How to Be Feminine and What it Actually Means

If you struggle to connect with your feminine side, you're not alone. Many of us cover up - all the way to disconnecting from our femininity due to work or personal circumstances, and it can be difficult to find our way back to her. By embracing your feminine essence, you can rediscover yourself and become the truest version of yourself. By acknowledging and forgiving the negative messages and untrue stories that have been told about femininity, you can begin to rebuild yourself and live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Being feminine is what our culture teaches us, what we unlearn from it and transform into our unique expression of what comes naturally to us as women.

Feminine essence is not something that we go out and get, it's a force that is already within us. It’s something we become willing to experience. Something we admit we have. Your feminine essence is activated when you make certain physical, energetic, and emotional shifts.

For example, any time you are eating delicious food and feel, “Mmmmm, this is good,” you are in your feminine energy. You are connected to your senses and sensitive to your body’s experience. When you admire a beautiful sunset, when you are in communion with nature, when you appreciate a sensual experience at that moment you are in your feminine energy.

Why was I never connected to my feminine essence?

Why I was never connected to my feminine essence? You might be wondering if every woman has a feminine essence. and the answer is yes, although most women’s feminine essence is their primary essence, many women energetically cover it up, especially us, modern women nowadays and even sometimes unconscious since we spend the majority of our day in a workplace, such a masculine environment requires from us to be in our masculine energy and then when we come back home, sometimes we just keep on going and we bring the same energy to our home and partner, forgetting that home is the place to be soft, delicate and tiny.

There are also other factors like the environment where you grew up or situations that have forced you to become hard. Maybe you grew up in a dangerous neighborhood, you were raised by a masculine single mother or grandmother, with a lot of boys, maybe you have been hurt in life and you had to toughen yourself up and build a shield around your vulnerability to protect yourself.

Some of us never learned about or were exposed to femininity, maybe you grew up in a home without a mom, either your mom passed away, you grew up with just a dad, or you don’t have a good relationship with the woman in your family mom, sister, aunts and grandma, they might even be narcissistic, other women might be very present and love you but will just not have that level of femininity to give, maybe life was hard for them and they felt that the best thing that they could do for you is teaching you to be strong so you are prepared for the world, in that case, is absolutely done with the best of intentions but learning how to be strong doesn’t mean you always have to be.

If you have never been able to relax and let go, are a goal-driven perfectionist, tense and efficient, and unable to fully surrender in an intimate embrace, then you are someone who is rejecting your own feminine essence. And let me tell you that it's completely normal to have a hard time trying to figure out how to soften up your femininity.

You are who you are based on your circumstances, your genetics, and things that have happened to you. A lot of times we move through life and we hold on to these things that happen to us, that the people that we love, trusted, and maybe even our livelihood depended on told us, becoming introjections, that are the unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others. If you are wondering what introjections are, this is that judgmental voice within you that seems to be ruling your life, that has an opinion and criticizes everything you do, including the air you breathe. She strips away who you really are, slowly and over time throughout our lives.

That’s why as women, reconnecting with our feminine essence is a paramount aspect of our healing as a species, for all humankind, and of our purpose here on earth, which requires that we build ourselves back up so we don’t live in a place where we are reacting to everything anymore.

It’s important to keep in mind that if you have been guided here, its because you are ready to do the work, and it will require all of you, because being from your feminine essence requires a new version of yourself, if you just try to add this way to your life, it will not stick. because it’s a transformation, a metamorphosis, a becoming. You have to reconstruct your entire essence as a woman, especially if you know that there was trauma in your life.

Femininity allows you to rediscover yourself, to reinvent and rebrand yourself as a feminine woman. When you have the intent to learn about loving yourself and you are connected with the love and wisdom of your femininity, you are your true self. When you start embodying your feminines essence, you will experience some resistance from the people in your life, it is completely normal, just as when your favorite product has a new label, a new font, and new colors, you complain about how you miss the old packaging, exactly the same, but you don’t change who you are in terms of the person you are becoming based on what someone else thinks, they either get used to the new you or disappear.

"I want you to take a deep breath and reflect on How Do You Feel About your Own Feminine Essence?"

