Hump Day Newsletter - Ringing the Bell
My book was in the editing phase when my coach asked me, “Have you chosen someone to write the foreword?”
Yes, in fact I had. In my mind there was only one person who could do it. I just hadn’t ASKED them yet.
Jerry’s transplant surgeon.
I hadn’t made the ask yet, because the devil in my mind was very busy racing around with their pitchfork, igniting thoughts like “He won’t even remember who you ARE.” (Though Jerry is QUITE memorable on his own and his particular case is quite remarkable). “He doesn’t have TIME,” (he’s a TRANSPLANT surgeon for God’s sake!), and my favorite, “He just won’t WANT to.”
But my heart said he was the ONLY one.
And so I asked (thankfully I didn’t have to do it in person because I was a nervous, sweaty mess!).
His assistant set up a zoom call for us, I sent him various chapters of the book, we had another call. I remember him saying, “You’re FUNNY Erin, I don’t know if I can be that FUNNY,” and I laughed and told him, “You don’t worry about funny – I’ve got funny covered, you just be YOU. That’s all I need.” He agreed and we set a deadline for the first draft.
It was the only draft I needed. We didn’t change a single word.
I feel like I will never, ever forget the moment I received it. I was in my massage studio and had just wrapped up my last client of the afternoon, still surrounded by dim fairy lights and wafts of lavender essential oil. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his email in my inbox (it was early – before the deadline – how efficient he was!). I opened the attachment and read. By the end I was in tears (I cry every single time I read it). Not only are his words beautiful, his story honest and heartfelt, but Dr. Schnickel was the first person to validate what I was trying to do. He saw me. He saw all of the Caregivers who have shared his journey as a transplant surgeon.
He got it.
Not only did Dr. Schnickel perform a life-saving surgery that saved my husband’s life, he has supported me as a caregiver, supported my book, and has continued to offer support whenever the opportunity arises (he even took time out of his schedule to come see me speak at last years Society for Transplant Social Workers conference).
This week, during National Family Caregivers Month, I am sharing Dr. Gabriel Schnickel’s words with you. I hope you can feel the love.
Because it’s all about love,
Erin
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RINGING THE BELL
I am often asked by medical students and surgical trainees why I decided to go into transplant surgery. My response may vary in minor ways, but it always boils down to this: There are two situations in which a patient is truly excited to go to the hospital. The first, of course, is when they are going to deliver a baby. The second is when they have been called in to receive a transplant. To be a part of this joy and excitement, this second chance at life, is so gratifying that I cannot imagine doing anything else.
These young doctors immediately recognize this when we make morning rounds on our newly transplanted patients in the hospital. They feel the thrill of being a part of the transformation we see when a patient no longer needs dialysis, when a transplanted kidney starts to function in its new home, and when someone who had been dying from liver failure in the ICU gets out of bed to walk the halls with a family member.
In these exhilarating and sometimes dramatic moments for the patient, it’s easy to lose sight of the family, friends, and loved ones surrounding them. As physicians making our rounds, we move in – poking, prodding, examining, and encouraging. Then we are gone just as quickly. We often leave in our wake the caregiver, juggling dozens of questions, many of which come to mind the moment we leave the room. No matter how much preparation and fretting they did prior to transplant, most caregivers feel unprepared for and overwhelmed by the responsibilities that will fall on their shoulders. It is, for good reason, daunting and terrifying.
In this book, Erin shines a light on what it means to be a caregiver for a transplant patient, down to the smallest, and sometimes most embarrassing, detail. She does this with a warm heart, a sharp wit, and a formidable sense of humor. Rather than merely explaining what pills to take at what time, or what symptoms require phone calls, Erin really shows us what it means to be a caregiver. She gives voice to her lived experience and reminds other caregivers that they are not alone.
On the transplant floor of my hospital, there is a bell mounted to the wall on the way to the elevators. It is our tradition that every transplant recipient rings the bell as they leave the hospital after transplant surgery. It’s a wonderful thing to watch a patient ring that bell – tears glistening in their eyes, hearts and minds full of some combination of pride, relief, and celebration. For the patient, this bell sounding marks the end of a difficult journey to transplant, as well as their hospital stay. And while the caregiver shares in this amazing accomplishment, for them, this transition signals the start of a new phase of caregiving and the assumption of even more responsibility. So, it is a moment for celebration and a moment filled with trepidation. Without their strength, fortitude, and compassion, the transplant journey cannot succeed.
This book rings the bell for caregivers. It’s a wonderful primer for those embarking on the transplant journey – whether as transplant recipient or caregiver – and a joyful reminiscence for those who have already been down that road. For the rest of us, it is a balm for the soul – a reminder that we are not alone, that we can and do see each other through the toughest of times, and that this shared human experience is, in the end, a profound gift.
Gabriel Schnickel MD, MPH, FACS Professor of Surgery, Division of Transplant & Hepatobiliary Surgery, Department of Surgery, UC San Diego School of Medicine
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HAVE YOU READ “WELCOME TO CAREGIVING”?
One of the greatest gifts you can give me is sharing how my book impacted you. What it made you feel. How it made you see things from a different perspective. How it supported you.
Writing a review is one of the most helpful ways you can support my mission. Even if you didn’t buy the book through Amazon, you can still leave an Amazon review and I’m offering a link for you here.
Because it’s all about love,
Erin