How to Ninja Changes in Life

You have built great skills at work. You’ve been on courses. You’ve read books. Listened to TED talks and more. And when it comes to the dreaded ’change’ you really have to up your game. Change can leave you paralysed; make you lose your confidence in yourself. Make it impossible to communicate with other people and much worse. And that could even be ‘good’ change that will benefit you at work!

So how do the people who tech the courses and write the books deal with change? How do they deal with it not only in their work but more importantly, how do they deal with it in their wider more nuanced and family complicated lives. 

It seemed to me that there was only one way to find out. Ask! So I did. I began by asking our resident Change Ninja, Dr Tammy Watchorn how she dealt with non work change.

I cheat she replied. Grinning at my shocked expression. “I simply apply what I teach and write about to myself.” What a fascinating idea I thought. I Asked. Do all change practitioners and gurus do the same? She smiled silently. But the smile said everything. It said ‘No. Practically none of them practise what they preach’. Then she said “I always apply what I teach to my own life away from the lab, the workplace if you wish to test it is universal.”

“Let me tell you a tale. Well more of a disaster movie story. Last year, my old life got mangled  in a big way. I was stretched at work whilst my family life took an abrupt left turn that meant I had to sell my home and start on a new path alone. I lived in the middle of a Scottish city that was increasingly suffocating and because I no longer had no ties it made no sense to stay.

I nod enthusiastically.

‘So I knew I had to decamp to the countryside but would it suit me? I’d never lived outside a big town. And where? If you’re not in the city the weather matters more. It was, she said, completely nerve wracking and anxiety inducing and not in the least bit exciting. But I knew it was something I had to do.

Living in Scotland houses are easily sold and if a buyer comes along there is no backing out. So the house was sold, a move in date agreed and then I had to find a place to live and fast. So I started looking and that wracked my nerves with extra vigour.  I just couldn’t find anywhere to buy in the area I’d picked out for the money I had. I began to panic. I was scared of being homeless. What would I do? Where would I go? What about all the furniture?’

I smile grimly as the picture of the furniture all huddled up under a blanket in a railway arch flits through my mind. As she continues.

‘Where and how will I work? I have huge commitments to deliver. So I asked around for advice. Friends told me to rent first and see if I actually liked country living. My parents told me to stop being fussy and just buy a house anywhere. My ex encouraged me to not sell the house just yet and stay put for a while.’

Decisions decisions.

So, I asked, curiously (as these ideas all seemed to be reasonable suggestions) what did you do?

‘Oh that bit was easy’ she said. ‘I used what I teach. There’s always a tool to help you work through change logically and keep the emotion at bay. The last thing I wanted to do was make a choice that would ease the current panic but be the wrong long term decision. I knew it shouldn’t be based on looking at longer term risk/benefit as you might with a regular options appraisal, because, let’s face it, they are always geared towards the answer you think is the right answer. What I needed in this scenario is to know what would actually happen next as a result of the decision made. So I used the ISWON #PET.’

What was the real issue?

Having nowhere to sleep of an evening or work during the day that would also include the dog.

Who were the stakeholders?

Tam, The Dog, Tam’s clients, Tam’s bank manager, The QUBE team

What was the outcome Tam wanted?

Something that could quickly become a Paint by Numbers type of change (to reduce the anxiety of uncertainty about having somewhere to stay) and would feel like the start of a new, as yet, undefined life.

What were the options and what would happen next?

Option 1: Stay in the city house and remove it from the market

Next: Harder to start a new life, harder to cut ties with the recent ex

Option 2: Rent a property in the country to test it out

Next: Harder to make an effort to settle into a new community if it feels temporary, feels isolating and feel like wasting money on rent, limited to somewhere that accepts dogs.

Option 3: Look in different areas and be more flexible about the type of property

Next: Open up unthought of possibilities and make it feel more like an adventure and a new start.

Option 4: Get a camper van and head to Europe for the summer with the dog and work from the van

Next: Lots of things to arrange (storage of furniture, finding a van, sort out mobile Wifi, get a dog passport), might be hard to deliver work promised from a van and loose customers, feel a bit isolated.

So what did she choose?

Well Tam’s quite optimistic in life and this was a chance for adventure.

Option 1 looks the easiest and lowest risk but was definitely the worst in the long term.  

Option 2: seemed logical and sensible, ’try before you buy’, but it was temporary and might put the new life on hold might because I might not be fully committed to it and feel like it was a waste of money.

Option 4 was a GREAT BIG I’m running away adventure. It left the future even less certain.

And so, Option 3 was the decision I went with. I cast a wide net and my search filters were reduced. Within a few days a mystery house in a mystery location presented itself. I’d never have considered it or come across it with my previous mindset. I visited. I fell in love on the driveway in and once the internet was tested and I knew I had access to QUBE there was no stopping me. I easily persuaded the bank manager just on energy and once I saw how much the dog enjoyed running in the glorious countryside I knew I was never going back.

Almost a year later and I’m part of the community including  a new hobby of jumping in ice cold lochs at the weekend. ISWON delivered for me.

I asked her why ISWON worked so well and she said that without the discipline of working through ISWON properly she’d have chosen the less risky options of staying put in the old house or possibly renting somewhere.  Most people in change situations decide on the basis of now. How things are now how they feel now, what other people think now. That is not what a Change Ninja does. A change ninja decides based on the future.  But using ISWON to imagine what would happen next after each decision allowed her to make a decision like a real Change Ninja. A decision based on the future after change.

So the question I have for you this week is how often do YOU apply your work learning, knowledge and skills to managing the changes in your personal life? And how often do you make decisions based on the future rather than now? I would love to hear your stories.