How Getting Sick Can Radically Change Your Life

“The biopsy came back pre-cancerous…”

I was sitting in my car listening to a voicemail from my doctor.

It was 5:02 p.m. on a Friday.

I tried to call back. No one answered.

I tried again.

No answer. They were closed for the weekend.

I don’t know why I kept calling. I didn’t need them to tell me why this happened, I already knew. My body had been talking to me for a long time, I just chose not to listen. This was a direct result of the chronic stress I was experiencing from living a life for everyone else.

I was doing work that was unfulfilling with my OWN company, with clients that were draining.

I was in a relationship that needed to end, like multiple years prior.

I was in and out of depressions, something that I had accepted for most of my life.

I was trapped in a life that I had created and there was no one to blame.

The fact of the matter is…

We are traumatized people.

Dr. Gabor Mate said, “So much of what people suffer from, whether it’s a physical illness, mental illness or an addiction, relates to childhood experience”.

Trauma is an event that divides your life into a clear before and after, an experience that changes the way you view the world.

“Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”

-Dr. Gabor Mate

Our childhood events shape our adult world, which is completely fine — it’s part of what it is to be human. Except when we have blockers that stem from our childhood experiences. Blockers are anything that keep us from achieving our desired goals or outcomes. And I sure as heck was not achieving my desired goals or outcomes.

Why did I keep choosing unhealthy relationships?

Why was I giving my time to people who did not value me?

Why did I let people walk all over me?

Why couldn’t I just tell people what I wanted?

Digging into my childhood was the key to unlocking my health.

Here’s What I Did

Getting that call was one of the most sobering moments of my life. If I didn’t change something, I was likely going to get cancer.

After a week of feeling sorry for myself:

• I began intensive treatment to address the root of depression that I had been experiencing most of my life.
• I ended that relationship for good and worked on me.
• I fired the wrong clients and got abundantly clear on who the right ones were.
• I started setting very clear boundaries.

Boundaries are physical or emotional lines that you draw to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger, and burnout — which lead to chronic stress — which leads to the damn pre-cancerous tissues and a whole plethora of other chronic diseases.

This series of events led to a clear picture of what I wanted out of this life. I found out; who I was, my purpose, what I love doing, what I want in a partner, and how I want to show up in life.

The noise of my childhood and past traumas finally quieted.

So What Happened?!

I wanted this article to end there as I often times do. I paint a rosy picture of the traumatic thing and the lesson learned, but never give anything beyond a glimpse of the real work that had to do to get to that place.

So, I won’t leave you hanging this time!

Being Alone.

This was a tough one. I love being in partnership. During this period of intense growth, any time that I would meet someone, I would tell them up front that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I chose to stay single for about 7 months and during that time I figured out what I valued in a partner. Immediately after, someone walked into my life that I couldn’t ignore.

Spoiler alert: we’re still together.

Mental Health.

For the longest time, I thought depression was something that was a part of me. I had no idea how much my past was determining my present. In the past 12+ years, I have tried almost everything that you can possibly try to treat depression to no avail. Until, I stumbled across studies on the effects that ketamine has on PTSD and depression.

I won’t go into too much detail because I am not a doctor, but if you are experiencing treatment resistant depression — this could be a solution. Ketamine made it possible for me to rewire my traumatized brain and exponentially increase the quality of my life.

Finding Purpose.

This isn’t a journey that I recommend taking alone. It is invaluable to have a guide or a coach to walk you through a tried and true process.

That’s what I did.

Long story short, I was guided back into my past traumas and from there I was able to pull out what was most meaningful to me. From there, I started to move my passion out into the world.

I found the through line of my life and it fills my days with intention and joy (most of the time anyhow).

And Finally, Health.

Getting the “pre-cancerous biopsy” call was one of the most sobering moments that I’ve ever had. There were a lot of options given, but none of them addressed the root of the issue.

So, as far as medical intervention was concerned, I chose to do nothing. I instead researched holistic ways to heal and crafted a 6 month regimen on top of all of the internal work that I was doing.

I had a follow up appointment with my doctor after that 6 month period and got the all clear!

Doing the Work

Living your life out of alignment will not immediately cause harm, but doing it day in and day out for years certainly can. Doing the inner work is one of the most important journeys that you will ever go on. When you live with intentionality, you are no longer a victim to circumstance.

You are a co-creator with life.

Look at your life right now.

Are you agreeable?

Do you shove down your true wants and desires so that you don’t cause conflict?

Are you living a life dictated by everyone around you?

Are you caught up in the roles that you play?

If so, it might be time to dig into your past and find your path forward.