Imposter Syndrome - Embrace It!

“People think that successful people don’t feel like frauds. The opposite is more likely to be true.” —MIKE CANNON-BROOKES, CEO OF ATLASSIAN

Do me a favour. Call, message and email someone right now and tell them how much you appreciate them and how great they are.

"Mummy, I can't see what is good about me and why people keep telling me how smart and kind I am. I just can't see it. I am an imposter. And I keep seeing how great everyone else is and is doing on social media", my daughter says to me this weekend. I struggle not to cry. It breaks my heart. It is not only her that I hear this from her, I have hear this more often than not from 100's of people and clients I have worked with. It does my head in the comparing we do with others. It is absolutely the death of joy.

I love my daughter so much that I wish she could she it. She struggles especially because of her anxiety and also because of social media. I see many young (and older) people struggling. I am on a mission to change this. Kindness, empathy and compassion are the keys. We need to lift each other up! This is leadership.

Have you ever felt like a fraud and you feel it plays out in different situations? 

Well, you’ve been hit by Imposter Syndrome! I have too.

Guess what, even the most successful, powerful and accomplished women (and men, too) have been unsure of themselves at one point or another. Einstein once said that he thought his research got way more attention than he thought it deserved. Even though feelings of self-doubt can stir up a lot of fear, anxiety and stress with Imposter Syndrome, here’s more good news, you can stop thinking like this and CHANGE! Addressing the Imposter Syndrome shadow will lead to greater leadership success for you.

NEVER GOOD ENOUGH?

In a Health publication, a psychologist explains “How to deal with Imposter Syndrome.” Imposter syndrome, or imposter phenomenon isn’t a diagnosis or a medical problem but rather a pattern of thinking that can lead to self-doubt, negative self-talk and missed opportunities. It’s the feeling that everyone else knows exactly what they’re doing, but you feel lost,” explains psychologist Susan Albers PsyD. “You have this fear that the people around you are going to figure out that you don’t know what you’re talking about and expose you as a fraud.”

The worst part about imposter syndrome? It can easily turn into a cycle with seriously negative consequences. But recognising it and having the tools to get past it can stop you from getting in your own way. One study estimated that 7 in 10 adults experience it at some point or another and the original imposter syndrome study in the 1970s revolved around high-achieving women who had trouble attributing their own success to themselves. “But when you fast forward to today, men, women and everybody experiences this phenomenon,” Dr. Albers says.

Interestingly, it’s often people who are hard workers, high achievers and perfectionists who are most likely to feel like frauds – including many doctors, lawyers, academics and celebrities. In relationships, some people feel unworthy of the affection they get from a significant other and fear that their partner will discover they’re not actually that great. “Sometimes people self-sabotage that relationship and end it before the other person can,” Dr. Albers says.

Studies have suggested that imposter syndrome can lead to a drop in job performance while increasing burnout. It’s also been linked to anxiety and depression. Overcoming imposter syndrome starts with recognising your own potential and taking ownership of your achievement. Dr. Albers offers these suggestion:

• Separate feelings from facts
• Take note of your accomplishments
• Stop comparing
• Turn imposter syndrome on its head
• Talk to others
• Talk to a therapist
• ASK FOR HELP! I have in the past....

Self-doubt can be paralysing. But now that you know how to recognise and deal with these feelings, you can make efforts to move forward instead of getting stuck in the imposter cycle.

REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Jessica Bennet indicates in the New York Times that the Imposter Syndrome affects women and minority groups disproportionately. My impostor syndrome has played out during public speeches, job negotiations and when I received my first book deal — prompting me to ask, “But why would anyone pay money to read what I have to say?” My editor, a woman, didn’t miss a beat: “I often wonder the same about my editing!” she said.

