THE HARDEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE

Hey Loves,

How are You?

Do you have a pet at home? What do you love most about your pet? How do you feel when you’re with them? How long have they been with you? Have you hugged and kissed them and told them that you love them today?

Words cannot fully describe the unconditional love that I feel/felt with both of my dogs, Lido and Moca. These two tiny creatures had the biggest personalities and brought so much JOY to my life and to EveryOne they met.

When I picked Lido up after my return from California, I noticed his belly was more distended than usual and he seemed to be in pain. Lido was not a fan of driving in the car and would be stressed the whole ride. Shorter drives were easier, but the ride from the pet sitter to our house was worse than usual. I had to stop halfway and let him reset… this was a first and it concerned me.

I messaged the veterinarian and shared the new symptoms I was noticing, and he suggested there were fluids building in the abdomen that were pushing on his organs. Lido was having more difficulty breathing, he was restless and up and down all Saturday night, and he was unable to poop easily because his back legs couldn’t get into a squatting position to go. He was having trouble walking and his legs were giving out on him as well.

I started researching solutions for the fluids in the abdomen and began to realize that we could up the dosage to release the fluids, but they would keep coming. Then, there is the option of extracting the fluids with needles and that would be scary and painful and include a 40-minute drive each way to the vet. I began to realize that this would create so much more pain for my Little Man and prolong the inevitable.

On Sunday morning, I reached out to the vet again after speaking to some close friends who knew Lido very well and asked him to come to the house to help him transition. This is the HARDEST decision I have ever made in my life. When Moca died, she went quickly and on her own as I was holding her in my arms. I didn’t have to make the decision. I was holding her, kissing her, and telling her that I loved her, and then she just went limp. Yes, it was shocking, and I didn’t have to decide anything. I am so grateful that I got to do the same for Lido as he left his body.

Lido and I spent 12 years together. The last two was he and I attached at the hip when he wasn’t with a pet sitter. We went everywhere together and I loved it! At the beginning of this school year, he started going to all six high schools with me to share sound healing workshops every week. I know these drives were hard on him, but he’d be more stressed at home alone and for more hours of the day if I didn’t take him with me. He experienced anxiety to an extreme but was always up for an adventure and stole the show wherever we landed.

One of the special things about Lido and Moca is that they just showed up “magically” into my life. Moca was wandering in the front yard of my boyfriend at the time and one of the neighbors put her in his backyard because she thought it was his… when he arrived home that evening, he had two dogs. When I moved in a few months later, Moca and I bonded right away and went everywhere together!

About a year later, we were sitting on the front porch having dinner. Our two dogs, Chica (a 30-pound dog) and Moca (small Chihuahua) were hanging out on the lawn. I looked up and saw this little 3-pound Chihuahua puppy standing on the curb in the street. He was standing with his front paws on the top of the curb and his back paws on the street. He was wagging his tail and seemed very excited to see our dogs. We called him to us and he immediately ran up to the big dog and attempted to hump her! We were rolling on the floor laughing! I went over and picked him up and put him in my lap. He stood up on my chest and started kissing my face. I asked my boyfriend if we could keep him and he said that we could foster him and adopt him out.

A few minutes later as the dog is sitting in my lap still… my boyfriend says… his name is Lido (pronounced LEEdo). I laughed because he had this saying, “You named it. You claimed it.” And when he claimed it, I knew Lido was there to stay. Lido is named after “Club Lido” in San Jose. I had just taken my boyfriend there a few weeks before for the first time and apparently the name stuck with him. From that point on, Me, Lido and Moca were attached at the hip and when things didn’t work out with my boyfriend a year later, the dogs were very clear that they were coming with me.

We moved into a great little house with two housemates that I had just met through a neighbor and online. We had different people move in and move out, but the dogs and I lived in that place for 6.5 years until I felt the call to move to Texas almost 3 years ago. The first 1.5 years of living in that house I experienced the death of my Grandma, my Dad, and my teacher/friend, Troy along with six other people. It was a very challenging time, and the dogs were always at my side.

These two little BEings have been my longest relationships and have taught me so much… We had our own ways of communicating and it was all very telepathic and a whole lot of feeling. We knew each other so intimately and I am grateful for their presence in my life. There is no way I could ever repay them for honoring me with the chance to experience their loyalty, love, and character.

When Moca died, I had the vision to bury her in a grassy patch at the end of the property in the green belt at our apartment complex at the time. I kept her body overnight on her blanket in bed with me. I spent time petting her and being with her to process the emotions that I was feeling. I did the same with Mr. Lido. He didn’t like being pet so much when he was in his body but Sunday and Monday, I laid with his little corpse and pet him and loved on him as I prepared to bury him on our farm.

I cried and wailed and wallowed in all the sadness and grief. I am still processing and feel like I will be for a while. There are so many memories that I got to create with Lido and Moca and I am forever grateful. I truly did not know how much I could LOVE until these creatures entered my life.

As I sit in my bed by my window typing this newsletter, I am feeling a bit lighter. I took a shower for the first time in four days. I ate proper meals yesterday and today I will share sound healing at a high school without Lido for the first time. I am sure I will cry a little as I share with the kids that Lido has “left the building” and I will continue to remind myself of all the wonderful adventures we had together.

I had a vision of my Dad and Troy in my room on Saturday afternoon. It seemed like Lido was seeing them in the room as well. After Lido passed on, I immediately saw them standing side by side again with Lido sitting very regally in front of them. He was sitting tall and felt very much in his element. I’m so happy that these male figures of my life are together now in the unseen. While they may not express their presence to me all the time, it feels good to know that they’re with me and always have my back when I ask for help.

Life is too short to dwell on the things that you can’t control or the things you can’t change. Remember, energy never dies, it simply changes form. It cannot be destroyed, only transformed. I am feeling into this freedom that Lido has given me by transitioning at this time. I am free to get up and go anywhere at any time without being responsible for another now. This takes a lot of pressure off of me. I don’t have to find sitters, or make sure that he is taken care of anymore. I don’t have to stress about his stressing out in the car with all the driving that we had to do. I don’t have to worry about him suffering. I am processing through the feelings of guilt I have felt by having these thoughts and am also giving myself grace to feel the relief.

Lido and Moca were funny, intuitive, playful, communicative, attentive, loving, up for adventure, and loved rollin’ in the stroller. They went on road trips, they went hiking, they rode in bicycle baskets, swam in lakes and loved the beach. They ate delicious homemade food and loved treats and were the BEST cuddlers. The squirrel was Lido’s arch nemesis and Moca could’ve cared less about other animals, she preferred to be with humans. They were both little lovers in their own way. Moca all up in your face with kisses and wanting to be pet and held all the time. Lido was a cat/dog that wanted to be sitting in your lap or by your side, had to be touching you, but didn’t really enjoy being touched so much. Their wonderful personalities have touched my life so deeply and I will always smile thinking of them.

I appreciate ALL your presences in this life and thank you for tuning in here with me.

Hug your loved ones. Tell them that you LOVE them. Give your pets an extra treat and adventure today. Allow your Self to do something new and different and give yourself grace.

I am excited to continue witnessing and experiencing all that we’re creating as a COLLECTIVE while the Universe conspires in each moment with Us. I look forward to meeting the next little critter that chooses me to be their human down the road.

I LOVE each and every one of YOU!

Jess