How to Avoid Relationship Traps and Strengthen Your Founding Team

As founders, we pour our heart and soul into building our businesses. However, the intense pressure and long hours can take their toll on our personal relationships. It's surprisingly easy to fall into unhealthy patterns with our co-founders and colleagues that damage trust and stall progress.

Have you ever found yourself repeatedly butting heads with another founder? Or feeling overwhelmed trying to solve every problem yourself? Perhaps you sometimes feel like things are out of your control or that others are to blame. If so, you may be familiar with what's known as the "drama triangle" - an unconscious dynamic that breeds anxiety, conflict and missed opportunities in groups.

The drama triangle outlines three roles we can slip into during stressful times: Victim, Villain and Hero. People in the Victim role see themselves as powerless and feel problems are someone else's to solve. The Villain blames and criticizes others to avoid responsibility. And Heroes take on excessive rescuer tendencies, trying to fix everyone while ignoring their own needs. 

Here a good short video describing the dynamic.

Where do these roles come from? Surprisingly, our early childhood attachments with caregivers shape how we relate to others as adults. Those who lacked consistent nurturing may seek validation through people-pleasing Hero tendencies. Witnessing aggression as a child could predispose someone to unconscious Villain behaviors. And neglect can contribute to feelings of victimization.

I have seen many founding teams where the drama triangle is strongly at play, especially when the company goes through a tough phase. High-pressure periods activate our deepest fears and insecurities, pulling us towards familiar but often unhelpful and often unconscious roles. This is precisely when founding relationships need stability the most.

So how can you spot the drama triangle and change course before damage occurs?

Pay attention to how you communicate when tensions rise. Do you blame others or claim helplessness? Or hyper-focus on fixing problems at all costs? These could indicate an unconscious role.

Rather than reacting, slow down and consider different perspectives. Steelmanning an opposing view - formulating it in the strongest way possible - builds empathy. Take ownership of your contribution to conflicts by apologizing sincerely when needed.

Reframe disagreements as natural steps in a shared journey, and not as personal attacks. Listen actively without already rebutting mentally. Check your true motivations - are you trying to be right or do you seek understanding?

Regular founder check-ins can also help. Discussing appreciation for one another and constructive feedback builds intimacy needed to resolve issues productively. Referencing shared values and long term goals provides perspective in heated moments.

With commitment to these practices, you can transform your relationships from a limiting drama triangle into a "winner's triangle" dynamic. Former Victims become empowered Creators. Villains develop into discerning Challengers. And Heroes guide as compassionate Coaches. Teams operating from this place are far more innovative, engaged and aligned on their mission.

Prioritizing strong yet caring partnerships will serve you tremendously as a founder. Take time for reflection on your own patterns and those around you. Continually developing communication and relationship skills nurtures not only your personal growth, but the success of your venture as a whole. With understanding and goodwill, you have the power to reshape any relationship into a supportive one.

5 Tweets to feed your mind 

#1

Being rational, level-headed and careful often leads to mediocrity.. where are you not being bold enough?

#2

Great new metric to gauge your cash burn 

#3

Nothing new here but more of note to self.. how can you make X more efficient via AI today? 

#4

100% agree

#5

CPI is meant to measure volatility in consumer prices.. whats actually happening is that basket items that show price volatility just get taken out of CPI 🤡 As Larry Summers said, inflation reached 18% in 2022 if you use the previous CPI calculation. The books are cooked. Got Bitcoin? ;-)  

And.. that's a wrap, Have a great rest of your week!

Sebastian