It’s important to recognize why you turned it off—or at least turned it down—to begin with. By looking at the negative messages and untrue stories that have been told over the years about the qualities of the feminine, we can acknowledge them, forgive them, and choose a different story, a different belief. Femininity is a spectrum - locating where in that spectrum you are and enhancing it that is what you want.

What do you have to do to be Feminine?

To Do. Nothing, femininity is all about being and embodying, It’s about becoming aware of your body, to feel your body, and being in constant conversation with her. Femininity is definitely a lifestyle.

In my family, I learned to be a compliant child who took care of everyone else’s feelings. I was always vigilantly aware of others’ feelings but completely ignored my own, and was therefore unaware of what was going on inside of me. It took me a lot of practice to learn to be present in my body with my feelings. Most of us learned to disconnect from our feelings because we could not manage the pain of abuse, neglect, bullying, rejection, or loss, or of not being seen, valued, and loved in the way we needed. As a result, we also lost access to our gut feelings—our inner knowing, our intuition—as we learned to numb our emotions in order to survive the pain of childhood. This is why embodying your feminine essence begins by learning to move into the present moment, learning to focus within and tune in to your feelings, and tune into your body.

Is about practicing moving from mind focus to body focus so that you can be aware of your feelings moment by moment. It offers a mindfulness practice that begins the process of opening you up to receive the positive energy of life that is here to enliven and sustain you. When you reconnect with your feelings and your body, you gain an inner guidance system that lets you know about your intent, when you are being loving to yourself, when you are abandoning yourself, what is right for you or wrong for you, and whom you can trust and whom you can’t.

Painful, wounded feelings—or any lack of inner peace—let you know that you are abandoning yourself, while peaceful feelings let you know that you are loving yourself. When you learn to lovingly manage the existential pains of life, you can even learn to stay inwardly peaceful in the face of losses and others’ unloving behavior. Being feminine is to remember that there is nothing outside of yourself to do. It’s simply a matter of relaxing and allowing what is already true of you. Just relax into your heart, your body, your womb, and breathe. You will be surprised at how simple it is. In relation to men, the natural feminine force is the attractive force. There is nothing that you have to do to make it so. If you walk into a room filled with men, you will feel this charge of polarity, you notice that your presence caught attention and feel the eyes on you). It doesn’t matter how many times you have been told you are unattractive. Your natural feminine radiance, your relaxed feminine happiness, and your open feminine heart are expressions of universal feminine energy. The attractive force is simply true of you if you choose to relax into your body as the feminine expression of human life that you are.

Let’s bring it to earth and break it down into 6 traits of an embodied feminine woman + 5 action steps that you take right now!

1. You are Connected to your Intuition

We talked that a woman who embodies her feminine essence is aware of her internal experience. She often looks inward to her physical, emotional, and energetic body to guide her. She waits for the “right time” to make a choice or a change. She is Attuned to her intuition, she does not feel the need to rush ahead or struggle to achieve her goals. The rhythm of the feminine is slower than the usual pace people move. A woman in tune with her feminine essence is more in joy, flowing with the sensual beat of life, rather than always on the go, looking to get ahead.

So how can we put this into practice? I started to intentionally walk slower, This is how I started, even if I am in a rush, as I am intentional about it, I’m constantly noticing and catching myself walking fast, very decisive to get somewhere to do something in my own house, it's amazing how I default to rush. By bringing awareness to my fast pace I automatically slow down the pace even with my own resistance and arguments, as I slow down the pace its like time slows down with me, and I move more my hips as I go, I notice the things I pass by on my way to the kitchen and somehow my mood improves because I really enjoyed walking this way. This is one of the amazing gifts that reconnecting with my feminine essence is gifting me. Presence!

At any moment of the day, we can choose to become aware of what we are being (am I being patient, loving, supportive, annoying, open, defensive, etc.) rather than simply being aware of what we are doing.

 2. Being not Doing

The feminine essence is not focused only on doing to accomplish and create what it wants, but it understands the power of being. What we are being is something that comes from within us, rather than something external we “do” to make something happen.

