How to Detach to Lead a Happier Life?

I wrote an article titled Letting Go & Stepping Back: True Friends For Life back in February 2021 but a section of my audience urged me to bring more clarity to the subject as what and how a happier life can ben led in today’s materialistic and noisy world. 

The Oxford Dictionary defines detachment as “the state of not being involved in something in an emotional or personal way”. Being emotional is powerful in practicing detachment. When you become emotionally aloof, you are disconnected from your feelings. You are not really getting involved in decisions, actions, relationships — life. I recommend you get entirely emotionally immersed in whatever it is you want to do in your lives.

How to Detach?

Let's learn how we can let go and start living from a place of happiness.

1. Ask Questions

Let’s ask some questions to ourselves i.e. What? How? When? and above all Why now? It’s hard to do something without a concrete reason why we’re doing it in the first place. Let’s establish a strong reason that we can depend on as we go deeper into the road of detachment. This reason must be enough to make us decide to detach fully. 

Remember, it has be progressive. A one-time, big time reason won’t last and won’t help. Find the root cause and start looking at how it affects us, the people around us. Look around, look at ourselves. Detach when we know we’re losing it. 

2. Start Gradually

Let’s start small and we’ll end up with something big. We all started from something small as beginners , it takes time to develop. In detachment, one shouldn’t shock him/herself. Start small then try harder as each day passes by. It’s not easy, but slowly one would get the hang of it. We’re the only ones who can decide on what can and can’t let go of. 

There are certain things we can’t let go of or detach from at the start but we shall slowly learn and realize that it’s time to stop holding on to it. Let’s not exhaust ourselves because once we do, we might lose the reason(s) why we’re detaching and we’ll have to start again from scratch. 

3. Remain Grateful

Let’s remain grateful for whatever we have, be it happiness, pain or sorrow. Be grateful for the joy and hope. Be grateful for the memories. Be grateful for the smiles and scars, the wounds and tears. Be grateful for realizing the reason why we’re detaching. There are so many other things, and people that we can be grateful for. 

Detachment is a learning process and journey. Every day is a constant reminder of how happier we are without the toxic people / things in our lives. Every day is a reason to look at the brighter side. Be grateful for detachment that can give us a new chance to make fresh and better attachments in our lives. Be grateful because we are given a chance to find our self-worth. 

4. Uncage Yourself

We need to learn to ventilate. It would greatly help if we learn to express our feelings. The longer we keep it in, the harder it will become. We can only keep so much of our feelings and thoughts to ourselves that when the time comes, we might just blow up. Yes, there are certain things and feelings better left unsaid or unexpressed but it’s better to release the toxic ones. Cry it all out, shout, sing or do whatever you like. Write it down and just throw it away after. 

There are a million of ways to express ourselves and to release that anger or frustration. But better keep it as harmless as possible. Release a certain amount of feelings each day, or you could just release it all at once, it’s up to us. In detachment, what will make us feel comfortable and calm is important. This is about us and our feelings, no one should be judged for feeling. Feeling is what makes us human. 

5. Forgive Wholeheartedly 

Forgiveness is another crucial part in detachment. Pride can take over anytime. But don’t let pride win. Pride can make us do things we’ll regret, pride will make us say words that can leave wounds deeper than any blade can ever do. Forgive them but before that, forgive yourself. One word, 6 letters, and a lifetime worth of work, forgiving someone takes time. Also does detachment, but wouldn’t it be easier to hit two birds with one stone? 

As Oscar Wilde says: “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” The fact that forgiveness can influence our ability to forget details about an offence is of particular interest in view of the potential associated health benefits. Indeed, a whole new line of enquiry has begun to reveal numerous benefits for a forgiving individual.

Last Word

Circumstances in our lives don’t come with a documented instructions manual. Instead, we make it ourselves. Problems always go first before the solution. Life is this continuous cycle of trial and error, as we try to find the perfect solution to our problems. Problems won’t always take only five ways to solve; sometimes it would feel like there would be no way out. But we will always find a way. 

Remember that life happens, life teaches, life was meant to be lived, life loves and above all, life is for us. When we begin living a life that starts with happiness from an internal place rather than attaching our ability to be happy on external conditions, then we have understood detachment. Remember, it’s a practice. Happy or Fulfilling Life is the journey and not the destination, or as Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.”

Relevant Articles 

1. Minimalism: An Islamic Notion
2. Letting Go & Stepping Back: True Friends For Life
3. Gratitude is an Attitude
4. Leading a fulfilling life
5. How to do more with less

About the Author

Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth. 

Also, follow me on Twitter and Instagram