How to cope with changes you may or may not like

There’s been a WHOLE LOT of change in the last eight years. Perhaps more change in the last eight years than any other eight-year period in history.

As a result, you may be experiencing some change whiplash. You may feel like your political, economic, social, spiritual, physical, and occupational worlds have been turned upside down and around, over and over again.

What used to be called “good” is now called “bad,” and what used to be considered the “truth” is now called a “lie” by millions of people. So it’s no wonder there’s so much change-induced stress out there. And you may be one of its victims..

However, there are some things you can do to cope with changes you may or may not like.

► 1. Accept the fact that change won’t ever go away.

If you're still carrying the old mindset, thinking, "If I can just hang on a few more weeks and get through our company’s reorganization, I can get back to normal," you're in trouble.Or if you you’re thinking, “If I can just keep myself going through this President or the last President’s term, everything will be okay,” you’re delusional.

No, you've got to accept the fact that change is the norm. It won't ever go away and it won't ever be over. You’ve got to accept that fact, whether or not you like it.

Of course it’s not easy. As one college commencement speaker asked the President of the college, "How can I tell the students the future of the world is in their hands without frightening the rest of the guests?"

However, accepting the constancy of change can also be rather illuminating. As an audience member told me when I was speaking at one of the Federal Reserve Banks, “You know the children have grown up when you find yourself straightening up the house before they come home instead of after."

When you accept that fact that change is the new norm, you can stop bemoaning the present and put more of your focus on the future you’d like to see. As Charles Kettering, the head of research at General Motors said,

"We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there."

Special note to leaders: Don’t ever tell your people that you can all get back to normal or the way things used to be after the upcoming merger, or reorganization, or product launch, or whatever. That may give your people some temporary stress reduction, but you’ll also lose their trust the next time another change comes along. Just be honest with your people. Let them know they’re never going to be done with change.

► 2. Remind yourself change can be good.

An old proverb says, “A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.” In other words, you don’t know everything and never will. You’ll always have room for improvement. So never changing your mind or rejecting all change could be very dangerous. You could become out of touch, irrelevant, useless, even boring.

It's like the American fellow who visited a London pub on a foggy night. Hoping to

strike up a conversation with a distinguished looking Englishman, he asked, "May I buy you a drink?" "No," said the Englishman. "Don't drink. Tried it once and didn't like it."

Later the American fellow tried to make conversation again and said, "Would you like a cigar?" The Englishman said, "No. Don't smoke. Tried it once and I didn't like it."

The American thought for a moment. Then said, "Would you like to join me in a game of gin rummy?" The Englishman replied, "No. Don't like card games. Tried it once, and I don't like it. However, my son will be dropping in after a bit. Perhaps he will join you."

The American settled back in his chair and said, "Your only son I presume?"

To help my audiences get a more realistic approach to change, I often start my change seminars with two slides. The first one says,

All progress

is

the result of change.

I believe that and I want my audiences to get that truth in their heads as well. Change can be good. You need to remind yourself that every improvement is a result of change.

But the second slide I put up is the kicker. It says,

But

not all change

is progress.

Some changes are just plain bad or stupid. Not all change is progress. That’s where your discernment comes into play.

To cope with changes more effectively, do more than automatically accept or reject a change based on whatever biases you have. Be a critical thinker. Do your research. Then decide.

► 3. Make sure every change makes you BETTER, not BITTER.

Whenever you go through a change, you will change. That's not debatable. How you change is up to you.

Some people go through a divorce, a job loss, a financial difficulty, and they get bitter. They cry out, "Life's not fair. God doesn't care. The other side cheated. Why me?"

They fail to see anything good in the change. They don't realize, as Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, said so long ago, that "When one door closes, another opens." The trouble is, Bell went on to say, "We often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

By contrast, other people can go through the same things, a divorce, a job loss, a financial difficulty, and they get better. Two weeks or two months after the crisis, they're back on their feet using guts and skills they never knew they had.

Those who get better don't waste their time looking at the closed door, bemoaning what has gone by the wayside. Instead, they take Louis L'Amour's approach. L'Amour, the author of many western novels said:

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.

That will be the beginning."

Yes, that will be the beginning of you getting better.

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