When suffering from self-doubt, it’s easy to think that you’re the only one who’s ever felt that way — but it’s not true. Even the most successful, powerful and accomplished women (and men, too) have been unsure of themselves at one point or another. But don’t take my word for it. Here are a few former impostors in their own words:

• Tina Fey: “The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re onto me! I’m a fraud!’” 
• Maya Angelou: The prizewinning author once said, after publishing her 11th book that every time she wrote another one she’d think to herself: “Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody.” 
• Michelle Obama: The former first lady has spoken and written about how, as a young woman, she used to lie awake at night asking herself: Am I too loud? Too much? Dreaming too big? “Eventually, I just got tired of always worrying what everyone else thought of me,” she said. “So I decided not to listen.”

STOP thinking like an IMPOSTER

Valerie Young is an internationally-recognized expert on impostor syndrome and has had more than three decades of speaking to an estimated 500,000 people and leading workshops on Impostor Syndrome. Up until just a few years ago, I always ended my talks by giving audiences a list of ten ways to combat impostor syndrome. Audience evaluations were overwhelmingly positive. The one criticism? “I wish she’d given us more solutions.” Or during the Q&A someone would come up to the mic and say, “This was great… but do you have any other solutions?” My response was always, “Of the 10 things I just gave you, what have you tried so far?” To which they’d invariably reply, “Well, nothing – I just wondered if there’s anything else we can do?” I spent years thinking, “I just gave them TEN things to do! Is it them? Is it me? What am I missing?”

Then one day it hit me.

What people want is to walk into the room feeling like an impostor and to walk out of the room not feeling like an impostor. That’s not how it works. In fact, feelings are the last to change. So now, before I even get to the solutions, I make sure my audience understands that people who don’t feel like impostors are no more intelligent or capable than the rest of us. The only difference between them and us is that during that same situation that triggers an impostor feeling in us, they think different thoughts. That’s it, folks. Which is really good news — because it means all we have to do is learn to think like a non-impostor.

And because impostor feelings are indeed the last to change, today I make sure everyone understands that…”The only way to stop feeling like an impostor is to stop thinking like an impostor.”

Register and learn more today!

Sonia's Events and OWL Program

NEVER stop LEARNING

In my blog about leadership learning, I referred to a Jack Nicholson Once quote, where he said “When You Stop Learning, I Believe You Are Dead!” One of The Things That Helps Me To Conquer The Imposter Syndrome Is My Ability To Keep It Real And Tell People That I Am A Semi-Expert. Having An Unquenchable Thirst For Knowledge Makes It Possible To Learn New Things, Grow As A Person, And Create Opportunities For Myself And Others.

It makes me cringe when people say I am an expert. Even if I had a Ph.D. in leadership books, I would not be an expert. I feel that if I say I am an expert, then my brain will switch off and say, “That’s it; you don’t need to learn anymore.” Argh! Hence the semi-expert tag. I am always learning, every single day, I never want to stop. I love to learn. That is why I write, speak and read about leadership books all the time. I suppose when you are truly passionate about something, you love to learn about it.

Many times I’ve had people ask me, “In addition to coaching and training, what else can I do to learn more about how to improve myself? How can I learn to be a great leader that propels myself and others towards greater growth and greater opportunities?” My answer is simple, read. Read everything you can about successful leaders and the steps that they have taken to achieve peak performance for themselves and their organisations.

Just Rock It!

This is from my book Just Rock It! I wrote this book for my teenage daughter and everyone else out there is needs a little courage and kindness to see their inner greatness. P.S. there has been a number of time as Mike Myers once said that the talent police will come and arrest me and even the best CEO's and leaders I have coached have experienced the imposter syndrome.

When you experience a meteoric rise (or even a small, incremental rise over time) toward success, you really do sometimes need to pinch yourself to make sure it’s actually happening.

And then, when you confirm that it’s indeed happening, you might possibly feel like you don’t deserve to be there—that you’re an imposter.

Just recently, someone brought more of an awareness of Imposter Syndrome to the world.

Mike Cannon-Brookes, founder of Atlassian, an Australian collaboration software company, suffers from Imposter Syndrome. He said in his Sydney TEDx Talk that he’s had Imposter Syndrome for 15 years. He asked candidly, “Have you ever felt out of your depth, like a fraud? Have you ever guessed/bullshitted your way out of a situation, petrified that someone’s going to call you out?” Yes, I have.

