How Do You Create the Right Balance for Your Kids?

Just to clarify, this is not a “professional” opinion, I am not quoting psychiatrists, this is just one normal (well!!! that’s profoundly debatable 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️) everyday parent chatting with other parents.

Instead of spending time learning, exploring, playing, socializing, and relaxing, many kids’ schedules are worse than a CEO’s. Homework, music lessons, sports activities (multiple sometimes) … even playtime is structured into planned "play dates." Parents treat time as a scarce commodity and kids are feeling that strain. Most kids hate it BUT are too scared to tell their parents not to disappoint them. Kids are lashing out and this is causing them all kinds of crap that THEY ALONE have to deal with.

Parents can create a healthier balance in their kids’ lives by reshaping their schedules to include time for relaxing and discovering activities and experiences on their own. This means that children feel less stress, are less rushed, and have the opportunity to "just be kids."

I thought to myself, what do my friends – who are also parents – think about this. So, I asked this question to a few of them: How do you balance your kids' time and why is going back to school physically so important to do that?

Here are a few things my friends had to say:

This Sally (Sally Shamieh, DBA), Mommy of 2 young gents and a Research Project Manager at ESA Business School, Lebanon:

“Balancing school time, activities, friends time, and family time for kids can be tricky if you don’t strike the right balance as they need the right dose of all, but not to be overwhelmed at the same time because they become cranky and irritated without knowing why.

They need “me alone” time to unwind and rest and literally do nothing. No need to pack their schedules back-to-back. That is why going back to school after the Covid forced online schooling is super important for their growth and coping mechanisms.”

This is Iskandar (Iskandar Deeb, DBA Candidate) Daddy of 2 young ladies and the Managing Director at Interactive Insurance Brokers LLC, UAE:

“My kids are all grown now and can manage and balance their schedules perfectly well between studies, friends, family, and their own activities.

On the second note, as humans we are born to connect. Let’s identify the difference between an Individual and a person. An individual is isolated from people, while a person is someone who connects. By nature or by design, we are born as persons and not as individuals; we need to communicate and feel the richness in our communication.

How is this relevant? Kids learn best when they learn from each other. Kids MUST go back to school to restore normalcy and live the way God intended! It improves their personality, communication skills, collaboration with their peers, and a change of scenery if nothing else!”

This is Nanice (Nanice Khalil), Mommy of a young lady and the Regional Sales Director, Eastern Mediterranean at McGraw Hill, Egypt:

“As kids grow, especially teenagers, they become more independent. My daughter is a planner by nature. So, I don’t normally interfere in balancing her time. But, with Covid I had to restrict many of her activities in public.

 The lack of structure in her day made it difficult to manage her mood. Now that school is back face to face, she has more structure in her day.  She is able to socialize better and also participate in school activities.”

This is Shady (Shady Zeitoun), Daddy of 2 young ladies and Senior Operations Manager at CMA CGM, Lebanon:

“Balance is a tricky thing. It is one of the hardest things to master in life not just for kids, but for most of the adults I know. The Goldilocks Effect* is present in everything we do and it could go either way, quick. Children need to be informed on the benefits of moderation yet not be restrained. They should set the limits on what is too much and what is not enough and it is up to us to guide them into adjusting to ensure they don't overstep or under reach. In the ever immortal words of the fashionably wise Shaggy:

"Life is one big party when you're still young but who's gonna have your back when it's all done.”

It's hard to inspire kids to live life to the fullest yet always keep an eye out for what may come like. It's like drinking Mountain dew in the office!”

Now back to Yours Truly!

We all love our kids and do the best that we can for them. Based on my own meandering experience, here are a few ideas that may help in creating balance in your kid’s lives:

(1) Thou shall give them undivided attention. We all know and intuitively understand the importance of giving our children the attention they need. But we also have our own needs; we need to recharge, and sometimes the two can conflict. The question is, “how to create balance for everyone?”

What I find works is to (1) limit technology use and (2) create opportunities to connect with our kids. This could be as simple as going for a hike, having dinner together, or telling them a bedtime story. Any positive, targeted attention can strengthen that bond and let them know that they are cared for. It also supports their social-emotional development and gives them the tools they need to interact with others.

(2) Thou shall give them the power of choice. By giving our kids some ‘controlled’ control over their lives, their confidence and motivation to contribute will skyrocket. Even when these choices are simple, they give kids a sense of ability and effectiveness. They feel invested in whatever they’re doing because you got their “buy-in” by giving them some decision-making power.

On the flip side, we know (as parents) that sometimes “choice” isn’t a choice at all. This is very important too; teaching our kids that they can’t have what they want when they want it, can really help them at school or in the real world. (The shrink term is “delayed gratification”).

(3) Thou shall give them predictability. I like this one and it’s pretty easy. When we establish and maintain routines for our kids, they learn that the world can be a predictable place (to some extent). When they know what to expect on a regular basis, they are more comfortable and willing to take calculated risks. To set the scene, you probably already have some of these daily routines in place, like: (1) regular family dinner, (2) regular bedtime, (3) similar morning routine, etc.

When our kids know what to expect and what is expected, their stress levels go down, and they feel free to take healthy risks and explore.

(4) Thou shall teach them empathy and compassion.

One side note, someone asked me once, “what is the most important business skill you think every salesperson needs?”

My answer was, “empathy, hands down!”

The more we help our children see the world from other people’s perspectives, the better they will be prepared to engage socially. Teaching them kindness towards others prepares them to be more resilient when adversity comes knocking. Besides, when they feel good about themselves, they are more caring with those around them. Giving them regular praise, teaching them to love and like themselves for who they are, teaching them that making mistakes is part of growing up, and teaching them not to be judgmental, will prepare them to adapt and give them a sense of resiliency.

When people are empathetic and compassionate, they become engaged with life in a more meaningful way.

Well folks, this was my Verbal Breakdown for this week. Have a great week and see you in the next one.

Till then, keep it safe, keep it real, and keep it simple.

Ralph

Just In Case You Didn’t Know

* What Is the Goldilocks Effect?

The Goldilocks Effect is our tendency to consume information that's not too long, detailed, and complex, yet not too short, simple, and watered down. In other words, we prefer writing that zips us across the page but also teaches us something novel and interesting. 

Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this article belong solely to the author, and not to the author's employer, organization, committee, or other group or individual.