Humans of Engineering - Sarah's Story

This article is part of our Humans of Engineering series, a collection of stories shared by our employees to encourage, inspire, and connect with each other as around the world, companies transitioned to work from home. The series was created by our WIT team based on the popular Humans of New York blog.  

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I’ve always been a private person at work. Though I’ve been out of the closet for over 6 years, I never shared the fact that I am a member of the LGBTQ community with my coworkers. In addition to being characteristically shy, I had divided my life so evenly into two realms: the Sarah that existed in the office and the Sarah who was out to her friends and family. 

I’ve had to come out to friends and family countless times over the years. It took me longer to tell some of my extended family members, but I am incredibly fortunate that most people in my life were supportive and happy for me. Even though I’ve had a fairly positive coming out experience, I had never felt empowered to share this side of myself at work. I was scared of being treated negatively and, as a young professional, I didn’t want to jeopardize my career before it really got off the ground. I became adept at dodging questions about my personal life and staying under the radar. When coworkers talked about their significant others, I would stay silent even though I wanted to share stories about my girlfriend. It wasn’t until I actually became friends with my coworkers and hung out with them outside of work that I felt comfortable telling them who my mystery friend was.

I was so committed to this stealth mission that I let it get in the way of my own happiness. A few years ago, I attended the Grace Hopper Women in Computing conference for the first time. I noticed that Lesbians Who Tech had a booth, but I was too afraid to approach it. Even though the conference had over 18,000 attendees, I was afraid that my colleagues would see me there and the façade I had so carefully crafted would crumble. After avoiding the booth for two whole days, I finally went on the last day. I’m so glad that I did. I talked to some amazing team members who instantly became my role models, I picked up a ton of swag, and I participated in a dance party! My only regret at the end of the conference was not walking up to the booth sooner.

On the plane back from the conference, I realized that I was sitting in front of one of the keynote speakers from Lesbians Who Tech. I mustered up enough courage to say “thank you for being an inspiration for queer women in tech,” but I conveniently left the second half of that sentence out when one of my colleagues asked me to recap my conversation. While connecting with the Lesbians Who Tech team was a personal milestone, I still couldn’t completely be myself. 

The last straw was in my last role at a previous company. Not realizing the irony of the situation, I signed up to be a mentor for an organization called Out In Tech. It dawned on me that I was a hypocrite. Who was I to give someone advice on how to be an LGBTQ professional when I didn’t practice what I preached? That was the reality check I needed.

When I accepted my new job at LinkedIn, I made a resolution to myself that I would finally break down my walls and come out at work. LinkedIn made this pretty easy. In fact, one of the first things my manager said to me was that he was part of a ton of employee resource groups, including Out@In and Women In Tech. I could tell that I was in an environment that really fostered individuality and being comfortable in your own skin, so I ran with it before I had a chance to change my mind. In the middle of a project meeting, I caught up with a colleague about my recent move to New York with my girlfriend. It felt really nice to speak freely about my life without having to change the story. 

After almost seven months here, I continue to feel a sense of comfort and belonging. I am attending Out@In events and telling my coworkers, I am wearing my pride shirts, and I am sitting here, writing this very public story. By all means, if you don’t want to come out at work then you don’t have to. For me, I always wanted to but I was afraid. With the right environment, that fear evaporated. I don’t have to hide myself anymore, and I couldn’t be happier.

Want to see more posts like this? Check out past Humans of Engineering stories HERE