How & Why Ally?

Hi Everyone,

It is certainly exciting to see all of the open air -so to speak- regarding the recent and not-so-recent events allowing everyone to "pause" and THINK about what is going on in OUR world(s).

As LinkedIn is full of business-minded folk, one can elicit more than the usual knee-jerk responses when these happenings are written about and discussed. And, I very much appreciate that. I'm not just looking for any ole reflex.

Without sounding like "Some of my best friends..." Yesssssss. I have friends of all whateverrrrrs!

So, I am writing the following with serious sincerity.

To White people I don't know who seem to be well-meaning and want to immediately do something to help Black people:

Please DO NOT allow yourself to override your good common sense.

And, please don't see us as "in-able" to make it through life. Unable is usually caused by some external block. And we are not an assigned project to be taken on.

Yesterday, I was waiting for a ride home from a "toney" grocery store. I was having fun meeting the eyes of any person I perceived as Black (I have to add that because Black skin comes in all colors. Thinking "SLA-very." in my best dismissive Dave Chappelle voice.) and giving my people a thumbs-up as a bit of encouragement to continue on. Some gave it back or smiled or did the head nod or both. I think I'll do the victory/peace sign from now on. Don't want to be accused of giving a terrorist signal. Also, the thumbs-up sign has been very uncool for a while now.

Anyway, a young White woman leaving the store passed by me, then stopped to ask me if I needed a ride. I smiled, said No and Thanks. She asked was I sure. I responded Yes, but No. She seemed let down.

I watched her walk briskly into the parking lot carrying a round seedless watermelon in one arm and her bags in the other. She seemed proud of her strength.

Suddenly, it hit me and I laughed aloud! Still laughing, I called out to her and said I wasn't a hitchhiker. A few people were looking at us. I guess I made a scene.

My would-be driver apologetically answered she didn't think I was. She again asked if I were "good". I smilingly assured her I was.

Now, this IS NOT the first time this has happened to me or when I have witnessed similar behavior. I, myself have done such on occasion. But letting a stranger in my car or home is not one of them. I am a very open person and usually not fearful. So, I can relate to her desire to reach out. And, I didn't take offense. Especially since I'd already hidden my begging bowl and wasn't snarling. [That's a joke, son]

But seriously, her offer and my acceptance could have ended as happily as an Afterschool Special or on the "If it bleeds, it leads." evening news. In essence, we WERE strangers.

Now, exercising my writer's privilege, I will explore my would-be ally's brain.

"Hmmmm. I didn't do my daily help-a-Black-person-good-deed-today. I've been so wrapped up in my own silly needs.

Oh! I can help that older lady standing at the entrance if she's still there when I'm done.

She's been gesturing at other people and they keep passing her by.

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Oh, good! There she is!

Of course, she needs a ride! She's just feeling undeserving. Who could blame her?

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Wow! She's calling out to me! Maybe she's decided to accept my offer.

I didn't think she was hitchhiking! Why would she think that? All I see is another human being whose day I can brighten. I'll ask her again.

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What is up with this woman! It's not like I'm going to do her any harm!

I give up. At least I tried. I saw her. Tameka will take the chicken home. She says it's J.J.'s fave. I don't do fried food."

There are so many articles, books, videos, movies, etc. that make good teaching tools.

Just as we had to learn you, you must want to learn us.

True tales have never been taught much in most schools, if at all.

Thank you for your interest.

copyright Karen E. Dabney 2020