The Illusion of Solo Success

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There’s a quote that goes, “You have the same 24 hours in a day as [insert impressive woman’s name here].” It’s meant to be inspiring — to get us to go after what we want with the same tenacity as that woman we admire. The “if she can do it, you can do it” mantra for our modern-day hustle culture.

But the thing is, no one can ever get to their ideal place in life alone. Not even that woman.

And not even him. You may not know it from listening to some men (cough, cough), but they can’t do it all on their own either. 

For so long, male senior leaders were able to climb the career ladder and bask in public solo success because their wives took on more behind the scenes. Way more. Their wives assumed the role of the supportive spouse, the dutiful caregiver, the household manager, the logistics coordinator, etc, all at once.

No wonder so many women executives of my generation used to say, “I could be that successful too; if only I had a wife.”

So many of the women I know who made it to the senior levels often did so because of the support they got from their husbands / partners — in fact, my husband took a step back from his career when I got my first C-suite job.

For those who didn’t have the same support at home, the odds were stacked against them. On the one hand, they were banging their heads against the glass ceiling at work, while on the other, they were being pulled at — and guilted — by the gendered family roles at home.

And of course, at the same time, invisible labor doesn't get the respect it deserves, period. Among other reasons, it could be because by acknowledging invisible labor, we bust the myth that it’s possible to rise to the top with nothing but sheer will, drive, and determination.

For women, this can be sneaky. Many of us understand the astounding amount of energy, skill, and talent invisible labor requires because we live it. Yet, the second we see [insert impressive woman’s name here] posting about her wins, we may assume that she won them single-handedly. Why, when we have the experience to know that it just doesn’t work that way? We all need a team. And we all need to be team players so those who feel like they don’t have a team — say, the single mom in your life — can feel differently one day.

I was thinking about this when I read a recent job announcement post from a connection here on LinkedIn. In it, she tags and credits all the people who helped her get the job, from the interviewers to her former colleagues. I’d never seen anyone do it like that before.

And then someone pointed out to me how, on Instagram, pop star Chappell Roan captions all her photos. She tags everyone — and I mean everyone — involved in the production of the photoshoot, from the makeup artists to the production assistants to the writers who profile her.

She makes all of that invisible labor — much of it by other women — visible to her audience. 

TL;DR: She’s not doing it alone. 

As for me, I’ve had plenty of help building Ellevest, from publicly known investors and big names in the investing space to the CFP® pros who create your financial plan to the employees responsible for your experience of the brand (Ellevest wouldn’t be Ellevest without the app coding, newsletter scheduling, data pulling, product designing, and so much more). And I’m at the right place at the right time because of my amazing administrative assistant. 

Who would make the credits in the movie about your life and career? I encourage you to tag the people who help you get it done in the comments.

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