How to Handle Angry People, Including Yourself

It's About Learning to Tame the Angry Dragon Within Us

We’ve all been there—those moments where anger surges like a wild dragon, ready to unleash its fury. It’s overwhelming and consuming, and sometimes it feels impossible to control.

But what if we could learn to tame this inner dragon instead of fearing it? What if anger wasn’t our enemy but an ally waiting to show us something deeper?

Imagine this scenario: More of us learn to curb our judgments, strong opinions, fear, anger, and rage, especially during an election year, by learning to tame toxic emotions.

We would be closer to world peace.

Meet the Dragon: Anger as a Messenger

Anger, at its core, is energy. It’s not inherently good or bad—it’s just fuel waiting to be directed.

What if we learned to harness that fire instead of letting it burn us or those around us? Perhaps we would know not to react. We'd stay calm in the eye of any storm.

We would know inner peace.

In many ways, anger isn’t the villain of the story. It’s a flashing signal telling us something’s out of balance—within ourselves or the world around us. Think of it as the universe whispering (or, at times, yelling) that something needs attention.

As Buddha so wisely said, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

When anger lingers, it festers, eating away at our peace. But if we can listen to it—hear what it’s trying to tell us—it can become one of our greatest teachers.

Anger, like pain, is just another form of wisdom in disguise.

The Ego and the Illusion of Control

Dig beneath anger, and often, you’ll find the ego at its core. The ego thrives on control. When we feel disrespected or powerless, our ego lashes out, trying to reassert its dominance.

Spiritual teachings often remind us that this sense of separation—this feeling of “me versus the world”—is an illusion. In reality, we’re all connected, all part of the same flow of life.

Byron Katie nails it: “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.”

Anger is often a battle against reality—a refusal to accept what is. Left untamed, the mind (and, by extension, our anger) becomes our greatest foe. But when understood and directed, it becomes a powerful ally.

At the heart of anger lies fear—the fear of losing control, being vulnerable, and not being enough.

But here’s the secret: When we understand the root of that fear, we can transform our anger into something constructive.

Turning Impatience, Anger, and Rage into Compassion

Let's face it. If we don't catch impatience and anger early enough, it can turn into rage. These emotions show a cascading effect unless we have a toolkit of the mind to retrain our thinking.

To truly tame the dragon, we must first recognize that anger often arises from pain and fear. When we see our pain and the pain of others, it opens the door to compassion.

Anger, like a storm, is temporary. The faster we master the mind, the sooner the storms move on.

Lao Tzu reminds us: “A violent wind does not last for a whole morning; a sudden rain does not last for the whole day.”

The storm passes, but how we ride it is up to us.

Practicing Detachment: Letting Go of Control

One of the main reasons we get angry? Expectations. We expect life to go a certain way, people to behave how we want, and situations to unfold on our terms. And when they don’t?

Enter the dragon. It hijacks your mind and body before you know it. You feel the heat of the dragon's breath.

But what if we let go of those expectations? What if we practiced radical acceptance—learning to stop trying to control the uncontrollable?

One of my go-to resolves with myself is the silent reminder, "If they knew better, they'd do better. I hope it works out well for them."

We can train our minds to rise above the seeming insanity and to find peace within ourselves, even when the world around us feels chaotic. Practicing detachment doesn’t mean becoming passive.

Detachment is about releasing the need to control outcomes. Another word for it is acceptance. We learn to accept what is instead of arguing with reality.

When we let go of delusion to control, anger loses its fuel. Suddenly, the dragon is no longer a threat but a guide.

The dragon becomes our friend, an ally, and it will take us where we need to go without scorching everything in its path.

Steps to Tame the Angry Dragon

Taming an inner anger can take time—and a lot of trial and error. But if you’re committed to the process, trust me, you’ll get there.

Here are a few steps to practice daily:

1. Pause and breathe: Before reacting in anger, take a deep breath. This pause can be the difference between reacting destructively and responding thoughtfully.
2. Acknowledge the anger: Don’t deny it or judge it. It’s just energy in motion. Own it, but don’t let it own you.
3. Look deeper: Ask yourself what’s really behind the anger. Is it fear? Pain? Frustration? Understanding the root allows you to address the real issue.
4. Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness is essential, whether toward someone else or yourself. Holding onto resentment is like carrying around a heavy weight—it only hurts you.
5. Channel the energy: Anger is powerful. But instead of letting it control you, find ways to redirect that energy—into creativity, problem-solving, or acts of kindness.

The Power of Forgiveness and Love

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools we have for taming anger. When we forgive, we let go of the chains that keep us bound to the past.

Rumi captures this beautifully: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

When we release the need to be right, we find peace.

Embrace the Dragon

Your anger—your inner dragon—doesn’t have to be an enemy. It’s a part of you, a force that can destroy or propel you forward.

You can make the dragon your ally by understanding, accepting, and transforming it.

As you practice shifting your awareness and applying these steps, you’ll find that anger, like all emotions, has its place. It can become a tool for growth, leading you toward more profound peace and wisdom.

And in the end, the dragon you once feared will become your most trusted companion.

Clifford Jones is the founder and managing partner of Clarity Strategic Coaching, LLC. Cliff serves company founders and leaders as an executive coach, strategic advisor, and communications consultant. He is a family man, five-time author, visual artist, and mental health advocate. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com.