Imposter syndrome, laughter and boundaries: Lessons from January

Well what a month January was - and how quickly it has passed by.

I definitely feel as though I am coming out of a period of wintering as Katherine May would characterise it - a time where our expectations need to be reframed, and where deep rest and radical self-acceptance is needed - acknowledgement that we are simply where we need to be, regardless of what our hopes might have been beforehand.

So far 2023 has brought with it some exiting new possibilities, and I've also realised that I'm gaining confidence in my ability to create a business that works for me, rather than trying to find the next shiny business coach / course to buy in to.

This includes removing my FREE community away from a well known social media platform into a learning portal where I can independently host my training videos, and other resources aligned with the needs of my community. I'm hoping that it will reduce frustration for all involved! If you'd like to join you can sign up HERE.

This is a major milestone for me, and having recruited someone to help tie all my systems together through the magic of automations, I'm really excited to focus more on what I love doing - supporting purpose driven women to move out of the shadows, put their needs first, lead with courage and take the world by storm.

Or at least their corner of it!

Newsletter themes this month have included imposter syndrome, boundaries, and laughter.

I think many people believe that as a coach and psychologist I may 'have it all together' and not be occasionally blighted by my own 'inner voice of nonsense'.

This is definitely not true, so much so that I lovingly refer to my inner critic as 'Professor Bowen' - she who will question everything I do, and shout even more loudly the more I follow my heart over my head!

How do I deal with it?

Well, on days when I'm tired, hungry or just physically depleted, like everyone else I let her in to rule the day...until I can't stand it any more.

Then I usually put on some loud music (Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder or This Is Me from the Greatest Showman are favourites), and sing and dance around my office or kitchen.

Why?

Well singing triggers our parasympathetic nervous system, it boosts oxytocin and endorphins (Kang et al, 2018) which increase happiness and boosts our immune systems. Dancing does the same so to combine them means that you are literally changing your state.

It becomes very hard to buy in to negative Professor Bowen when shrieking along!

Other times I just acknowledge her and laugh at her. I internally shake my head and think 'oh here you are again, I must be about to do something important' and remind myself that I actually have a choice about whether I listen to her or not.

However some research suggests that our imposter may actually be on our side. That by convincing ourself we are less than, it actually helps boost our motivation and helps us to get things done (Gadsby, 2022).

So questioning the function of this inner voice is needed - what is this voice allowing or preventing?

The Imposter Syndrome Files podcast covers all things imposter syndrome - how it influences careers, confidence, help-seeking and much more, and is definitely worth a follow and listen in.

Does laughter tell you the truth?

I've recently noticed that some clients start belly-laughing in sessions.

Yes, I do at times use humour, but it never gets THIS kind of response.

Their laughter is triggered internally - by a deep sense that they have uncovered an inner truth of sorts.

Laughter is more often acknowledged as a social phenomenon - one that is learned during the first three months of life, and which is used to create and reinforce social relationships (Bryant, 2020), and negotiate power.

So why may this spontaneous laughter arise?

Well as far as I can tell, it hasn't been thoroughly researched, but there is growing support for actually harnessing the power of laughter as a therapeutic or personal development intervention, such are its broad-spectrum benefits (Gonot-Schoupinsky et al, 2020).

This episode of The Why Factor brings together academics and comedians to discuss the origins and function of laughter, and is a really well-rounded episode.

Omid Djalili poignantly comments that when he raises the first laugh in a set 'it's validation..that I exist...it heals the wounds from childhood.'

We can all do with more healing in our lives, so let's take the opportunities to laugh, and create laughter, when they arise.

Boundaries....pesky boundaries

I truly believe that the key to courageous leadership and wellbeing is boundary management.

It sounds so simple, but reflects so much about who we are, how we have been shaped, our orientation to self or other, the way we judge ourselves, the fears that we carry, and how we communicate our needs.

That is why they are foundational to my L.E.A.D programme.

Once we understand, accept and are compassionate towards our boundary story, we can start to build a future where we are the lead character, rather than a member of the ensemble cast.

It is my belief that every woman needs to be the lead character in her life, and yes, I am reminded on a daily basis just how bloody hard that can be to achieve.

But that's what keeps me passionate about my work.

As Brene Brown says 'daring to set boundaries is having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others'.

If you'd like to know more about my programmes I'd love you to join my next workshop on Feb 14th - details can be found HERE.

And if you'd like to hear from me more frequently you can sign up to my weekly email newsletter here.

Until next time - have a happy and healthy February.

Erica

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References:

Bryant, G. A. (2020). Evolution, structure, and functions of human laughter. In The handbook of communication science and biology (pp. 63-77). Routledge.

Gadsby, S. (2022). Imposter syndrome and self-deception. Australasian Journal of Philosophy, 100(2), 247-261.

Gonot-Schoupinsky, F. N., Garip, G., & Sheffield, D. (2020). Laughter and humour for personal development: A systematic scoping review of the evidence. European Journal of Integrative Medicine, 37, 101144.

Kang, J., Scholp, A., & Jiang, J. J. (2018). A review of the physiological effects and mechanisms of singing. Journal of Voice, 32(4), 390-395.