How to write a shitty document — in 7 steps
Miraka Davies
te reo Māori advocate | toitū te Tiriti | speaker & mc | once was Shelly Davies
Forget all the advice about how to write GOOD!
Let’s write a shitty document!
(in 7 easy steps…)
Step 1: Remember, this is ALL ABOUT YOU!
You’re the writer. You get to decide what they need to hear. Too bad if it’s long, they’ll just have to read it. That’s their job. Too long sounds like a them problem, not a you problem, amiright??
Step 2: If people are using it, so should you.
I mean, if they’re going forward with their plans to implement facilitating reciprocal contingencies and authoritatively architect cross-platform methodologies, so can you, dammit!
And while you’re at it, you should probably professionally monetize economically-sound catalysts for change.
Step 3: Pull. Out. That. Thesaurus, baby!!
Thaaaat’s right! If you want them to take you seriously you have to sound like you know all the things! Big words tell them you know all the things. Big words make you sound S.M.A.T. SMART. So go on. Find. Bigger. Words!
I mean, you don’t want to sound like YOU, right? Be better!
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Step 4: Copy and paste, baby!
I mean come on. Let’s not re-invent the wheel. There are THOUSANDS of documents that have been written before. Pick an impressive-looking one and just change the title and the names. I mean, no one’s gonna read it anyway, right? So you might as well put your name on something flash-looking. If it got used before, it might be right. Right?
Step 5: Formal gets taken more seriously.
Lots of words makes the document look serious. Show them you’ve done enough work by wowing them with page after page of text. Doesn’t that feel good?
Step 6: Make. Them. Work. For. It!
You should DEFINITELY not make it easy for them to find answers to their questions. You should most definitely expect them to read. Every. Word. THEN and only then do they get the reward of the information you’ve so skillfully hidden amongst your self-aggrandising monologue.
Step 7: If you give it away, they won’t read it.
So make sure you keep the best stuff to last. You wouldn’t want to lose them by giving it all away up front!
But don’t bold those important points like I have in my example. Make those suckers earn their big bucks. No spoon-feeding here!
Follow me for more #lifehacks and #shittyadvice.
You’re welcome!
Everything from technical writing to strategic direction. Life experience has its benefits!
2yMost people: I don't really care about how I write things or where I store them. Also Most people: Damn this is boring and where the heck is all the information I need to do my job???
Good design = inclusive design
2ySeven more steps.
Lawyer | Consultant | Facilitator | Organizer rooting out exploitation & oppression from our business practices, our contracts, & ourselves -I make 📑 into 🖼 with plain language & visual design for #CollectiveLiberation
2yOh HELL YES! 🙌 🙌 Shelly Davies , I’m your newest fan, I see Verity White’s on here too, we should definitely collaborate on something because this energy is 🔥🔥🔥
Contract design expert | CEO of Passera Design | Clear and visual contracts that save money and counterparties love | Legal design pioneer | European Woman of Legal Tech 2020
2yAbsolutely brilliant, Shelley, and sadly so true! May I submit: - don't give a damn about information architecture. Put topics in an haphazard order. Bonus: put thematically-unrelated stuff under the wrong heading. - ALL CAPS! BECAUSE THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO MAKE A TEXT CONSPICUOUS!
Passionate about supporting people 🙌🏻 Accountant, Business Advisor, Coach
2yLove it Shelly Davies! Just bold and gold!