“It’s more a fear of getting away with something,” he continued in his TEDx Talk, “A fear of being ‘discovered.’”

Yes! Yes! That’s when I fake it!

(As I watched his talk, I cheered throughout and loudly agreed with his TED Talk video on my iPad. Kind of embarrassing, I know.) “Internally, you know you’re not skilled, experienced or ever qualified enough to justify being there—yet you are there, and you have to figure a way out because you can’t just ‘get out,’” Cannon-Brookes said.

He mentioned how he had spoken to another successful CEO who felt the same way, that the other CEO also felt he didn’t “deserve” to be in the driver’s seat, either.

“Most days, I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said. Well, how’s that for comforting? It’s sort of a relief, isn’t it, to know that wildly successful people are bewildered sometimes, too.

The fact that Cannon-Brookes suffers from it at all makes him that much more likeable, really. Who can resist a guy that is successful but is that down-to-earth? I mean, the guy wears a baseball cap every day, for crying out loud.

And the fact that he fully admits that he feels out of his league? Makes you want to give him a hug, doesn’t it?

Is Imposter Syndrome a good thing? Does it keep a successful person grounded and maybe just a little bit humble?

I think so.

Cannon-Brookes said, “Successful people don’t question themselves, they question their ideas and their knowledge. They’re not afraid to ask for advice. They don’t see that as a bad thing.”

Refreshing, isn’t it? It sure beats a CEO who’s a total know-it-all. Have you ever felt the unease one feels whilst suffering from Imposter Syndrome? Or, if you do feel it, maybe you didn’t have a name for it until now. Here are some clues that Imposter Syndrome has meddled its way into your conscience:

1. You work hard. Overly hard. (So much so that you’re trying to squash all feelings of inadequacy and prove your worth.)

2. You ask for validation all the time, from friends, family, your boss, co-workers—whomever you think needs to “approve” your work.

3. You procrastinate because you wonder if you’re really qualified to complete a major task (Example: “I have to give a presentation at the company annual meeting… Whaaat?”And then you put off writing your speech because you’re not sure you “deserve” to be the one to actually do it.) Just remember, successful people feel the need to fake it, too—and at some point, they’ve likely felt the like imposters, too. Ultimately, do you really think everyone knows what they’re doing all the time? Of course not. To some degree, we’re all making it up as we go along. No university degree, no previous job in an unrelated field, nothing—nothing can prepare you for everything you’ll encounter out there.

So get going, and do the things we all know you can do. (And for the thousandth time, if you need to fake it, don’t worry, we’ll keep it between us.)

Embrace your inner imposter and remember you are human and you are imperfect. Sonia x

Name five things (or more or fewer!) that make you feel like an imposter and share them with me. (And then, promptly remind yourself that feeling out of your depth may mean that what you’re doing is unequivocally worthwhile. I mean, you could be changing the world for the better!).

About Sonia McDonald

Sonia McDonald is the CEO and founder of LeadershipHQ and Outstanding Leadership Awards. Sonia is a leading keynote speaker, leadership advisor, award-winning author and facilitator.

She believes we should lead with kindness and courage, from the heart, doing rather than telling and is known for her mantra ‘just lead’. She leads by example in all these areas and through her one on one practical coaching, leadership training for teams and organisations encourages others to do the same. Sonia has helped hundreds of people on their leadership journey to become the best version of themselves and in turn, inspire and bring out the best in others. Also she and her team have worked and partnered with a number of businesses and companies for over a decade build great leadership, teams and cultures. For more than 30 years, Sonia has been on the front lines of Human Resources, Leadership and People and Culture. She has held leadership positions worldwide and through experience, research and study come to realise what it takes to be a truly great leader. 

She is an award-winning published author of Leadership Attitude, Just Rock It! and First Comes Courage and writes regularly for publications such as The Australian, HRD Magazine, Smart Healthy Women and Women’s Business Media. Sonia has become recognised for her work in the leadership space across the globe as well as her work in her leading podcast and leadership channel where she celebrates and showcases great leaders and leadership.

Contact her at sonia@soniamcdonald.com.au and book her today for your next event or conference!