How Do You Manage Being Both Introverted and a Woman in an Environment Driven by Extroverted Men?

This week I delivered a webinar for the Institute of Leadership and Management called How to Thrive as an Introverted Leader. With 350 in attendance, and limited time, it was not possible to get through the numerous questions asked. Over the coming weeks, I will answer questions that were not answered in this newsletter. The responses are my suggestions. However, if the question applies to you, you will need to do what works best for you, which may be different to the response I have given.

If you did not see the webinar or want to watch it again, click on the video below.

Question - How do you manage being both female and introverted in a male driven, extroverted environment?

Answer - As a woman leader in an environment driven by men, you can face many challenges. This is particularly so if it is historically a male dominated profession. In male dominated organisations, women face increased gender based discrimination and harassment. Add to that being an introverted woman in an environment driven by extroverted men, it can be even more of a challenge for you.

Many women who are leaders (both introverted and extroverted) tell me that when they assert themselves, they are told that they are being aggressive. This has been a particular issue for black women. Being told this over a long period can affect their confidence in speaking up and saying what is on their mind.

For an introverted woman working in such an environment, it can often be hard to be heard, and many find that they are overlooked, talked over and that others take the glory for their work.

Do the work on you

Before you can lead others, you have to be able to lead yourself and leading others includes managing relationships with your peers and seniors too. If you have worked in an environment where you feel you do not have a voice for a long time and it has chipped away at your self-confidence, in order to speak up and assert yourself, do the work on you first.

Address any self-limiting beliefs and confidence issues so that you are in a stronger position mentally and emotionally to deal with matters. Working with a coach can help you achieve this. With self-confidence and a healthy dose of self-belief, it will be easier to not personalise the experience in a negative way and let it affect you emotionally.

Develop your self-awareness and emotional intelligence

Developing your emotional intelligence (in particular your self-awareness) means you will be aware of the behaviours and situations that negatively impact you and how you naturally respond. You can’t choose what other people say and do to you, but you can choose how you respond. With self-awareness, you can adapt how you respond to other people’s behaviour towards you.

This will also help you to be aware of how others respond to you and you will see where situations call for you to modify your behaviour in order to get a better outcome.

Be assertive

Be assertive and hold your ground so that colleagues don’t talk over you or take the glory when the glory should be yours. This might take you out of your comfort zone, but the more you do it, the easier it gets and the more confident at it you will become.

If you have done the work on developing you, it will be easier to manage any worry or anxiety you have about asserting yourself. If you get told you are being aggressive or too emotional, ask for specific feedback as to when and how. If you think that it is unwarranted, let them know that you disagree and why.

Address unfair and inappropriate behaviour

Whether it is done by way of direct, unfair, or inappropriate behaviour, or by way of microaggressions, call offences out as and when they happen. If you are someone who avoids confrontation because you do not like it, don’t view it as confronting someone but look at it as helping them to see things from your perspective.

The word confrontation carries so many negative connotations but by reframing it, it will help you view what you need to do in a more positive way and feel less stressful.

If behaviour shown towards you is inappropriate and constitutes a breach of policy or is a form of discrimination, follow the guidance in your organisation’s respective policy and seek appropriate advice as needed.

Develop interpersonal relationships

Develop interpersonal relationships so that they get to know and understand you and you know and understand them. Because you may not join in with the things that they do and say, you may think you have little in common. However, find common ground, develop rapport, and build relationships.

This doesn’t mean you have to start doing things that go against who you are or that you don’t enjoy. It means that you have conversations with them and get to know them individually and personally in order to improve your working relationships.

Be yourself and don’t feel that you have to be one of the boys or put on a persona, pretending to be someone that you are not. And if your colleagues hold misconceptions about what introversion is, enlighten them.

If working in the environment you are in feels like a never ending battle that you have no chance of winning (or are unable to influence), ask yourself if this is a battle you really want to fight or is it time for you to move on.

Have you experienced being an introverted woman working in an environment dominated by extroverted men? If so, what has it been like for you?

If you are a woman who is a senior leader or middle manager and you're finding things challenging; or want to go for promotion; or make a career transition; or be more influential and impactful, email me at carol@aboundingsolutions.com to find out how I can help.

About Me

I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach, known as The Coach for High Achieving Introverted Women, and 4 times LinkedIn Top Voice UK. I coach women who are senior leaders to be visible, to confidently exude presence, to influence, and make an impact. I also provide workshops, webinars and talks on personal development, career development and leadership development.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here. 

My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows how these challenges can be overcome. The hardcopy is available here.

Or you can get it on Kindle here.