How to attract and sustain good ‘humane’ manager/ leaders?

Most of us are good people. With a lot of good energy. Why are we not attracting the right managers ?

Perhaps because we all have some blindspots that fizzle out the energy created - channeling them in directions that sabotage you.

How do YOU need to be or not need to be, in order to attract the right manager ?Maybe you even have one but your nuances are pushing him/her away or forcing them to revert back to a worser style?

Here’s an exhaustive checklist of tough questions then for you to check. Not all may apply to you and many are extreme questions designed to make you uncomfortable enough to retrospect.

If none of this applies to you or you got most right, go ahead and change your manager :). You do deserve better.

Fear Management vs Love Management

Research says a mind is more likely to move faster with a gun than with a hug. Unless the manager/leader does not ‘show’ his muscle occasionally, you forget he/she is till your manager who deserves your respect.

1. You respond well to fear based management. Management by love, makes you complacent and take things for-granted.

2. You think the manager is not worth your time if he is too nice with you and the team, changing managers to someone more ‘dynamic’.

3. You 'feel' like you should be treated with love but you are tuned to respond to fear based tactics only.

4. You don’t understand a flat hierarchy concept.You want to be treated like a peer with your boss but you want hierarchical respect from your own subordinates.

Attracted towards Authority

Authority draws out the best in you. You feel associating them with makes you powerful - associating with them on social media, selfies, being in their presence. You also have this hidden fear that may be offended by your lack of 'respect' and be penalized for it somehow.

5. You easily fall in love or fan follow people who are in a position of power, without understanding them and their work. You are willing to let go of your self respect only to be seen as in agreement with them. Even a little bit from them is enough to make you fall for them, brooding over the crumbs.

6. You feel the ‘love’ for the manager as long as he/she is in ‘perceived’ power over your career.

7. You could also do reverse - double ride competing managers/ peers to be in ‘subtle’ authoritative power yourself.

Taker and not a Giver

You like it when you are at the receiving end of things - even encouraging that behavior - so you can get more of it. You don't have patterns for giving back. Or even if you do - it is limited to words, very little trickles down to meaningful thought through sustained action.

8. You scout for what you can take, first and then see what you can give. You do that with projects, people and life in the same manner.

9. You are not happy promoting your leader. Somewhere making them look good, makes you feel smaller.

10. You do not actively follow your leader/manager on LinkedIn, intranet websites, or share/comment (not just like) their articles. Supporting their initiatives and promoting them.

11.You are not engaged with your organisation and the good work they are doing. You give work they give money. Rest, they are expected to do anyways. In fact, it is about time.

12. Everything is mostly transactional with your style of followership. Doing bare minimum or none at all, depending on what is at stake at that point.

Slightly Manipulative

You have good energy and yet it sometimes flows in directions that are not conducive to your 'real' growth.

13. You don’t mean it but you end up manipulating the manager to do things for you, outside of what is correctly yours – extra holidays without putting in the system, negotiating for that extra hour of work (not mentioning the times you didn’t work)

14. You play bad politics within the team because that is how the system is and your last manager was (even though you despised him)

15. You use your ‘goodness’ as a shield to cover up for bad work or attitude.

16. Sometimes, the leader you haven’t really supported or listened to or followed, becomes your best friend when you need something or you are in trouble. Planning in advance (maybe weeks or months) with requisite behaviour (flattery, extra work, on time), for that which you want later.

Illusions of Grandeur

You think so high of yourself that everyone else falls short, keeping you constantly frustrated. You perform less and less, as you feel you are never adequately compensated. Steady and persistent showcasing of your potential is not your type.

17. You think so highly of yourself (perhaps rightly so) but find it tough to treat your leader with the same respect you have for yourself. You feel you deserve ‘great work' and no one knows what you are capable of yet.

18.You feel you should have been in his position ages back. Maybe even his bosses. You refuse to introspect on the skills he/she brings to the program and why he could have been chosen, and learn from it.

