How Internet Dating Has Become Sales

Little about myself for reference. 

I'm 35, divorced, coach and play beach volleyball. I'd love to have kids. Looking for a family down the road. Would love to meet someone, have a spark and see where it goes.

That might be my internet dating headline.  Is that me? Is that all I am? I sure hope not!  That stupid headline is similar to a product pitch that we all see over and over in emails.  Looking to save money on car insurance? Here's why you should switch to GEICO! Looking for the RIGHT guy? Here's why you should pick me!

In sales we are facing a technology/information revolution.  It's shown over and over again how the internet allows companies to become informed.  Allows you to read reviews on the best products. Allows you to shop for the best prices. At the end of the day when you finally talk to a salesperson... if you ever do... you're 80% of the way through you decision making process.  That's if you ever meet them in the first place.  Isn't that exactly what we are doing with internet dating?

Now the issues.  First... when you are searching for a product you need it for a specific use.  You hopefully know what you want that use to be.  Relationships are far from a one use thing.  That is specifically known as a fling.  Second... you can write anything you want in a profile. Truth, not truth... just like a product.  Next people are not a profile/resume.  A product is static.  The use it was designed for continues to be all it will do... forever.  People are far from static.  They are dynamic. They react. They change. What you are today is not what you are going to be 10 years from now and definitely not what you were 10 years ago.

Now lets just say you buy the perfect blender.  The perfect set of knives. The perfect TV.  When you go back on Amazon, Target, Walmart... don't you still look at the other blenders, knives and TVs?  Are you really happy or are you still looking for something that maybe could be better? Has more options. Fits a new need you've discovered. Is a better value.  People do the same with online dating.  They go on a great date but get home, go online... and voila.  Is the date so great anymore or has a bit of the wonder and lust worn off because of "buyers remorse"?

The other issue the internet is creating in sales today is paralysis by analysis. When you have so many options in front of you and so much information to analyze you end up making NO DECISION.  You revert to the "status quo".  The prospect never buys but is in a perpetual state of analyzing.  In a dating sense does that ring a bell? You are analyzing his/her profile. How did their profile match the conversation? Do they like a sports team? Well my mom is a Red Sox fan and he's a Yankees fan so how is that going to work? Should I even go out again? We end up stuck in a perpetual state of analysis and never move forward with the actual relationship!

In sales we learn techniques to deal/work with these issues.  In dating that may work short term but if it's a technique or game you are playing it will eventually back fire long term.  Even in the best sales environment clients may last 3-5 years.  Is that what we are getting out of our best relationships? 3-5 years?

In recent sales trainings I've been through I met a trainer that changed some of these tactics and it resonated with me.  First off... be genuine. If you don't have a genuine love for what you are doing and a genuine curiosity in the client you are trying to help... then you are a shady sales person and you give the rest of us a bad name. You need to invest yourself in your client so they can trust you. Admit you don't know everything but you're willing to learn with them. The client is the expert on themselves so it takes time to really learn them. People want the quick way to close the deal. The truth is... close quick... lose it quick. Is that what we want from a relationship?

We've turned dating into a retail store. An Amazon for people.  However people are not products. You don't want to buy a person you want to grow and change with them. Stop approaching dating like you are buying a product.  Get out there!!! Meet people.  Do activities and events you like. The "right person" isn't a profile or a product on a site that SELLS love. 

Give PEOPLE a chance to be more than a product.  They will probably surprise you. ;-)