How You Gain & Lose Power in Conversations

Are you losing your power in your conversations?

I was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix the other day and there is this one scene that shows a power struggle and how one character exerts dominance over the other.

It's an excellent example of how you lose and gain power in your conversations. In this video, watch my step by step body language analysis of the scene:

Top 3 ways you lose power:

1. Step down or step back back
2. Shoulders cave forward
3. Voice gets quieter

Top 3 ways bullies assert their power:

1. Take a step up or stick out their chest
2. Stare intently while speaking loudly
3. Stand with a wider stance (feet shoulder width or more apart)

Top 3 ways emotionally healthy, authentic people show power:

1. Lose the fidget and get grounded:

The majority of people are carrying stress which causes their body to be unstable. It shows up as shuffling feet, swaying and fidgeting. That body language comes across as unsure of yourself and insecure. It also makes you an instant target for bullies.

If you TRY to stand or sit still, you will most likely take in more tension and that tension reads as "I'm ready to fight" which only causes more of a power struggle.

To get stable in the body, stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Roll your shoulders a few times and shake out the tension in your body. Then imagine breathing in through the pelvic floor and your belly growing bigger on the inhale. On the exhale, imagine exhaling down into the ground. Repeat for a couple of minutes.

When you stabilize your pelvis, it releases the tension, creates stillness and your body language looks confident and powerful without needing to 'force' it.

2. Maintain soft eye focus:

A huge problem I see with most people is that they have shifty or wandering eyes. Shifty eyes makes you look like a serial killer. Just sayin'. Wandering eyes reads as if you are disengaged or unsure of yourself.

Being able to look at someone, whether in person or virtually, often makes us subconsciously feel exposed. However, when you are able to maintain a soft eye focus, it reads as assured, engaged and powerful.

3. Speak with a resonant voice (not a forced one):

I need to call this out - a lot of speaking training is about doing speech effects and over articulating. STOP. The problem with this method is that it pushes your voice out and then you sound overly loud. By forcing the voice you often come across as aggressive or like you are trying too hard (which takes your power away). You could also be damaging your vocal cords.

Instead, you want your NATURAL, healthy, resonant voice to emerge. Vocal resonance is defined as "the process by which the basic product of phonation is enhanced in timbre and/or intensity by the air-filled cavities through which it passes on its way to the outside air." (Wikipedia)

First, release tension in your jaw and face by opening your mouth as big as you can and then squeezing it tight. Repeat 5x. Your voice will automatically be more resonant as you don't have tension constricting it's flow. Second, lightly hum on an mmm, vvv and/or zzz sound. And lastly, slide up and down in pitch (high and low) on the mmm,vvv and.or zzz sound.

When your voice is relaxed and resonant, it automatically sounds vibrant. And a vibrant voice is far more engaging and powerful sounding.

Invitation:

As you are interacting this week:

1. Slow down and observe other people - how their body language, speaking voice, energy and presence is coming across. Take note where you see the power dynamics show up.
2. Work on the 3 healthy ways to exert power and notice what shifts for you and how people respond to you.

And, if you have...

😥 Ever feel like someone is being dominant over you

😟 Or you feel like you losing control of your conversations - compromising too much, not charging enough, losing sales, etc.

⭐Or you are curious to know how to use your body language to be powerful so you can close more sales and gain influence...

Then it is time to GET YOUR VOICE HEARD on a far greater level.

➡️Schedule a complimentary 15 minute call with me >> HERE

➡️ Learn the 8 aspects to speak from your power and grow your impact >> HERE

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Cindy Ashton is an Award-Winning TV host, Singer/Actor, Keynote Performer & Speak From Your Power Trainer and Author of Liberate Your Voice: How to Trust Your Power In A World That Shuts You Down. Drawing from her extensive background working with Broadway Professionals, Emmy Winners, and Hollywood Celebrities, she is a master at showing her clients how to dramatically increase their sales, connection, and influence by learning how to get their voice heard in all parts of their business. She been featured in multiple media, including ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Inc. Magazine and Forbes.

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