Be honest! It’s not kind to be nice in business

A big challenge we have in business is that we don’t know how to be kind.

Great at being ‘nice’, but there’s a difference between being nice and being kind.

‘Nice’ is outwardly pretending everything’s OK when it’s not.

Being ‘kind’ is dealing with the problem, with honesty and empathy, because we care.

We tend to default to being nice to keep the peace and avoid upsetting the apple cart. But the impact of being nice over time (instead of kind and honest) can lead to a business where no disagreements are openly discussed, poor performance goes unchecked and disgruntled customers go elsewhere.

Picture this if you will

You go into a restaurant. The waiter shows you to a table squeezed into a corner where there’s an uncomfortable draught, the table wobbles and you see someone else’s dropped food beneath your chair. You wait 20 minutes for someone to take your order and another 30 before the food arrives. You have to call the waiter to ask about your drinks order and the food is not to your liking.

You go to pay.

“Was everything OK?” asks the cashier.

“Lovely thank you,” you say.

That is being nice. It’s not being kind.

It means you don’t care enough about the business to take the time to be honest about your experience. The business therefore has no way of knowing changes are needed (although in my super exaggerated scenario, they probably should) – until they notice that all their customers have gone elsewhere and it’s too late.

If you did care about the business, you’d be polite, but you’d be honest and tell the truth. That is being kind.

I use this scenario with clients when they tell me they’re fed up with their people for whatever reason but acknowledge that they haven’t addressed it.   

Do you care enough about your people and your business to be kind rather than nice?

One of the reasons why we tend to be nice is because we try to mind-read.

We worry how people will react if we point out that something needs to change (what if they leave? What if they start to cry?) and we’re afraid people won’t like us if we tell them the truth.

But what if our kindness sparked a productive conversation? What if the outcome of being kind rather than nice was that people appreciate our honesty, admit they have a challenge in some area, and ask for help to improve their skills?

Remember, we don’t have to be cruel to be kind.

In our next edition of Balanced Business Success, I’ll be sharing tips on how to be kind in business - but not nice.