How to turn negative people into positive drivers

I’d say I’m a pretty motivated guy by nature, but do you want to know what’s really driven me over my nearly 33-year career? It’s all the people who have told me “no.”

I've had plenty of co-workers who have said out loud, for all to hear, that an idea of mine would never fly. More than one boss has torn up a plan I spent hours working on. And yes, even clients have given me the side-eye after meetings. These “nos” weren’t always because the ideas were bad or even because they were the wrong approach. Often, the negative reactions come from people who seem to be natural-born naysayers, or who are stuck with their own ideas and approach, or who--gasp--have always done things some other way.

It would be easy to get mad about it. But, it’s because of these situations I work as hard as I do. You’re going to encounter many people who say “no” during your career. Don’t let them drag you down.

Embrace the naysayers--but not their cynicism

I’ve found there are two types of people in business: Those who get behind you, challenge you to refine your ideas, but validate what you do; and those who are negative and challenge you no matter what, and not in a good way. Most people try to avoid interacting with the negative Nellies – it never feels good to get shot down – but I say you should stand tall and use the naysaying to fuel your desire to improve.

If everyone took cynics seriously, some of the world’s best entrepreneurs would have packed it in before their ideas amounted to anything. In 1919, Walt Disney was fired from one of his first animation jobs and was told he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Steve Jobs, maybe the world’s greatest entrepreneur, was fired from Apple in 1985. Famous chef Julia Childs was booted from the advertising agency she worked at for “gross insubordination.”

All three entrepreneurs – and the many more who have been told that they lacked talent, or that their idea was a bad one – used those negative experiences to push themselves harder. They became even more committed to their convictions. As Jobs put it in a 2005 university commencement speech: "I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.”

The powerful necessity of “no”

Having people who support you, and can gently steer you in the right direction, is important. But if everyone said yes, you’d get a little full of yourself. You wouldn’t know what failure felt like – or experience the true elation of proving someone wrong. When you were a kid and your parents would say, “Great job, that’s fantastic,” would that get you excited? Probably not. But when your teacher said, “This project wasn’t great,” you probably worked a little harder next time. It’s the same in business.

You don’t need to shout back or sulk away. For starters, don’t respond emotionally. A simple response like, “Thanks for your insight, I’m on it,” will do. It projects confidence and resolve, as well as a spirit of perseverance. After all you know you’re going to deliver and please a customer, crush a business goal, or show a client a better way.

Next, take what the naysayer said and push yourself a little more. To get there, you first need to set aside what was said that you know isn’t about you or your work and focus in on the elements that will drive you. What can you dig deeper on and push to make the next iteration of your idea even better? And--importantly--don’t sit in your own bubble. Invite different perspectives, use the negativity to ask more questions--if not of the naysayer, of others in areas of the company that are different than your own. This collaborative aspect, bringing together business experts, technology gurus and creative types will always lead to a better end result.

Think of even better ideas and make it impossible for the negative Nellies to say no next time (or at least get the side-eye themselves if they do). And when someone wants to put you in a box and snuff out the differences that fuel your ideas, fight your way out with even more creative and innovative ideas. Done well, you’ll actually empower your naysayers to say yes--and that’s a victory with results.

It’s like Rocky Balboa said: “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward...That’s how winning is done.”

Follow me: @dlclarke