How to build a connection with your prospects and clients

In last week’s content, we’ve discussed the two things that almost every client and prospect look for in a salesperson: empathy and authority.

Once a salesperson meets these two expectations, trust is given to the salesperson and trust is the name of the game in a relationship-based business like that of high-ticket selling. Empathy and authority are like yin and yang. Empathy depends on soft skills while authority depends on experience and knowledge.

This week, our discussion will be based on the first of the two: Empathy.

Empathy, or more specifically expressing empathy, is about letting prospects and clients know we care about them and their well-being and that we understand what they are going through and their pains.

It is about establishing connection with the prospect. This is all about the soft skills: being empathetic, the art of listening, building rapport, probing the prospect, and most of all having that sincerity to care about their needs.

And how important is empathy in sales, or more specifically how important is being able to express empathy for a salesperson?

Think of your Tito’s and Tita’s who always tell you what to do. They always tell you to do this and that. They always reprimand you for anything. They always nag you for anything. Irritating right?

Or if you go to church, think of a hard-nosed pastor or priest who always preaches people to do this or do that or that this is wrong and this is right. If you have ever read the New Testament, they are a lot like the Pharisees who always tell people what to do. It is hard to listen to them, don’t they?

In both of these scenario, we would rather not listen to them. Besides family and faith, we want no connection with them. In other words, kahit na we have a connection with them through family and faith, there is no rapport between you and them. That is what selling without empathy is.

Or take another example, let’s say you are in some kind of legal trouble and you hired a lawyer. As you talk with the lawyer and discuss this problem, he keeps talking about legal stuff. When you talk, he always butts in. As you discuss your case and explanation, he butts in again. It is as if he is disinterested in listening to you and provides solutions as soon as he can without letting you finish your explanation. Question, do you trust this lawyer?

If no, why? My best guess here is that you don’t think this lawyer really understand your case. Heck, you don’t even think he cares about your case. If push comes to shove, you fear that this lawyer will just jump ships and leave you, right? That is what selling without empathy is.

In other words, expressing empathy is all about letting the prospect know that we really do understand them (or that we want to understand their point of view) AND we care about them and their case.

In short, its understanding them and caring about them. For us to trust someone as a friend or a partner, we have to feel that they really do understand what we are going through and that they really care about our well-being.

And so how do we express empathy and make that connection with our prospects and clients? Well, the short answer is actually understanding them before being understood AND actually caring for their needs and well-being. Okay, that is superficial so lets put some more tangible tips.

The first way of expressing empathy is actually just listening. Yes, you don’t have to do anything but listen. When I say listen, I do not mean hearing. Listening means you are really interested with what they have to say and you are not going to interrupt them.

The second way is probing. This is a lot like what author Stephen R. Covey said “Seek to understand and then to be understood.” If we do not know where the pain is or what pain they have, how can we recommend the right medicine? It is very scary for a doctor to not ask you anything and just recommend a random medicine you haven’t heard of. Probing is knowing where the pain is through asking questions. Think of yourself as a lawyer or doctor.

The third way is active listening. Active listening means letting the other party knows you are listening through non-verbal communications like nodding your head or looking at the eyes of the other person or even as simple as acknowledging what they are saying.

The fourth way is repeating what they are saying. By repeating their words, you actually let them know you fully understand their case and that you actually got their point.

Another way is to say statements that expresses you really do understand them with the right tonality. Imagine if I tell you “I understand what you are saying…” pero pagalit boses ko or pasigaw, would you really believe that I understand you? But what if I said that same statement in a caring soft voice while nodding my head, more convincing right?

All these are just for one half of expressing empathy. The other part which is genuinely caring about the other person is something nobody can teach you or me. It is like integrity and honesty. The only way we can show someone we care is to actually really care about them. We cannot fake it til we make it.

The point here is this: without empathy, there is no relationship and connection.

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