How to become a perfect 'mentor'

A mentor-mentee relationship is the healthiest relationship - guiding the mentee(s) towards their own goals.

"My advice for you would be to

(1) change your name (get yourself an easy English name - Amelia, Beatrice, Charlotte, Diana, Eleanor or Paulina),

(2) get a citizenship of a developed country in the Global North,

(3) get certificate from the best university from the EU or in the USA, and

you will see yourself climb up the career ladder without any extra work!", was what I was told by a mentor way back in 2004.

This mentor was a perfect match for me according to my employer as part of their mentor-mentee relationship. That was 20 years ago. This mentor was not a researcher, but an administrator with background from the corporate world. Though I did not accept the first two suggestions, however, I did get myself a PhD degree from Wageningen University.

Paulina or Ofelia, citizen of the Global North, and bang ... your CV is ranked high, you get promoted working hardly, your publications gets cited, and you are "trusted" (by psychopaths who have difficulty in trusting people of colours!).          

"No women with a citizen of a developing country would ever become Director General or CEO or President of this or any organization", was the coolest analysis from this mentor.

I admire that those honest advice and analysis that holds valid today, but it is a bitter dose of truth I chew daily. A good quality of any mentor is to show their mentee(s) best career growth, ways to achieve, and motivate the mentee(s) to excel on their career journey.

Becoming a great mentor: a few tips from my experience

Having become a mentor in recent years, I think mentor-mentee program could be enriching if done correctly. The program should certainly not be 'one-meeting' event, but rather a chain of coaching (not teaching) which can contribute significantly to their mentee’s overall career success and personal growth. Here are a few tips from my personal experience of having mentored about half dozen young professionals (on an average for six months/each mentee) across the globe since 2021. It is a time consuming work, and often part of your job profile.

Listening

That's one of the strongest skills of a great mentor - to listen without bias. Listen to mentees with the intention of providing support based on mentees need (not yours) that are relevant and beneficial for overall growth. Engaging in long term mentorship with clear goals set by mentee(s), and listening with intent, ensures a valuable investment in the development of the mentee(s).

Having a background in social science, listening with an intent is easy (and it may require some training for those with natural science background - I do not count natural scientist mentor claiming to have 'self-taught' themselves social science!

Relevant Experience

Decline (politely) some of the potential mentees who need advice on 'career' but only dream of working with their Masters or PhD supervisor. These mentees are already decided - it makes no sense to offer them the relevant experience as a mentor. First task of a mentor is to identify - whether the mentee is ready to gain from your relevant experience (or is afraid to take any risks).

A great mentor should have relevant experience to offer. Someone who has seen the world, travelled, taken risks, learned from failures, gone through pain, and have succeeded despite all odds, and has variety of career experiences to share stories.

Humour

Remember - a mentor is not a boss or a supervisor nor a friend to their mentee(s). Humour relaxes the mood, sets a good tone in building comfort zone to share fears, anxiety, personal stories interlinked to professional goals, challenges, and importantly aspirations.

One of ways to say the bitter truth or to discuss failures is by adding a humour. One of the mentees was worried about taking a big leap - moving to another country for work. Having lived in ten countries, I had an urge to mention that 'see the world before you turn 50'. As a mentor, I used it as a humour to mention that a person who takes the same Bus route 138 for two decades in the same workplace and have not seen the world will never fail. They will secure a gold-platted watch from their employer after completing 35 years in service! While the person who sees the world would have an experience that no one can snatch unlike the gold watch.

Follow-up

One of the beautiful ways to show to your mentee that you care, if the mentor-mentee program is a long-term. A mentor can demonstrate that they are serious in mentoring in you not only by being available to listen and share relevant experiences, but also by caring enough to follow up after the meeting with their thoughts, ideas or even a simple yet important expression of support.

If the mentor-mentee program is not virtual, then take advantage of taking them to a cafe, or bring a pie or tart to break the 'formal' meeting set-up. The advantage of keeping in touch is that they feel secure to share their hiccups in career - even after the formal mentor-mentee program is completed.

Let them grow and go...

Avoid hiding facts and risks from mentees. Transparency is the key to their career growth. The important aspect is to ensure the mentee choose a career path that is decided by them, and they take the responsibility of moving towards that goal. No two mentees - even with similar background in discipline, gender or from the same geographical area - should be treated alike. Each mentee bring their own individuality, and a great mentor should work bringing out their individual talents and potentials without a blanket approach.

Those who have relevant experiences and time, should take the role of becoming a mentor - especially for those mentees who belong to disadvantage groups. Seeing them grow and go is the biggest satisfaction.

A mentee is like a curious cat. My tabby cat when a street-kitty was mentored by his mother how to hunt. A simple strategy. First step, the mother cat would bring him a prey (mouse, rats) that she had already killed. Then the second step was that she would bring him a prey that is still alive - so that he can play and hunt. Final step, she let him develop the taste and there he goes to explore his curiosity (of course with caution).