19. You feel all there is to your manager is the ‘frills’- his chair, his/her accent, empowerment etc. Once copied, you feel you are ready for the role and feel frustrated it is not coming yet.

20. You don't like being treated as a ' fresher/junior/ reportee' . Your manager should deserve your respect by showcasing to you first what makes him/her worthy of that position.

21. Something more ‘dhamakedar’ should be happening in your life all the time. (No harm in that only if you hold yourself to give it to you and not others)

Expectations/ Entitlements

You feel you are always entitled to more than what has been provided. You have solid reasons to believe so, in your mind , that have not been checked with your manager.

22. You have a long never ending list in mind. What is provided is never enough or makes it to your ‘grateful for’ list.

23. You expect you to take precedence over work most of the time. you don't account that your manager is still a manager who has to report work. If He/she lives, you live.

24. You always have reasons on why the manager or the system does not deserve your gratitude. “They did what they were supposed to. What’s the big deal. When do I get what I want for the bit that I did though ?”

25. You turn a ‘help in your tough times’ into an entitlement. That option to work from home, come late , hasty work, extra time on personal phone calls etc become the new normal.

26. You find something to complain about, with everything. Nothing is ever good enough for you. Your career is a victim to bad managers, bad peers, bad organisations....a victim mindset. You refuse to listen to other pointing out your flaws or challenging your mindset - taking feedback personally and getting ruffled easily.

Work suffers

You perform , to 'your' best, within the office timings, sometimes even more. You don't understand what you could have done more, while work suffers. Beyond a point, you don't care.

27. You are not aligned with the outcome that the team/ your manager needs to produce, only to your work.

28. You feel it is the manager’s neck on the line at the end of the day. They ‘should’ pick up after you.

29. You need follow up, extended deadlines, multiple meetings to get work done.

30. Excuses for work not done are more than solutions around how they could have been done. There is always some reason.

31. You not growing is the manager’s problem not your inability to showcase consistent good work, influence, negotiate etc. You blame him/her covertly for your current position.

32. You are subtly attracting his/her anger to confirm to yourself what a bad situation you are in. This helps take your focus and pain away from what you know you could do better. Better to blame him/her.

Act like family but not expect like family

You believe things should be better. Less discipline and more care is needed in the system (and you may even be right). However, you do nothing to ensure that those trying to do it, get your best response back.

33. You expect to be loved and cared by your manager/org but don’t love or care back much. Or you love in gestures but not through work.

34. You expect them to account for your ‘concerns’ when giving work. Problems with your peers, problems at home, problems with the kind of work you want to do/don’t want to do. In your home, you are willing to pick the garbage and receive guests.

35. You prefer to spend all your ‘free’ time at home with your ‘real’ family. Manager as ‘superimposed family’ is limited to weekdays only.

36. You talk about your pains and problems with the ‘manager’ the whole week and then take a trip with your ‘friends’ over the weekend, to distress. Then a ‘vacation work mode’ to come after vacation is needed at work.

You have no passion or purpose for work

You love the 'idea' of passion and being in love with your work. But the actual hard work and grind and turmoils associated with making anything work are not for you.Looking for quick escapes, shortcuts, persistent asking, constant comparison to get ahead, as the main formula for success.

37. You are quick to take what you want and not cite the source or credit the manager/ leader/ organisation for the inspiration, in circles that don't know them

38. You have no 'real' passion for your work. You do because it puts bread on the table, the office is close to your home, creche is available etc. Passion that allows for that much is enough.

39. You don't bring 'value' to the table. Your hands are on the desktop but your mind is elsewhere. Your priority is always something else - your spouse, close friend, marriage, child, onsite, promotion, rating - in an unending loop. You do work when nothing else is happening to take your focus away.

40. You don't look out for other initiatives in the organisation to support and have a healthy meaningful relationship with your organisation

Hoping this will help you identify your own blindspots and work on them. If these are not, unabashedly go ahead and change where you are . You WILL attract the right mentor and manager soon !

On how to BE a good humane manager yourself - Here's another article that may help.

All the best,

Love,

Nidhi