How to Deal with Narcissistic Leaders

Susan's Story: A Familiar Struggle

Susan dreaded attending the Friday morning PR meeting, and her reluctance boiled down to one reason: her boss. Recently, just being in the same room with him made her:

• Consider pulling out last minute
• Feel a mix of boredom and anxiety
• Worry about losing her weekend to extra work from the meeting.

It wasn’t always this way. When her new boss first joined the company, Susan (whose name has been changed for privacy reasons) found the meetings inspiring. He was a breath of fresh air, eloquent, communicative, and appreciative of her contributions. 

But as months passed, Susan noticed troubling patterns, like he:

• Repeated the same stories
• Dominated conversations and interrupted others
• Focused on prestigious projects
• Micromanaged
• Bent reality to suit himself.

The Growing Trend of Narcissistic Leaders

Susan's experience is not unique. This scenario plays out in countless organizations today. Narcissistic bosses, men and women, are not relics of the past; they are increasingly common, even among younger generations of leaders. 

Factors like social media, new work cultures, increase in single-parenting and other societal changes have nurtured a new breed of narcissists.

Corporate environments provide ideal conditions for these leaders to fuel their need for admiration, often at the expense of others. Companies frequently tolerate and even reward this behavior, mistakenly believing it enhances performance.

The Cost of Tolerating Narcissism

Allowing narcissistic behavior to persist unchecked creates toxic workplaces where individuals can suffer:

• Damaged self-esteem
• Anxiety or depression
• Career stagnation or even
• loss of job and income.

Ultimately, everyone pays the price through reduced productivity and ROI.

So, What Can You Do?

Some believe the only solution is to change jobs, but I disagree. Here’s why:

• Narcissism thrives on the attention it receives from others. Breaking this pattern is crucial! Set clear boundaries, have uncomfortable conversations and interrupt the narcissist's monopolization of time. 
• Achieving this often requires coaching or training that delves in our psyche, as purely behavioral tools are insufficient. There is a reason why some people are more exposed to narcissistic behavior than others. 
• While you can't change people, raising awareness can prompt them to change themselves, especially when these changes are tied to the reward system of an organization.

Shared Responsibility for Change

So in the end the responsibility for change lies on three sides:

1. Individuals Suffering: For them to develop the courage and skills to react differently, by setting clear boundaries and consistently reinforcing them. This is crucial as narcissists typically have low levels of shame. Once practiced effectively, it is likely that these individuals will no longer suffer from narcissists in the future.
2. The Narcissist: Feedback to prompt self-awareness and behavioral change, helping them improve their social skills and become a better leader.
3. Observers: HR and organizational leaders to raise awareness for this topic and train employees to respond effectively.

Susan's Transformation

When Susan first came to me, she wanted to quit due to the stress her boss caused. After helping her manage the stress, I encouraged her to try changing the situation at work instead. 

She still liked her company, and within a few months, Susan learned to safeguard her health and work by confidently saying “No” and actively interrupting when needed. 

At the same time, HR and the CEO, recognizing the issue, set new goals for her boss, linking applied empathy and listening with his bonus.

Conclusion

Tackling narcissism in leadership is tricky, partly because the system itself encourages it. However, with a multifaceted approach, it is possible and produces winners on all sides.  

Empowering individuals, fostering self-awareness in leaders, and creating supportive organizational structures can transform toxic environments.

#BetterLeadership #Narcissism #WorkplaceWellbeing #CareerGrowth #Empowerment #HRStrategies #MentalHealth #BoundarySetting