GUARD YOUR HEART

Hey, it’s me. But chances are, that doesn’t really help. I am quite sure you don’t recognize my voice anymore, which is tragic, because you used to. There was a time when we were friends, the best. We leaned against fences and shared ideas. We sat on the grass and dreamed of seeing the whole world, writing poetry and articles, facilitating trainings, and changing this place. We believed in each other and nothing came between us. Not even air or time. This world looked different because of us… but everything is different now.

I am a stranger to you. You hardly even recognize me anymore. We no longer sit together, leaning against fences, and I can’t recall the last time we felt the grass underneath our feet and wrote. You have no idea what I am thinking about or what makes me soar. I don’t think you are intentionally ignoring me, or anything like that, but I know what this world does to you, and what that in turn, does to me. You get caught in the sticky web of every day, the small and repetitive, the minutia, the “have to get done’s,” as you call them. And somehow, while it’s remembered, I am forgotten.

Don’t worry, I am not here to whine or complain, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss you. I do. Deeply. I miss chasing things of beauty with you, seeing your face light up and seeing the world light up through you. I miss knowing that you are becoming everything you can become. Anyway, now I am rumbling. I am your SOUL and thought you should know that I am dying… 

I remember growing up and all I wanted to do is to bring change to my generation which happen to be a great vision and I was set on a great part, being involved with an organization which empowers young people towards self sustainability and being a Christian based international organization, it fits into my dreams and vision and so do I. working with a holistic approach centered on the spirit, body and mind which has been a delight for me being averagely athletic, at least I think I am, still do. Which fits into the body aspect of it, I grew capacity wise into a trainer, facilitator, coordinator, public speaker, writer and a motivational person which supports the idea of the mind and I did it diligently and with great joy, I strived to learn more and in turn nurture others. Growing up from a very humble and Christian home, I understood God and Gods love for me and Humanity, I consider myself to have proper foundation in Christ which gave backings to the spirit.

What would best narate or explain the turn that my rosy life took is the parable of the Sower that Christ told, about the farmer who went out to plant, He said some fell by the pathway and the birds came and ate them which represents those who hear Gods word and does not understand it and the evil one comes and snatches it away,. some fell on stony places where they do not have much soil and the immediately sprang up but because they had no depth and when the sun came up, they were scorched and because they had no root, the withered away which represents those that here the word and immediately receives it with joy but has no root in himself, but endures only for a while, for when tribulation or persecution arises, then stumbles. And some fell among thorns, as it grows the thorns sprang up and chocked them this represents who hears the word but the worries and cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and becomes unfruitful. The last part of it fell on good ground and yielded a crop; some a hundred fold some sixty and some thirty this represents him who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces.

I know we all know or have an idea of where we belong in this story, for me I feel the thorns best described me, I did not fall on the partway where the birds devoured me neither did I fall on the stony part where has no root, I was on a part that felt normal and productive, top of my career and profession, got recognitions for what I do, spoke on world highest platforms “the US senate, United nations and the World bank” to mention a few, traveled across continents, living the dream as some might call it, I became carried away by the pursuit of success, earthly rewards and pleasures as well as fame, neglecting the spirit which became the thorns in my life.

The once beautiful seed became overwhelmed by the thorns to the point of suffocation, that I could no longer breathe or bear fruits. The more I tried to escape the thorns, the more I get chocked, because despite my foundation in the Lord, I fail to adhere to His word which he proclaimed in Proverbs 3: 5 & 6 saying trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Despite my negligence and my unfaithfulness, He never left me, He kept trying to get my attention, kept trying to help me, kept trying to restore my soul, revive my soul and reunite me with my purpose and my call…

I finally heard His call, His Knock and it has been a relieve like no other to be released from the bondage of the thorns that has chocked my life and I know He is still there calling anyone who cares to hear Him, you might have fell on the stony path or even the pathway, His grace is sufficient for all. As I look at one of the more famous proverbs, proverbs 4:23. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” My heart is the wellspring of life, but not just my wellspring, like I often think. It’s everyone’s wellspring. It’s imperative that I guard it, not only so that I can live fully, but also so that others can live fully, so they can drink of the joy and peace bubbling within it. If I refuse to heed the wisdom of the proverbs writer, that spring dries up and when that happens, no one drinks. No one. 

I think this is a part of why so many people, so many in our world remain so thirsty and broken, because we, as individual people, friends, and family members, aren’t caring for our souls. Our hearts are drying up, growing more and more desolate, and as they do, the hearts of others grow more and more desolate with us. And desolate hearts aren’t the ones used to bring change.

People God uses for change are those with hearts that are guarded- wetland hearts, swampy hearts, hearts saturated with an undeniable sort of life, running- over hearts, hearts that spend so much time swimming they get wrinkled and pruney, hearts that are submerged beneath a waterfall after the chest containing them have been cracked wide open. Those are the hearts we need, so I have to guard my heart. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of an entire generation..

Taimanda Shalhona