How do you lead people who don’t think like you?

When I joined the RAF more than 20 years ago we unapologetically celebrated “like-mindedness.”  It was very much a part of our cultural narrative. And it was something we were really proud of - the fact that we “just got each other”.

And it’s not hard to understand … there is a wonderful feeling when you make a connection with someone, and you think “yes yes that’s exactly what I think too!” (Presumably this is why phrase was coined “great minds think alike”)

And yet, if we all think the same as each other we create convergent thinking, group think, and confirmation bias. We are more likely to have blind posts and will miss emerging opportunities AND emerging risks or threats.  What’s worse, if everyone thinks the same way about problems, we’re less able to come up with ingenious ways to problem solve and deal with those threats.

So it’s official: the best teams are NOT made of like-minded people.

This has been well documented and I think, I hope, is something we can all agree on. But if you’re part of a truly diverse team, it might be the ONLY thing you can agree on.

I think it’s worth acknowledging the paradox here: Our instinct is to seek out commonality and shared values in our fellow humans.  Yet the best teams will be made of individuals who may be more different to you than they are similar. So where do we start? How do we navigate this seeming contradiction?

And if you’re a leader of a diverse team, the question you might be asking yourself is: how do you lead people who don’t think like you?

This article is a collection of some my thoughts on leadership challenge, (not all of them as that would take a long time) which I hope will stimulate others to share theirs.  Because, for reasons I’ve shared already, I don’t have all the answers myself.  But together we might be able to come up something quite wonderful.

1. Be aware of your own biases.

Have you ever heard someone say “they did the wrong thing for the right reason.”.  Maybe you’ve said it yourself. That tells us that our reason or motivation for doing something is important. It also implies that most of us we can tolerate a less-than-ideal outcome if we believe the person had the right intent. And that’s a really good thing, in my view. Because we all make mistakes. I believe a good leader will create the psychological safety for people to learn from those mistakes; being able to see positive intent even when there is a negative outcome will help us to be more accepting of mistakes.  So far so good.

But how often have you also heard someone say “they did the right thing for the wrong reason.”

That implies THEIR reason for doing the right thing was flawed.  According to YOU.

Let’s put it into context.

You’ve decided you want everyone to work in the office a minimum of 3 days per week. Your primary motivation for this is because you believe it creates the space for better collaboration and teamwork.        

Everyone in your team readily agrees and puts this into action. You’re delighted. And you may make the assumption that they clearly see the value of collaboration and are highly motivated to work as a team. What would happen if you tested that assumption. And you found out some people have different motivations.        

Person A - “I’m more dog than cat, I love people, in fact I’m actually not great on my own”        

Person B - “I’m happy working on my own, but it means I don’t have to pay to heating bills in my house 3 days a week so I can see the benefits”        

Person C - “I’m more cat than dog, I prefer to work on my own, but I want to do the right thing by the team”        

Would that be a problem for you? Does everyone have to have the same motivation as you?

Even more interesting, do you subconsciously judge people who have a different motivation.

For example, I’m more cat than dog.  I would prefer to work on my own, on an island which is surrounded by shark-infested custard so that nobody could interrupt me. I DON’T want to spend time by the water cooler catching up with people about their weekend.  I do however, realise that OTHER people want to spend time by the water cooler catching up about the weekend.  And if I’m honest, I have previously judged those people. I might have seen them as needy or time-wastery . But here’s the point. Whatever their motivation is, it’s just as valid as mine. They might need the social interaction. They might find their best ideas come from these water-cooler conversations. They might even want to check in and see how YOU are doing. Maybe they just needed to take a break because, you know, they’re human.

The truth is if you work with people who are not like-minded it’s HIGHLY LIKELY they will have different motivators to you.

So I think the real question here is: are you open to people having their own intrinsic motivators?

Are you willing to acknowledge and challenges your own biases about what the “right reason” is for doing something.

And perhaps a follow on question is: how do you know what their intrinsic motivation is in the first place?

2. Meet them where they are at.

So I’m hoping you’re feeling really motivated to work out, well, what motivates your team. And the good news is, this bit’s pretty easy. Just ask them.  Most people love to tell you about themselves.

