Is Influence Just Socially Acceptable Manipulation?

The concept of influence often gets a shiny reputation—especially in leadership, sales and marketing. It’s seen as the art of persuasion, the ability to inspire action, and a skill necessary to drive progress. As a leader myself, I’ve reflected on my ability to influence, and even had to prove it, in order to obtain promotions over the years. The more senior I became, the more important influence seemed to become. In fact, in a large matrix multinational, sometimes it felt as if influencing was all I ever did. But how comfortable should we be with this? Beneath the surface lies a question worth exploring: Is influence just a socially acceptable form of manipulation?

Empathy as a Tool or a Tactic?

In sales, professionals are trained to use empathy to build rapport and connect with customers. They ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and mirror emotions—all with the intent to better understand and serve the client. Similarly, marketers craft compelling stories, use relatable imagery, and tap into human psychology to shape consumer behaviour.

But here’s the tricky part: is this true empathy—a genuine desire to understand and support—or is it simply a strategy to drive outcomes? When empathy or storytelling is tied to quotas, KPIs, or profit margins, it risks becoming performative—a means to steer emotions and decisions rather than a tool for authentic connection.

Leadership and the Power Dynamic

In leadership, influence often masquerades as collaboration. Leaders are encouraged to build buy-in, align teams with a vision, and inspire action. But let’s be honest—there’s always a power imbalance at play. The inherent authority of a leader means that influence often serves the goals of the company or the leader themselves, even if it’s framed as what’s best for the team.

The power difference raises a question: can influence ever truly be free of manipulation when one party has more control or authority? And if not, is there an ethical way to navigate this dynamic?

When Influence is Essential

Influence isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s a powerful and necessary tool for driving social and behavioural change.

Take public health campaigns, for example. Marketing and influence strategies have been used to encourage people to register as organ donors, quit smoking, or wear seat belts—saving countless lives. Influence has also been pivotal in mobilising voter registration efforts, advocating for social justice, and inspiring action against climate change.

When wielded ethically, influence can amplify voices, shift societal norms, and create lasting positive impact.

Influence vs. Manipulation

Let’s clarify the distinction:

• Influence is about creating alignment, often through transparency, trust, and shared values. It invites voluntary participation.
• Manipulation subtly removes autonomy. It’s about guiding someone to act in a way they might not have chosen if fully informed.

The line between the two, however, can blur when influence is wielded in service of an agenda rather than mutual benefit.

Transparent Influence: A Better Path

If we want to lead, sell, or market with integrity, we need to embrace transparent influence—an approach rooted in honesty and clarity.

Here’s what transparent influence might look like:

1. State Your Intentions Clearly: Be upfront about your goals and why you’re advocating a certain course of action.
2. Invite Genuine Dialogue: Allow space for dissent and alternative viewpoints. Influence without coercion requires listening.
3. Check Your Motives: Are you influencing for mutual benefit, or solely to meet your own or organisational goals?
4. Embrace Ethical Boundaries: If a tactic feels manipulative, it probably is. Focus on fostering trust rather than steering outcomes.

Reclaiming Influence

Ultimately, influence is neither inherently good nor bad—it’s a tool, and its ethics depend on how it’s wielded. Influence can shape buying habits or workplace behaviour—but it can also inspire people to stand up against injustice, save lives through organ donation, or simply recognise their own power to effect change.

The challenge for leaders, marketers, and salespeople alike is to use influence with transparency, empathy, and integrity. When wielded responsibly, influence becomes not just a means to an end but a way to build trust and foster a better world.

What do you think? Can influence ever be free from manipulation, or is it all about how we choose to use it?

If you’re interested in starting personalised coaching to explore your own transparent influencing skills, please reach out to katie@re-humanise.com.