How to Break the Cycle: Turn Repeated Conversations into Effective Solutions
One of the trickiest and most uncomfortable questions I ask the leaders I coach is, "How often are we going to have this same conversation?"
I know, it sounds a bit cheeky, but it’s designed to provoke thinking and shake up an unhelpful pattern. We’ve all been there, stuck in the same discussions over and over, and it’s important to figure out why that happens and how we can get past it.
These repeated conversations usually go something like this: a leader brings up a problem and shares a bunch of examples to show what’s going wrong. A common scenario is needing to address underperformance in a senior team member. No one enjoys giving tough feedback—that's understandable. But the issue isn’t the discomfort; it’s avoiding the action that needs to be taken even when you know there’s a problem.
Leaders end up talking about the same underperformance issue repeatedly, with new examples each time. This repetition is a clear sign that the leader is stuck. They know there’s a problem and that they need to act, but they keep dodging it, doing extra work themselves to cover for the underperformer.
Here's where we need to talk about the difference between being "stuck" and "noodling." My own coach loves to say, "Let's noodle on this." Noodling means thinking things over, exploring options, and coming up with new ideas. It’s an active way of problem-solving that delivers results. Being stuck, though, is when you keep talking about the same problem without identifying solutions. This can be paralyzing, counterproductive - and exhausting.
If, right now, you're finding yourself talking about the same issue over and over, ask yourself: Are you noodling or stuck?
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Leadership is complex and we all face the same challenges again and again. But recognising whether you’re noodling or stuck can make a huge difference. If you realise you’re stuck, what will it take to break out of that cycle?
Hey, if your repeated conversations are productive noodling sessions that lead to meaningful action - that's great. But if you're stuck going round and round the same problem over and over again, there is a way through.
Noodle on the steps you can take to solve the problem rather than, yet again, describing the problem and giving more examples to show that it really exists.
Have a great week and always remember, life will be more rewarding if you observe yourself and others with interest and learning, not with criticism and judgement.
People & Culture, Change, Projects, Based in Glasgow, Scotland. Hybrid/Remote working.
4moI’d suggest rather than repeating all the info to a Coach (and presumably paying for their services in the process each time they repeat the same info ….) that the stuck leader writes down all the information and advises the underperformer that they will send them the document of information (which they would be entitled through GDPR if it exists anyway) and then the underpeformer can look at it line by line then they will meet to discuss issues and solutions. That would move things along. If the info is true, accurate and constructive this would save time and money on the sessions with the coach. Then the leader can become less stuck and everyone is aware of the concerns. Otherwise how can the underperformer possibly know what the issues are, as most organisations don’t provide mind reading training sessions or supply crystal balls. (It’s possible that the leader has supplied positive even glowing performance appraisals and therefore is even in more of a hole so stuck there too I imagine !) Coaches can then earn their money on moving things along constructively rather than listening to repetition. A win win !