Keep in mind however, that people also want to make a good impression. So they MIGHT try and second guess what you’re hoping to hear. And they MIGHT be nervous about YOUR motivation for asking them. I think the easiest way around this is just to signpost it really clearly.

SIGNPOST WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS“I’ve realised recently that sometimes we can be a bit blinkered about what motivates us, we assume it’s the same for everyone.  But actually it’s totally fine for everyone to have their own motivation for what they do.  In fact that what’s make a great team - when everyone has something a bit different to bring to they party. So I would love to know…        

THEN ASK THEM OUTRIGHT        

“What do you like most about what you do here at X?”        

“What lights you up?”        

“What are you good at?”        

You can use this to understand WHAT people like doing and what they are good at which is a great way to identify how they can work with their strengths. You can also ask HOW they like to work;  For example some people are integrators; They are happy to work in the evening and into the weekend so they can have a longer gym-break and they can attack tasks when they are feeling most motivated.  Some people are segrators; They like a clear end to the work day and they don’t check their emails after 5pm. Some people are happy dog-like people and want regular touch points with their team.  Some people are anti-social cat-like people and prefer to be left alone (I can say that because I am one of those people) So be curious about how they do their best work.

“How do you like to work?”        

“What time of day do you do your best work?”        

“What would be the most valuable support I could give you?”        

“What would be the least helpful thing the people around you could do?”        

It’s useful knowing the HOW because they won’t always be able to the WHAT, ie work on their favourite tasks.  It’s completely reasonable you might ask them to do things that don’t totally light them up.  But if you have an appreciation of HOW they’d like to approach those less desirable tasks that means you can still work WITH them as opposed to against them. Bringing this back to our earlier example of in-office working 3 days a week; if you’ve worked out one of your team is more cat than dog, they might like to have a quiet working space they can use to get some me-time. And all you had to do was ask.

Now you’ve established how to motivate and work with people who don’t think like you. Boom.

Now you’re ready for the next bit. This bit is even easier.

3. Get out of their way.

I used to think leadership was about telling people what to do.  The more I have learned about leadership the more I think almost precisely the opposite. And that’s coming from someone who spent 21 years in the military giving and receiving orders. Thing is when you tell people what to do, you’re taking away their freedom to think for themselves.  And that means you have to do ALL the thinking. Which is bonkers when you think about it - you’ve gone to ALL that trouble to get a great team of diverse thinkers, you’ve established what they’re good at how they like to work. Why would take away the opportunity for them to use those brilliant minds of theirs?

This is what I mean when I say leadership is about getting out of the way.

I’m not saying we should have a leaderless approach.  We dont need anarchy. But we don’t need autocracy either.

We need direction AND autonomy.

So rather than saying, this is what we need to do and I need you do it exactly as I say.        

You could say:        

This is the problem we need to solve. (Ie this why we are here doing what we do; this is our purpose)        

This is what we need to achieve. (Ie this is what good looks like to me, this our common aim)        

These are the constraints and the resources we have to work with. (Here’s the support available to you and here are some boundaries)        

Then let them decide how they want to go about it.

If this feels a little uncomfortable that’s not a coincidence; in my experience the right amount of autonomy should stretch us a little beyond our comfort zone.  Fear not for stretch is where we do our best work. And it’s where our team does their best work too. One easy way to achieve this sweet spot of autonomy is by replacing instructions with information.  Don’t tell them what to do, don’t micromanage. Give them the information they need (purpose, goals, boundaries, resources) and let them figure the rest.

Note staying “out of the way” isn’t leaving people to flounder.  That’s why we need to make sure they have the resources to do the job they need to do.  But I hope you get the general idea. Getting out of their way means creating the space for everyone to harness the unique brilliance of their own minds.

Now you’ve got of their way.

Now the next question: How do you STAY out of their way?

4.  There is NO such thing as a stupid question. But there is a stupid answer.

So you’ve given your people the space to think for themselves. High five!

News flash.

Some people find that scary as shit.

They might ask you some questions about how to get started. They might check back in with you with more questions.  These questions might seem quite basic. You might find those questions irksome. In my personal experience the best way to keep the enthusiasm to field these questions is to ask yourself “what is the motivation behind this question?”  “What are they really asking me?”

