How to Deal with Insults in the Workplace with Grace

Most of us have wrapped up our summer holidays and are digging back into work now. Andwe all know the pressure to wrap up the year strong can add extra pressure, deadlines and stress that may result in a variety of challenges that test our good humour and resolve.

But there's something uniquely unsettling about facing an insult or hostile question in the very space where we pour out energy and effort. I’m sure you’ve all experienced that punch in the stomach feeling when a comment comes seemingly out of nowhere and catches us off-guard.

In those moments, our natural instinct might be to react emotionally, to defend ourselves, orto retreat into a shell. But for this newsletter, I’d like to remind us that like Michelle Obama famously said, “When they go low, we go high.” There are better ways to handle not-so-smart remarks – that preserve your dignity, strengthens your position, and keeps you firmly in control.

First and foremost, it's important to remember that insults and hostile questions often say more about the person delivering them than they do about you. When someone chooses to attack or undermine you, it's often a reflection of their insecurities, not your shortcomings. By understanding this, you can begin to approach these situations with the calmness and confidence they require.

Here are a few reminders:

Pause and Breathe

When faced with a hostile comment or insult, the first thing you should do is pause. Just take a breath. Count silently to three. Also remember to keep your face neutral. Don’t look upset or rattled. This moment of stillness is your power move. It shows that you’re in control of your emotions, and that you’re considering your response thoughtfully. That pause is not just about calming yourself—it's about making sure that whatever comes next is deliberate and dignified.

Respond, Don’t React

Now, let’s talk about responding. Notice I didn’t say reacting. Reacting is impulsive; responding is strategic. You’ve probably heard that before but it takes practice to consistently apply this. When someone heckles you or throws a hostile question your way, you have two powerful response tools at your disposal:

Asking clarifying questions and Offering disarming responses.

Imagine someone in a meeting says, “Do you even understand what’s going on here?” It’s rude, it’s dismissive, but how you handle it can turn the tide in your favor. A powerful, composed response could be, “That’s an interesting question. Can you clarify what specific part you’re referring to?” This response is not only calm but it also shifts the focus back onto them. It forces them to think and often reveals the shallowness of their remark.

Another situation might involve a colleague who tries to undermine your point by saying, “I don’t think you’re qualified to speak on this.” Instead of getting defensive, consider a response like, “That’s a strong statement. Could you share more on what makes you feel that way?” This approach is both poised and disarming. It invites dialogue rather than confrontation and shows that you are secure in your position.

Maintain Your Composure

As I already mentioned, throughout all this, the most important thing is to maintain your composure. Keep your voice steady, your posture confident, and your expression neutral or even warm. Never let them see you sweat. Composure is your silent armor, and it’s often the difference between escalating a situation and defusing it.

Remember, grace under fire isn’t just about keeping calm—it's about mastering the art of subtle power. When you respond with calm, measured questions or statements, you demonstrate that you are unshakeable. You send a message that you are not just in the room, but you own the room.Hopefully, too, these tools can help you reduce the heat in the room – not fan the flames higher. We’re aiming to nurture our workplace relationships, not burn them.

So the next time you face hostility or an insult, don’t shy away from it.

Pause. Breathe.Respond with grace and precision.

Show them who you are—someone who remains calm, even in the face of disrespect.

If you are interested in improving your communication skills and confidence get in touch