A woman embodying her feminine essence does not have to control her environment or push to make something happen. She’s much more in love with the process rather than achieving a fixed outcome, and so her power comes from natural responsiveness and not direct independent action.

A woman in her feminine essence knows that, before she walks into any room, all she has to do is choose to feel her compassionate nature, her charm, her patience, or whatever the moment calls for, and it is with her. Her state of being automatically affects what comes out of her mouth, who and what she is drawn to, and what type of impression she leaves.

 3. Be open to Receive

The feminine is the receptive power. The feminine essence opens to receive, whether that be emotional support, insightful guidance, help getting things done around the house, or favors that can help her expand her business. Unfortunately, being a person that is open to receiving is easier said than done, especially for most women. We have been conditioned to give, give, give as if that were the way to be valued and loved: “If you give to your man, give to your kids, give to your work, give to the household chores, give to any friends in need—give to everyone except yourself—you will be a good woman.”There is much power in being open to receive. In fact, masculine men are much more drawn to women who love to receive their gifts, women who readily display that they have room in their life and a need for a man. Think about this the next time you don’t want to show gratitude to a man who opens a door for you or wants to help you in some way. If your habit is not accepting or asking for support, you are cutting off one of the most attractive forces the feminine has. There are many examples of empowered women who allow men to support them.

4. Inner Radiance

The feminine qualities include the ability to give love, nurture and bring radiance to life, which attracts people into their bodies and their hearts. The more a woman does this, the more attractive she is to her man. Men are always attracted to radiant women. Radiance does not depend on specific physical features. Radiance is the beauty that shines from a woman’s happiness. It is the shine of her love.

Some of your special gifts to your man as his chosen women are energy and attraction. You attract him towards life by your radiance and give him the energy to endure the crucifixions of life through the power of your love. Your gifts of energy, radiance, of attraction, may take the form of your genuine smile, the look of love in your eyes, your touch, or anything that fills his body, mind, and emotions with energy, love, and life. Then he feels you as his source of delight in an otherwise burdensome world.

5. Zero Pressure Energy

When there is pressure the unconscious mind sees your desires as life or death. What is created from pressure only attracts more pressure. Pressure puts you into fight or flight mode, which is survival mode. Survival mode leads you to create a life of survival, not one where you thrive. Wondering, following clues unattached, and enjoying the ride.

Zero-pressure energy is where everything is magnetized to you. 

Let Go of the: “I need this”, “This has to happen.”, “I should have ____”, “I have to ____” and surrender to that which you cannot control, set your intention and allow the universe to bless you best case scenario.

 6. Cycle Syncing

Menstruation is the consequence of not having conceived. For menstruation to appear, we must have ovulated and our body must have failed in its conceptive confabulations, being forced to destroy and expel the endometrium it had created to support pregnancy. The menstrual cycle and the reproductive cycle are two sides of the same coin. We call the failed attempt to conceive the menstrual cycle and the successful attempt the reproductive cycle.

You must realize that ovulation always ends in one of the three processes of the evacuation of what is inside the uterus: menstruation, abortion, or childbirth. When we menstruate, we expel the fertile soil in which the fertilized egg was to implant. When we miscarry or give birth, we expel the fetus or baby and the structures we have created to support the gestation (sac, amniotic fluid, and placenta, if they have had time to develop). Women menstruate because each month our body prepares everything to conceive and carry a baby. Regardless of your plans for the future, from the first to the last period - about forty years - your body is constantly plotting to conceive.

Our culture has disassociated menstruation from the reproductive fact, that is to say, few women keep in mind when they menstruate that the period is the end of the effort to conceive that their body has made during that cycle. When they observe menstruation they do not think that this blood is the result of the creative act that is ovulation, they do not think that it could have been the cradle of their baby.

Women menstruate without valuing their menstruation and the great power they have for being the humans who give life, who gestate human beings, who nurture them, who carry them in their wombs, in their arms, and on their backs. In our culture, this power does not have the immense recognition it deserves. If we do not keep in mind that menstruation is part of the miracle of life and death, the period will seem to us like a useless whim of nature.

