How to ask for help as a manager?

I am more than sure that at some point, you needed help and held back because of one thought: “What if they think I am weak?”

The question is a legitimate one entirely. There’s plenty of power politics and unofficial messaging in workplaces that can make or break your next promotion. But the inevitable fact is that it ruins more than helps anyone. 

A number of managers cannot access support because asking for it:

• Entails shame and embarrassment
• Can potentially ruin relationships
• Might impact someone’s judgment of them 
• Means you are not good at your job 

All of these problematic scenarios eventually lead to a world where people managers, who happen to have some of the most variable challenges, are left to fend for themselves without much holding them up.

The numbers of burnout and stress among managers are not surprising after all. And keeping these in sight, it’s no wonder that management jobs are losing their charm. 

How to tread high waters in your new manager job (with a helping hand)?

Many teams assume a great IC will magically transform into a brilliant manager. But more often than not, it does not play out that way. Below, I am sharing some ideas to help you get unstuck. Because getting stuck is inevitable, instead of thinking, fearing, and shaking in despair, let’s figure out the possibilities. 

#1 Understand your role 

A manager is not a super-IC. A manager has the hard and soft skills of their relevant area and the people skills to manage performance, people, and productivity for their team. So, take a hard and deep look at your JD. If your company does not have a clear-cut way to define the scope of a manager’s work, be the change maker and build it with your seniors. 

That leads us to how to do work.

❌Just complete what is to be done.

✔️Make sure your team completes valuable tasks efficiently.

What should you ask your senior for? A clear job description stating the scope and objectives you own as the team manager. 

#2 Build your support system, intentionally

The myth of the self-sufficient manager needs to end. As you're expected to support your team, you need your support structure. Think of it as your professional safety net:

• Find a mentor outside your direct reporting line
• Connect with peer managers facing similar challenges
• Join manager communities (internal or external) where you can share experiences
• Build relationships with key stakeholders before you need their help

What should you ask your senior for? Introduction to potential mentors and permission/support to join manager development programs.

#3 Shift your mindset 

Are you seeking help, or are you learning something new? There’s nothing wrong with seeking help, but it has attracted a connotation that can prevent you from trying. Reframing the action in a positive context will make it easier. 

Reconsider that the support you are seeking is not something additional you need to some weaknesses. Instead, it is an essential ingredient in any manager’s professional development. So, all the regular check-ins with your manager and the questions you ask are worth it and deserved.

What should you ask your senior for? Regular feedback sessions focused on your 

management development, not just team deliverables.

#4 Build clarity on what you need 

Consider this: You ask someone to pass on a fruit. They hand you an apple. Deep down, you wanted an orange. But how is the other person supposed to know? You should ideally ask for the orange clearly, right?

The same goes for questions you ask your coaches and mentors. For example:

Don't say: "I'm having trouble with my team's performance. Can you help?"

Say: "I've noticed two high-performing team members are missing deadlines on our new product launch. I've tried weekly check-ins to discuss workload, offer additional resources, and adjust timelines.

But I'm still seeing delays. Would you share your framework for diagnosing if this is a skill gap, motivation issue, or something else? I'd especially appreciate hearing about a similar situation you've handled. My goal is to get us back on track within the next sprint while maintaining team morale and quality standards."

The second statement provides a lot more clarity about your situation, your actions, your results, and the task at hand (STAR method, anyone?). It also helps your mentor provide answers clearly without assuming things.

To sum up

The truth is, seeking support isn't career suicide – isolation is. The most respected leaders often model continuous learning and demonstrate the courage to be vulnerable. They show their teams that growth requires reaching out and, in doing so, creating cultures where everyone can thrive.

Remember: The goal isn't to be a perfect manager from day one. The goal is to be a continuously improving one, supported by a network that celebrates growth over perfection. 

As per our study among the Risely users, up to 41% of managers felt that their team was lagging behind. The causes are manifold, and they are not a sign of your ineffectiveness. Check out our free resources today to start unlocking professional growth.