HR Series - Marriage/Employee Life Cycle - Stage 1

Think of employment like a marriage. It starts with excitement and high hopes, but just like relationships, it can go through various stages that reveal whether it’s a perfect match or not. Here’s a hilarious breakdown of how employment mirrors a marriage, from the initial search for the right partner to the eventual reality check.

Stage 1: The Search for the Right Fit

So, your parents have finally dropped the bomb: It’s time to find “The One” and settle down. The search for the perfect groom has officially begun. You get roped into updating your matrimonial profile—yes, that’s still a thing—and reluctantly hand over your best photo, the one where you look like a Bollywood star, minus the Photoshop. Your profile goes live, and suddenly you’re knee-deep in biodatas, horoscopes, and family WhatsApp forwards. You’re trying to decode phrases like “well-settled” (Does he own a flat or just live with his parents?) and “traditional with modern values” (Is this guy going to insist on doing pooja every morning before checking Instagram?).

Meanwhile, in the parallel universe of corporate life, HR is on the hunt for a new hire. You craft a job description that’s basically a wish list: “Looking for a dynamic team player who can multitask and thrive in a fast-paced environment.” Translation: “You’ll be juggling a thousand things at once, but hey, we have samosas in the break room on Fridays.” The job posting goes up, and soon enough, your inbox is overflowing with resumes. Some are great, but others? Well, let’s just say you’ve seen more creativity in an “Indian Idol” audition.

After sifting through countless biodatas (and filtering out the ones where the guy’s hobbies include “bodybuilding” and “stalking actresses on social media”), you finally agree to meet a potential groom. The families have exchanged photos, horoscopes, and a few hundred texts. The big day arrives, and you find yourself dressed to the nines, sitting in the living room, pretending to sip tea while you silently pray that this guy isn’t another one of those “Software engineer, lives in the US, but I’m still dependent on my mom for my morning chai” types. You’re assessing everything—how he talks to his parents, whether he orders his own food, and most importantly, if he has the sense not to crack lame jokes.

Over in the office, the candidate with the gold-standard resume is about to face their first interview. You’re sitting across from each other, both trying to act like you haven’t already Googled everything about each other. The candidate’s answers are smooth, but you’re skeptical. You’re hoping this isn’t one of those people who talks big but can’t deliver—and, of course, you’re praying they don’t bring a tiffin of fish curry to the office every day. You smile, they smile, but all you can think is, “Please don’t be the one who insists on group yoga sessions during lunch.”

The meeting went well enough that your parents are already calling the astrologer to check for doshas and favorable nakshatras. But before you get too excited, you go into detective mode. You dive into his social media, looking for red flags like an unhealthy obsession with cricket memes or the dreaded “gym selfie every day” routine. You casually ask around, maybe get some intel from a cousin who went to the same engineering college. You’re fishing for the dirt, trying to make sure this guy doesn’t have a hidden hobby of collecting socks or a secret Instagram account dedicated to his love for samosas.

Meanwhile, in HR, the candidate aced the interview, but now it’s time to do some real digging. You start calling references, secretly hoping they’re not just his best friend pretending to be his former manager. You Google his name, crossing your fingers that he doesn’t have a viral video of him doing something embarrassing like singing “Kolaveri Di” at a family wedding. If everything checks out, great. If not, well, back to the biodata collection.

Finally, after all the tea, small talk, and horoscope matching, it’s time for the big decision. Your parents are nudging you to make a move—aka “Say yes before he finds someone else!” You’ve practiced your response in the mirror a hundred times, trying to sound cool and not desperate. You drop the line: “I think we should get to know each other better,” while secretly praying he doesn’t turn out to be one of those guys who spends every weekend at his friend’s place “chilling” instead of with you.

In the office, it’s offer time. You’ve picked your candidate, and now it’s time to close the deal. You lay out the job offer, highlighting the perks like chai breaks, Diwali bonuses, and the occasional team-building trip that’s really just a group lunch at the nearest dhaba. You’re waiting for them to sign on the dotted line, but there’s that little fear that they might ask for something ridiculous, like a reserved parking spot or the ability to work from a beach in Goa. If they say yes, you celebrate. If not, well, it’s back to the pile of resumes—and maybe a shot of filter coffee to keep you going.

To Be Continued…Because, let’s face it, whether it’s finding a groom or hiring a candidate, this rollercoaster never stops—and neither does the drama!

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