How to Engage the Quiet Voice in the Room

Today we had our weekly Clubhouse session "The Quiet Ones at Work".

It was inspired by a conversation I had with a HR director a few weeks ago as she asked, how do we ensure inclusion of the Quiet Ones?

And it struck me, in our DEI efforts as we focus on including women, people of colour, LGBTQ+ employees and others in our workplaces, are we missing out a BIG category? The shy ones, the introverts, people with anxiety, those who are neuro-divergent...?

Here are some statistics:

50% Introverts

40% Shy people

18% People with Anxiety

17% Neurodivergents

I suspect the 18% and 17% figures are higher as many are not diagnosed. These are primarily US figures (sources via links).

Quick note: not all these categories are necessarily quiet at work. I am an introvert but very vocal. I didn't start that way. For the first 18 years of my life I was very shy and was terrified of speaking. It was drama that changed it for me. An Australian theatre actor told me that most actors ARE introverts. That's one of the tips a speaker shared below.

How are our workplaces equipped to address the Quiet Ones? Most aren't. And what a tragedy. We don't get to hear their ideas, witness their brilliance, see them rise and get promoted... because, let's face it, we tend to promote those who are visible. And they tend to be the vocal ones.

Today, I hosted our Clubhouse session with some brilliant Quiet Ones: Dr Niccy Tong, Lee Jia Ping, Shana Tufail and KK Tang. For Dr Niccy Tong and Shana Tufail (both Speak Up Champions), this was their debut on the Clubhouse Stage. Niccy is championing "Managers Who Listen" and Shana, "Neurodiversity and Inclusion" within The Speak Up Collective.

There were some incredible gems, and I learnt a great deal. I hosted this room with the intention of getting feedback for the benefit of leaders, management and HR. So read and learn!

Why are The Quiet Ones... quiet?

Loud environments can be overwhelming.

Judging people’s suggestions and ideas can trigger the social anxiety side of the shyness.

Feels safer to sit quietly in the corner, not make the contribution I know I can make if things were different.

Felt sadness about the missed opportunities when the moment had passed, and how this affects self esteem and confidence. It can be scary,

"The quiet ones have very good reasons to be quiet. It is with a high probability a surviving strategy. Which means that safety is a prerequisite to invite them to try or experiment something different. And here a quote by Stephen Porges (Polyvagal theory) "we can't just supply social support and expect it to be received" That is the point with all of those who do not feel safe yet in the relationship to us, may they be quiet, or aggressive, or numb..." (Sent by DM).

"I was the quiet person (which has helped me so much to manage quiet employees, quiet clients, quiet opponents..) and I remain still sometimes the quiet person in most rooms!"(Sent by DM)

What People Leading Meetings should do:

We all know the Quiet Ones in a meeting. It might be us. I asked, what should the people who are conducting meetings do to ensure the Quiet Ones can contribute?

Before the meeting

1. Make sessions/meetings clear - what is it about and objectives?
2. Consider who you are inviting to ensure it’s meaningful for those who attend. Make it clear beforehand what their role is so they know their contribution is needed.
3. Will there be slides? Send them out beforehand. While some people can speak on the spot, many don’t and need more time to process their thoughts, and put it down. By seeing the material beforehand, they can come to the meeting prepared and more confident.
4. Ask people individually what they need and what they need to speak in the meeting. 
5. Ask them, “how would you best like to show up in this meeting and how would you put your ideas across”.

At the meeting

1. Make people feel welcome at meetings.
2. Inform everyone at the start of the meeting that they will all be given time to speak, without any interruption, judgment or dismissal of what they say.
3. Give people the opportunity to speak. Notice if anyone wants to speak but might be nervous. Teachers are trained to look out for students who aren’t talking, and draw them out. This is something leaders can learn (this was from a teacher).
4. Intervene when people are all speaking at the same time. It's especially overwhelming for neurodivergents.
5. Be aware that women in particular tend to not speak up in meetings because they don’t want to look like they’re showing off or being egoistic. Women are more service oriented (to serve others). They fear being judged. Invite them to speak by framing it as their input would help the team/others.

A note on Zoom meetings:

For the neuro-divergent, workplaces can be intensely overwhelming. Zoom is difficult.

I need to have my camera off. But each time I need to explain to people why and I don’t see why I have to talk about my condition each time. The default should be to allow people to choose whether to have camera and mic on/off without having to explain themselves.

Trust the people who choose not to turn on cameras/mics. We tend to judge them as “eating” or “doing something else” when they may have very good reasons for not doing so. Employers need to operate from trust, not judgment. For example, a person I invited to stage DM’d me to say they had just been to the dentist and couldn’t speak.

When Ideas are discussed/Brainstorming

We have our best ideas in the oddest of times, normally outside the office. People need time to reflect before the brilliant ideas emerge. It’s hard to think of ideas in a meeting. Invite them to share later: “You’re welcome to e-mail me when you’ve had your thoughts…” 

Key conditions for the Quiet Ones to open up

What can leaders/management do to ensure Quiet People have the space to be heard and shine?

1. Having bosses that believe in you really helps.
2. Set up feedback loops - ask for honest feedback and listen to what’s being said. "I was being shut down and not heard". 
3. Leaders should ask: What do you need to be able to be your best self?
4. Drawing people out instead of policing them. Presumption of bad intent.
5. Being mindful and not judge. Trust each other.
6. Think about the Quiet People during year end performance appraisals. What are you valuing, especially the quieter women, minority races and neuro-divergent employees.

Is there a difference between working in a small organisation, or a large one?

A small firm was like family. There was space to fail and learn. Felt intimidated in an international firm with international people. Noticed I was retreating into self.

It’s easier to hide in larger organisations. In smaller ones, you are seen, so you must speak.

Tips: What stretched you and made you less quiet?

"I was worried that what I say will come out wrong. I looked around and saw younger people speak up, and told myself if they can do it, I can do it."

Seeing people, where English was not their first language, speaking in meetings.

"I pledged I would say at least one thing at every meeting. Sometimes I’d wait an hour and a half before I could. When the boss would say, any other thoughts, I’d speak then. It’s like a muscle. In attending 200 meetings a year and I felt more comfortable" Note: this is someone who now gives talks to large crowds.

Theatre helped me. I was playing a role. If nervous we were told to Imagine others naked and that felt easier. 

Slowing down and deeply listening with mind, body and heart. 

Are you a Quiet One? What is your experience? Tell us what leaders and management can do to make sure your voice is heard.