The length of the menstrual cycle is variable and changes depending on many environmental and personal factors. Most women have cycles of between twenty-four and thirty-five days. Some women are very stable and almost always have cycles of the same length, but many others do not. There are life stages in which cycles tend to be irregular, that is, in which months pass between one period and the next: adolescence, postpartum and climacteric. There are also women who have periods in their lives when they experience irregular cycles for other reasons. In any case, no matter how regular you are, you will never know the exact length of the cycle you are in until you ovulate, because the phase from menstruation to ovulation - The follicular Phase -can lengthen or shorten. On the other hand, the time between ovulation and the next menstruation - the luteal phase - is always stable and it takes (about two weeks).

So the menstrual cycle is governed by ovulation. If we learn to detect ovulation we will always know more or less when our period will come.

which brings us to The cyclic danceThe hormones that orchestrate the menstrual cycle and the reproductive cycle not only modify your sexual organs but make your whole being dance to their rhythm: body, mind, emotions, sexuality, spirituality, social relationships, needs. All of you change depending on the phase of the cycle in which you find yourself. Women live in constant transformation during the forty years that the fertile stage lasts. A transformation is similar to the one that nature undergoes with the seasons of the year. In each phase of the cycle, we enjoy the opportunity to experience life in a different way, unfortunately, no one has taught us to know and appreciate our cyclical functioning, so most women struggle to remain stable rather than cooperate with it.

The menstrual cycle and the reproductive cycle are natural cycles that cannot be changed. We must adapt to them and enjoy the gifts that each of their phases brings, just as we do with the seasons of the year.No one complains that it's not possible to contemplate playing with the snow in summer, or having a beach party in the middle of winter. No one questions the cyclical functioning of nature. What we do is take advantage of activities that allow us to make the most of this cold season.

In the same way, fighting against women's cycles is a path of frustration, and a cultural absurdity. In our culture, we feel that the arrival of menstruation ruins the best plans because we do not take it into account to organize them, since our mothers and the whole society have taught us that the period should not change anything, that you should go on with your day to day life as if nothing happened. However, menstruation does change our state and needs, so it requires that, in the same way, we adapt our plans to the seasons of the year, we also organize them depending on whether we will have our period or not.

We menstruate one week a month, which equals a total of eight years if we add up all the time we have our periods throughout our lives. Either we learn to adapt our lives to menstruation or we will spend eight bitter years fighting for the impossible.

How can we take action on developing these traits?

One word: Softness.

1. Look Soft

Taking the time to learn, understand, appreciate, and utilize all the things that make you unique as a woman, includes being aware of all the features we come with as well as truly understanding our strengths and weaknesses. it means that you are paying attention to all aspects of your body, you are here now, fully present, hands, teeth face, clothing, shoes, apply lotion after you wash your hands, skin routine, face masks, get a facial, use serum, close attention to hygiene, skin looks even and hydrated, nurture your skin, put lotion to your skin, and here I know most of you like myself can have acne or rosacea and let me tell you that in my experience having a skin routine and moisturizing consistently is vital for best results. you Shower as many times as you need to. Clothing, colors, hair, and nails, are done to make you feel good primarily and to represent yourself. Colors are so important in how they impact your skin, how highlights your radiance, and makes a difference in how you are received, I am extremely color sensitive, colors generate sensations within me, and what I can share with you about that is that the most important thing to understand about colors regarding our persona is that your favorite color might not be a color that looks good on you. you can still love the color and get things with this color as details or an accent, but not on you as a primary color.

2. Soften your movements

Faces are stiff, we don’t want to let go! I cannot tell you how many times I catch myself in a hurry and my mind is ruminating on negative thoughts, I am somehow contracting areas of my face, mostly the jaw area, the eyebrows, and the mouth, As I guide myself to relax the muscles and take a deep breath, my face comes back to her natural rest state and it feels like those contractions in my face where creating a really scary looking mask. I can see it in my head, I acknowledge it and I am so happy to let it go. The mind starts ruminating on painful memories, or negative thoughts, our body goes into survival mode, and the anger and resentment surface physically as a mask over your face, as contracting, frowning, like stuck on an expression of the thought that you were thinking. We have done this for so many years that it become our unconscious way of being, softening your movements is a great way to dive into your feminine essence and at the same time heal the trapped traumas in our bodies.

