Gratitude Was Not My Friend

Gratitude was something I struggled with for many years. In fact, for a long time I resented the word. You see, I grew up hearing:

·      Be grateful you have food on the table.

·      Be grateful you have a roof over your head.

·      Be grateful you have a bed to sleep in.

As a child, how could I understand starvation or homelessness if I never personally experienced either? When there is something in front of me that just tastes terrible to my sensitive taste buds, how does gratitude make it taste better?  And here is a kicker…if my young life feels out of control, the one thing I can control is eating. How does gratitude give me back control?

I continued not understanding gratitude as I lived my adult life. When told I should be grateful, I felt as though I were being punished. As I stepped into the world of coaching, I understood the power of gratitude, but could not find it within myself. It was like a butterfly passing in front of me, beautiful but elusive.

And then life gave me my lessons.

After a series of unfortunate events, I found myself homeless without work. I had closed my business, sold my home, and made a career move that left me with nothing. As I contemplated selling pencils in downtown San Diego and sleeping in my car, I tried gratitude statements.

Every morning and every evening I would make a list. This just didn’t help. I began to panic. You see, I didn’t believe a word I was saying because gratitude was something I had not formed a healthy relationship with. So, then I tried declarations.

Every morning and every evening I would make a gratitude list along with an I am declaration statement. This didn’t help and I was concerned about feeding myself.  I didn’t believe my “I am” statements either. I was falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. I then tried empowering questions.

These are specifically structured questions that begin with the presupposition the I am already taking action, it is rooted in the present, and is specific. Things started happening. I had a vision of what I wanted and was very clear. I wanted freedom to travel and see my children. I wanted to pay off my debt by year end. I wanted to rebuild my business and live the lifestyle of my choosing.

Here's what happened:

·      I was offered a short-term remote contract, providing me the ability to travel and see my children.

·      The contracted rate was one that provided enough income to pay down my bills and get my business back up and running.

·      By the end of the year, I was debt free, living in a luxury apartment, and building clients at an exponential rate.

I decided to write a book of 366 empowering questions, one for every day of a leap year. Gratitude is something I feel for the breath I take, the experiences I have, and the people in my life. Gratitude is not something I can make happen. It shows up when I let go and pay attention to my life.

·      I discovered who I really am.

·      I found the power within to speak my truth.

·      I became accountable for my wins and losses.

Every day ask myself, “I am so fortunate for what I have. I now wonder, how can I be more, be better, and bring more to my life right now?”

#empowerment #enlightenment