And this is where it gets really interesting.  Because a lot of people ask questions simply because they want reassurance. They want to know their judgement is correct. And the way we answer these questions can widen or narrow the field of cognitive diversity.  It would be tempting to say “yes you got that right” or “No I’d do it differently”. But remember you’re trying to harness the intellectual firepower of people who DON’T think like you. So if you validate their judgements immediately you’re teaching them to think like you. You’re creating convergent thinking.

Instead, when someone checks in with you to ask “is this the right way forward?” Rather than giving a definitive yes or no, ask them; “what do you think?”  Let them give you their answer.  Then, if you’re broadly on side with it (and remember it probably WONT look exactly like something you’d have come up with - deal with it) resist the temptation to say “ I agree/disagree”. Instead say “ok you’ve obviously thought about it, let’s try it then”.          

I know this might feel like abdication. Maybe even a dereliction of duty: You’re not giving your employee what they’re asking for, which is validation. But keep the faith. You’re giving them something much more meaningful: Courage in their own convictions. Because you are staying out for their way.

NOW you’re harnessing cognitive diversity.

5. What about the challengers?

So some people may be in the other camp. They don’t seek your validation. They’re not scared of autonomy. They grab it with both hands. And if they don’t like what you’re saying, well, you’ll know about it. This can be a real challenge.  Let’s face it, you’re probably trying to keep some order here.  You don’t need dissenters.  And yet ….you do. Because having your ideas challenges is crucial for cognitive diversity. Matthew Syed talks about it in his brilliant book, Rebel Ideas. He talks about necessity for outliers. He reminds us that because they are used to not fitting in they are used to thinking differently and they are probably used to challenging the status quo. These are your disruptors; They are an essential part of your team. Even if they are a pain in the arse sometimes. The good news is, I think it’s entirely possible to make meaningful connections with these people.

I think a good way to do this is to practice having your views challenged.  Engage in debate with people who know have different opinions to you about things.  (yes even if that means politics over dinner with your beloved - why not?) Ask a brave question that you know will spark debate and/or dissent. It helps to build trust in a relationship when you demonstrate that respect each other despite having different views.  And it’s a useful reminder you dont have to agree with someone to admire them.  I proved that to myself when I read Teresa May’s book.  (I admire her, but my god I disagreed with some of things she said.)

One way to keep the debate on the civil side is to approach it with curiosity. 

So when someone says something you disagree with you can respond with “that’s interesting.  I admit I don’t feel the same way but I’d love to understand your perspective. Can you tell me what has led to this opinion?”        

Be aware of your own urge to double down on your view, you may even feel triggered and have to manage your behaviour. This is why I like having a “go-to” phrase that I can default to when something has evoked strong emotion in me. But this does get easier the more you do it. The trick is get started.

I could rattle on about this forever, but dear reader, you probably need a break from the ME channel.  You probably need to hear a fresh perspective. And I’ve love to hear yours.  So please, if you’re as interested in inclusive leadership as I am, please comment below.

In the meantime I’ll leave you with these suggested takeaways:

👉Be aware of your own biases - who’s to say everyone should be motivated by the same things you are?

👉Get to know and fall in love with the unique strengths and motivations of everyone in your team. Ask what they love doing and how they like to work. (And then, where possible let them work that way)

👉 Inclusive leadership is a balance between direction and autonomy.  Tell your team what problem you need to solve but give them space to solve it in their own unique way.  (Information is better than Instructions) You’ll know when the level of autonomy is about right because it will feel uncomfortable

👉 To encourage further autonomy and divergent thinking, try not to solve every problem that a team member brings to you. Get into the habit of asking questions til they suggest their own solution and then let them try it out (even if it’s different to how you would approach it). You never know they might just have struck gold.

👉 Cherish your disruptors and challengers.  Learn how to engage with them skilfully and respectfully by practicing having your views challenged: after dinner debates, asking “brave questions” that invite dissent, reading articles or books by people you admire but don’t agree with.

Sarah Furness is a keynote speaker specialising in leadership, performance and resilience “under fire.” She is also an executive coach. If you'd like to know more reach out at sarah@sarahfurness.com

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