The Grief of an Exit

Entrepreneur! But with an exit! That’s another stripe, another accolade…Am I being retired to an imaginary hall of fame in my head? Hell no!

I have never spoken about what happened to FinFabrik and me back in ’20 when we escaped the crushing headlock of covid.

As everyone I met during the HK fintech week asked me what happened and what I was up to, I wanted to come out but from my own perspective hence the use of “I”.

All these years building FinFabrik, it was a team’s effort with incredible talent who gave their energy and surrender their sense of security to inch toward a common vision (at least my ego tells me that). There was never a sense of “I” but always “we”.

As soon as the purchase agreement was signed, I started to grieve…Some of you will relate, most won’t but that’s ok – am here to share a reflection, a viewpoint not an absolute truth.

We celebrated of course but it was a bitter pill to swallow – would we have sold without covid? No, if the series A had materialised and the probabilistic family “if, could, should, would” had come to town.

They lived happily ever after in a parallel universe.

In one sweep in an accretive swap, I lost a brand, a name, a vision…a purpose. I gained a 7 digits wealth on paper that counterbalanced that feeling but there was an undeniable loss, like an old friend who defined and gave me an identity. That feeling lasted about a week or two.

I thought I had made it with that all that paper bounty scheduled to hit my purse a year after the sale, but it was not to be: the stock price went from penny to insulting,

Since 2015, in lost revenues (we didn’t pay ourselves for so many years and when we did, it was just to cover the rent, something that a fair few founders have experienced), lost investments and value destruction, I lost a higher 7 digit number than the worthless shares.

I gave myself a hug but in order to not be angry at my own stupidity, at my own blind drive, I took solace in the following:

• Quantum physics…Alex with all that moolah inhabits another parallel universe alongside other worse and better versions. These versions have happened, are happening and that’s good enough.
• In this universe where I am tapping this article, probabilities didn’t materialise so there is no point dwelling on them. In the last 52 yrs on this earth, so many forks could have taken me in so many different directions (dj in Brazil, martial arts teacher, sport psychologist?!)…but am here, in this one and for all its stop/start junctures, it is not that bad.
• I have built an enormous amount of experience that is battle tested. I have paid a huge price for that mini-MBA but if anything, another cycle will value it better than the last. This identity is a journey that has only one competitor and one finish line.
• Counting my blessings: family, friends, deep network and more importantly health so I can still learn and progress. I can’t be a sobbing sod living in the past. I am all too aware that I have been able to be an entrepreneur thanks to my wife. On my own, I might have ended either broke or back into banking cleaning toilets.
• Taking a day as a day. I am always a thought, call or a message away from a shift in momentum. I am not waiting for anything, just getting warmed up. Crossroads, opportunities (and their best friend “opportunity cost”) shift constantly. I still need to learn to be patient.

Purpose and passion are top motivators – My purpose is to democratise finance and help the planet repair, my passion is martial arts…These will never change no matter what comes in the way.