Having Difficult Conversations With Your Tech Talent

A study by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 40% of employees believe their manager doesn't engage in honest discussions about their work. This can lead to workers disengaging from their jobs.

While this is a problem throughout the workforce, in tech, it's especially prevalent. One possible reason for this is that many managers in the industry come from a technical background, rather than a business or leadership one, which can mean that they may have never learned or practiced some important management skills. But that doesn't mean that transparent conversations with team members are any less important.

We're at a difficult time in the industry, with large-scale layoffs and economic uncertainty. That means, like it or not, uncomfortable conversations are going to happen. And these types of conversations need to happen under less heightened circumstances too—there may be issues related to poor performance, conflict at work, and so on—so it's an important skill to be able to handle them confidently and competently. 

I'm not saying that I never struggle with having difficult conversations with my colleagues. No leader in any industry is perfect. But in my years at the helm of my company, this is what I've learned about how to do it effectively.

1. Remember Your Audience

Everyone deserves respect, no matter how junior or senior they are in your workforce. That's the first thing to keep in mind. But you should also recognize that the level of your professional matters in terms of how they will accept what you have to say. Other factors will play a role, too, of course.

For example, when you're speaking with an entry-level developer, recognize that they don't have a lot of experience with accepting constructive criticism. So, don't take it personally if they get defensive or don't know how to respond. Put yourself in their shoes and consider how you would need to hear this news or information.

2. Plan Ahead

Prepare some key talking points before you dive in. When you're having a difficult conversation with your talent, you can only control your own words. That means you need to know what and how you want to say them. Be thoughtful, and approach this like any important work task or responsibility that demands careful planning.

Planning will also allow you to temper your own emotions, which can often be heightened during these types of conversations.

3. Choose Your Timing Wisely

Try to choose a time when you can speak to the employee in person. If that's not possible—say, if you work remotely, for example—then do it over a videoconferencing platform, rather than by phone or, worse, email. Coordinate your schedule with anyone else who needs to be present, such as an HR representative or the individual's direct supervisor. 

Additionally, have the conversation earlier on in the week, rather than leaving it until last thing Friday when everyone's thinking about the weekend. Don't procrastinate—be mindful of the team member's needs and the fact that they are probably feeling anxious about the conversation. 

4. Be Direct

Always be clear and direct. If there is an action you want them to take, say so. There should be no room for any misinterpretation or misunderstanding.

Be as specific as possible. Use examples if they are relevant to what you are saying—for instance, if you want the team member to change a certain behavior, point to a time in the past when they've exhibited that behavior and explain why it wasn't appropriate or acceptable.

5. Control Your Part of the Conversation—Not the Other Person's

It's important to reiterate that you can only control your side of a difficult conversation. You can't control how the other person responds. Don't dismiss their feelings if, for instance, they're upset—during these types of discussions, that can be fairly common.

That said, do your best beforehand to consider how the other person might respond. Anticipating reactions will allow you to better prepare your part of the conversation and approach it with empathy. You may even practice with another colleague so you can prepare for the response.

There's no doubt that having difficult conversations with your tech talent can be uncomfortable. In some cases, it may even be upsetting. But it's part of work—and life—especially when you're a leader. That means you have to learn how to approach these conversations with compassion while still getting your meaning across. This is the only way to effectively move your business and mission forward while still focusing on people first