Dance, stretch in the morning and evening, more grace when you move around, get massages, paint gracefully, start looking at things from a different angle - have more flexibility, take your time walking to the store, smiling softens your way as a woman, drink slowly and appear friendly.

3. Soften your Mind 

You know that your mind creates your reality, you are being aware of all of the things that impact the way that you think, and you feed your mind with things that elevate it

Mind friendships, partners, people from the past that bring you down to a past version of you, people that do not support the kind of woman you want to be, books you read, people you follow and watch on social media, watch out from the drama driven people because you catch it, stop watching people that are masculine and aggressive, step away from the things that are hardening you up as a person, kindly remove yourself from places that do not embrace who you are.

4. Soften your spirit

Everything flows from there, renewing your spirit, your personal relationship with your soul, with the goddess within you, with your womb, with your inner child, if you want to be a different woman, believe that you are worthy. Hug yourself every morning, and give yourself the safety that you so crave. In order to really be soft to embody your feminine power and confidence, you are going to have to love yourself and love people and genuinely care about people, plants, animals, and life.

Being willing to become aware of your feelings, face them, and accept them can open up new possibilities in life. Because we are no longer driven by avoidance, which leads to painful situations in addition to painful feelings, we can truly be with ourselves and with others.

False beliefs also limit your frequency and, therefore, your ability to connect with your feminine energy. Often these beliefs are background noise—subconscious junk thoughts that create your wounded feelings. Becoming aware of your limiting, false beliefs and learning to access the truth is vital for raising your frequency and being able to access your Feminine energy.

5. Soften your tone

We understand and know the power of our words. Watch the way you speak, you speak your reality into existence, your words are spells and they are sacred. Your speaking should flow like a cool nurturing tone, your tone of voice can change a conversation that is becoming an argument. I know its hard, especially for us modern women, to have to listen to things that do not make sense, gas slighting, narcissism, dum excuses, there might be some things that your partner says that trigger you and you just want to answer, it comes so strong that you cannot even breathe, you speak over yourself, it's intense I know. But those are exactly the moments when we need to become aware of ourselves in that present moment and actively choose to listen and learn, to use non-violent communication and repeat back to them exactly what they say and ask if it's correct. This will give you the time to shift from a trauma response to a place of wanting to learn what the other person is trying to communicate. A lower tone, deep breaths, and a slow flow of words make it really hard for people to get mad at you.

The feminine essence is the power of unity, connection, and relationship, which weaves all of creation together rather than just focusing on the individual.

A woman living in her feminine essence longs to connect with what’s around her. She wants a relationship. She wants to love and be loved. I have a well-developed masculine essence, because I mastered the art of survival through it and I love to lead in my business, and I enjoy life when I accomplish my goals. However, my deepest longing is for intimate communion. When I am truly honest with myself, I acknowledge that above everything else what my feminine heart wants is to connect with others in a deep and soulful way. That’s Why The Boss Babe Wake-Up Call happened to me. And I am so grateful for it. It came to me as a panic attack that stripped me from my career, my title, and everything I achieved as a professional woman, the meaning I was giving to life. It’s been a beautiful journey!

What is the only thing that you need to be feminine?

You need a safe environment to express your femininity freely, finances, also being financially stable allows you to be in your femininity.

The Next Steps

Write down all the Masculine behaviors you have recognized in yourself and set your intention to stop them. Then reflect on What actions can you start today to soften into your feminine essence? Let me know in the comment section.

You will get there, you will able to unravel all of the pain that has happened in your life and you will be able to blossom: nurturer, comforter, creatrix, life-giver, the beauty of the world, that is what you are

One of my goals is to help you to trust that consistently living in your feminine essence will lead you to life’s greatest pleasures.

Don’t allow society to strip that from you and know that you deserve to able to be comfortable in your womanhood, you deserve to be taken care of, and that you deserve to be beautiful.