HOW TO: ride a motorcycle and *not die*

Note: I originally shared this on Facebook because a bunch of my friends are buying motorbikes, and I figure if posting it on LinkedIn saves a single person, that'd be well worth it.

PSA: for all my friends who seem to be getting into riding motorcycles on the road. Having an acquaintance who is in danger of losing a foot due to an accident (and he got off LIGHT, given that he was in a collision with a semi-trailer), I feel compelled to offer a brief-but-entirely-serious lecture about how to use motorbikes on the road and not die.

I love bikes. I got my first bike, a PW80, when I was nine. Dad picked me up from footy training with it in the back of the Jackeroo. "Whose bike?" I asked. "Yours!". It was one of the most exciting moments of my life.

I have had a motorbike licence since I was 17 years and 9 months old. (IE, from the moment it was possible to get one). There are six motorbikes in my shed at the moment. No, seven, I forgot that one. (Sorry Mish! I promise I will sell at least 4 of them soon).

I still love riding, and as a middle-aged man I'm still alive and completely Col-shaped, which I reckon is a win.

RULE ONE:

Do not ride on public roads until you can use every control on the bike completely subconsciously. If you still have to think about pulling in the clutch while slowing to stop or something like that, seriously, get the hell off the road. Go and ride—for hours and hours and hours—in a carpark or something, until the bike seems to ride itself.

RULE TWO:

Ride only when you want to, never because you have to. The corollary to this rule is "never plan a trip that will force you to ride when you may not want to". IE: Don't ride if you'll have to come back in the dark, and you might not want to. Don't ride if you'll have to come back tired. Don't ride if it might rain. Don't ride if anything might occur which would mean that, given the choice, you'd prefer not to ride. You only ride when you want to ride and never at any other time.

RULE THREE:

Ride as though you are both silent and invisible. This is the rule that (helps to) prevent you from being killed by someone else's fuckup. Ride as though no-one else on the road realises you even exist. If you are driving along a straight road and there's a vehicle waiting to turn out of a side-street, for example, you have to ride past them in a way that means that NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID, you can avoid them. (In that specific scenario, it usually means slowing to 40km/h as you approach them, even if it means the person behind you gets annoyed).

The only time I relax this rule is if I can specifically see the other driver making direct eye contact with me. Until then, I ride as though they are totally unaware of my presence. (This rule also encourages riding in a way that maximises your visibility, by the way... so in the above scenario you would move to the right-edge of your lane to get further into their field of view. However, the rule also means that you assume strategies like that haven't worked).

RULE FOUR:

No riding while tired, or under the tiniest amount of influence of any mind-altering substances whatsoever. Not even one beer.

RULE FIVE:

Personally, I try to minimise the amount of night-time riding I'll do (I don't have a blanket rule against it, but I do think it raises the risk-factor a little), and I try very hard to avoid riding in the rain at all. The total lack of windscreen wipers, combined with the drastic reduction in grip and gigantic increase in the chance of unexpectedly low-siding the bike and greeting oncoming traffic from the underside means I really don't think it's worth it. I've probably ridden less than 500km at night, and 100km in the rain, in 25 years.

RULE SIX:

It should be self evident, but honestly: ATGATT. All the gear, all the time. "Dress for the slide, not the ride". I once heard a bloke describe his friend who failed to heed that advice as ending up "looking like a six-foot slice of margherita pizza". 🤮 Don't be an idiot. Wear the gear.

_____

If you're going to ride on the road, you have to take RADICAL, TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY for your own safety. There's no safety in "being in the right". When someone fucks up, you die. Their culpability doesn't change how dead you are.

Whilst I've shared this article about motorbikes on LinkedIn, it has nothing to do with my job. I help professionals be profitable. (You know, lawyers, consultants, accountants, etc). I teach public speaking as a business development tool. I coach executives and business owners how to be awesome, authentically.

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