The inner critic doesn’t exist. Try internalized critic instead.

I am not stating anything but the obvious with the title of my article. It’s not like one wouldn’t know that when they got born they didn’t evaluate themselves as good or bad communicators, as great or bad leaders, as not being good or being awesome at public speaking.

Nope, all of these evaluations, came to us, one by one, product of our emotional stability, when we started having more conscious experiences starting with childhood.

At some point in time, we started giving interpretation and believing our experiences, and not only we made them about us, but we internalized them so much, that we’d often refer to them as inner critic.

When we decided (unconsciously) to adopt beliefs about ourselves that don’t serve us well (I am not good enough to ….get a salary increase/ask for a promotion/be a people manager/speak in front of other people/get the job/ask for support with my professional development/apply for the job I really want etc), it’s the internalized critic talking. And that chatter, that kicks in so unconsciously that we identify our entire self with, that maybe protected us back in the days, from being hurt, is still running the same movie as it did when you were 2 or 4 or 7, thinking you’re faced with the same issues.

And it’s not like you haven’t read all the books, took all the masterclasses and did all the intellectual work to tame the beast. Of course you did. And intellectually, you can probably teach others how to embrace the inner critic, the 10 steps of getting over yourself and take bold action  etc etc. But when it comes to asking for that raise or applying for that job or you name what you;d like to do, but you don’t, the inner critic takes over and paralyzes you into inaction.

Today, I am having great conversations with my internalized critic. Because I use the usual brain chatter coming from it as an invitation to compassionate curiosity towards what is going on, what I am scared of. And what helped me get to this stage was having someone that held the mirror for me, that helped me see how smart (and pervy) my brain is, that it can talk me out of pretty much anything, as long as I let it take over.

How is your inner critic manifesting and preventing you from doing?

If you’d like me to try and hold that mirror for you, please reach out.