The Heart of the Matter

“Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.”

As humans, we can be intrinsically selfish. In the North American culture, we are wrapped in a comforting blanket of media marketing that says, “You do you.”

I was once like this....

At the top of my priority list was the need to succeed professionally. All other things and people were made subject to this pursuit.

I remember when someone was hired for the team I was leading… I was relatively new to management responsibilities. If you knew me then, you would have known I was highly driven and actively involved in my industry. 

Happy to finally have help with the intense workload we were juggling, I was positive and upbeat in the onboarding process. We had a bit of a sink-or-swim culture though and soon it was clear this individual wasn’t going to be able to keep up.

The exhaustive workload meant that I was irritable about someone slowing us down. I resisted the need to stop and see him as a human being needing help. Instead, I gave in and participated in the negative talk surrounding his performance.

We should have invested more in his training. We should have mentored. Instead, we cut the ties quickly and moved on. And I saw it as “just doing business” at the time.

All I could see was speed towards the success of more projects completed and more clients served. I missed the opportunity to do a heart check.

In my example above, North American culture might say, “Good for you! You’re pursuing your dreams! He’ll find the right place for him.”

My heart would learn, “This is unsustainable.”

Can you think of an example in your own life where you failed to see the person and only saw you? A time when your pursuit of success pushed aside those around you that needed you?

Your kids want to play when you get home but you focus on getting one more report done?

Your co-workers need assistance in their marketing analysis but you have a pile of critical emails to respond to?

Your HR Director wants to discuss staffing needs but you stay focused on more “critical” business needs?

The turnaround in my life would begin in the Summer of 2011. I finally had that critical encounter to see my own selfish nature. I finally understood my heart was sick and in need of saving from a pit of idolatrous career pursuits.

Mentoring takes intentionality because it’s not easy. It requires one of the most precious commodities we have: time. 

We all feel the shortage of it lately. We can sense the exponential speed at which time seems to have accelerated. But if we love - even if it’s only a self(-ish) love - we’ll realize there is no future without investment in those coming up behind us. 

Sharing this real-life example is painful. I wish I could tell him face to face I was wrong because I was.

In mentorship, you exhibit love towards your mentee by not insisting on your timetable for progress, by being joyful in the time investment, and by not resenting the time it takes to see positive change in your mentee.

A word of caution to mentees: Don’t abuse the time given either. The principle of we reap what we sow always comes true. If you honor the time of your mentor, you’ll receive honor back to you.

The past shared isn’t to condemn me, but to give others a chance to see themselves in my story. If you identify with me, just know there is always an opportunity for turning around. If you identify with the one who was let go and you didn’t get the mentoring investment that was needed, I’m deeply sorry. 

My sincere hope for everyone is that you know the magnitude of love available for you and that often the first step towards seeing it manifest is to do a heart check for your own life. We all have fallen short. I'm grateful to God there is mercy and grace for today.

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Michelle (Rademacher) Adeeb is an Executive Coach and Mentor focused on providing insights into the real-world challenges we all face daily. Please follow her on this platform and subscribe to this monthly newsletter to receive wisdom, inspiration, impartation, and practical tips to see success come forth in your life.