How Parents Can Truly Support Teens Through the College Admissions Process

Hi everyone! I’m Dr. Aviva Legatt, a college admissions expert who’s spent more than a decade helping families navigate the high-stakes world of college admissions. Over the years, I’ve had countless conversations with parents who want to support their teens but feel challenged by the growing distance as their children grapple with independence and pressure.

In these conversations, I hear parents ask similar questions: “How can I connect with my teen when they seem to shut me out?” or “How do I guide them without adding to their stress?” It’s clear that the admissions journey isn’t just about applications and acceptance letters—it’s about maintaining strong family relationships through one of life’s most defining transitions.

The Challenge of the “Branding” Culture

One thing I often discuss with parents is the impact of today’s competitive admissions landscape, which pressures teens to “brand” themselves. They feel they must fit into tidy labels like “STEM Scholar” or “Social Activist,” often at the expense of exploring their real interests. I’ve seen that this can create friction within families, as parents, who only want the best for their children, feel torn between offering advice and giving them the freedom to explore.

Finding Connection in Everyday Moments

One of the most effective strategies I’ve suggested over the years is for parents to engage in low-pressure interactions with their teens. I always emphasize the power of casual moments—car rides, cooking together, or evening walks—as opportunities for real conversations. Parents often tell me how a simple question like, “What’s been on your mind lately?” rather than, “How’s the college prep going?” opens the door to meaningful discussions. Teens appreciate these low-key chats because they don’t feel like they’re on the spot, and parents get a glimpse into their children’s true thoughts and feelings.

Embracing True Interests Over “Résumé-Builders”

When discussing college applications, I frequently advise parents to encourage their teens to pursue genuine interests rather than filling their schedules with résumé-padding activities. One parent recently shared how their daughter, who loved volunteering at an animal shelter, felt so much more fulfilled there than in the traditional leadership program she’d initially joined to “stand out.” Authentic interests shine through in applications and, more importantly, allow teens to enjoy and learn from their experiences. College admissions officers are always looking for this authenticity.

Finding the Balance Between Guidance and Space

I often hear from parents about the delicate balance between offering guidance and letting teens take the reins. From my experience, the best results come when parents provide the tools and support but allow teens to take ownership of their journey. This might mean letting your child write their own drafts, make their own calls, or conduct research while you remain nearby for support. Over time, this hands-off approach fosters independence and confidence—qualities that colleges, and more importantly, life, reward.

Connecting with a Community of Fellow Parents

Many parents I’ve worked with have found great comfort in connecting with others facing similar challenges. Whether through parent groups, online forums, or school communities, I always recommend leaning on these networks for both emotional support and practical advice. Some of the best insights—on everything from finding scholarships to managing stress—come from shared experiences.

Through my work, I’ve seen time and again that while the college admissions journey may seem overwhelming, it’s also an opportunity for growth—for parents and teens alike. By approaching this process as a shared experience rather than a solo journey, parents can help make this stage of life a time of connection, discovery, and genuine support.

If you’re currently supporting a teen through the admissions process, I’d love to hear your experiences. Send me a DM (confidential, of course).

This article is based on my Forbes piece, "How Parents Can Support Teens Through The College Admissions Process."