Insecure Leadership: The Perils of Competing with Your Own Team

In the early 90s, I took the reins as Trade, Tourism, and Investments Commissioner. My predecessor had sung praises of Edwina, the dynamic force behind the Trade office's success. And rightly so. She was a whirlwind of energy, knowledge, and fearlessness.

Initially, we were an unstoppable duo. I laid the strategic groundwork and opened doors for her by connecting with top CEOs, while Edwina executed the details with unmatched finesse. Together, we elevated our service, but it was only Edwina who earned accolades from every corner.

Yet, amidst the praise showered upon Edwina, a green monster crept into my heart. Insecure and craving recognition, I made a fatal error: I let my fragile ego powered by my insecurity cloud my judgment. Micromanagement replaced trust, and eventually, I lost my star performer.

Lessons Learned:

This experience was a painful but invaluable teacher. I learned that:

🔥 Humility is a Boomerang: The amusing thing about giving credit is that it tends to come back to you, often with interest. The more I genuinely praised others, the more people saw me as wise and of sound character. They recognized me as a secure leader, adept at managing a high-performance team.

🔥 Nobody Likes an Insecure Leader: An insecure leader is like a boat with a leak. It sinks the whole team. When leaders need constant validation and are jealous of their team’s achievements, it undermines respect and cooperation. Real leadership is about boosting your team, not battling them for the spotlight.

🔥Always Give Credit and Celebrate Your Team Wins: Celebrating your team’s victories isn’t just good manners; it’s the secret sauce for building trust and fostering a culture of collaboration. Think of yourself as the conductor of an orchestra. You don’t need to outplay the clarinetist or the pianist. Everyone has their role, and when the audience applauds, you bow and highlight the musicians, not yourself. When you elevate your team, you elevate the entire organization.

🔥 Receiving Credit Fuels Motivation: When team members feel recognized and appreciated, their motivation soars. The potent mix of recognition and appreciation acts like rocket fuel, propelling individuals to go above and beyond. It boosts morale, fosters a sense of belonging, and strengthens loyalty. A simple sprinkle of appreciation can ignite a blaze of enthusiasm and dedication that elevates the entire team to new heights.

🔥 Credit Should Be Shared 360 Degrees: Losing Edwina was a wake-up call. It hit me. I was doing to my bosses what she did to me, hoarding credit like a squirrel with acorns. I had to shift my mindset from "I'm better than my boss and predecessor" to "I have a fantastic boss and am privileged to step into the big shoes of my amazing predecessor." When you know your self-worth, sharing credit becomes as easy as passing the gravy at Thanksgiving.

🔥 Envy is better than jealousy: When feeling jealous, try reframing it as envy. While jealousy is a toxic comparison that leads to a lose-lose situation, envy can be a catalyst for growth. It can inspire you to learn from those you admire, build relationships with them, and seek mentorship.

Feed Your Ego with the Right Diet.

Unless you’re enlightened or a saint, we all need to feed it. Ignoring our ego is like skipping meals—eventually, it leaves you weak, insecure and deflated. It can make you feel despondent, meek, afraid, isolated, lonely, sad, and depressed. It saps your confidence and deflates your self-esteem.

Every morning, we crave validation: to be seen, appreciated, and loved. We want people to acknowledge our success. But chasing this validation is exhausting and addictive, like a sugar rush that leaves you crashing. It makes us dependent on external forces to feel good about ourselves. This relentless pursuit is junk food for our souls.

Transformation happens when we flip the script. Instead of seeking validation, we give it. As leaders, we make others feel seen, appreciated, and successful. We help others thrive and spread love instead of chasing it. This is the health food for our ego: uplifting others, encouraging them, and celebrating their efforts and achievements. When we focus on giving rather than taking, we nourish our ego with the right diet.

This approach nurtures our well-being and helps us grow as leaders. Unlike the daily grind of seeking validation, which is out of our control, we have complete control over giving what we wish to receive. This shift makes us powerful from within, boosting our self-esteem and self-worth. After all, we have the power to do all these wonderful things for others.

Conclusion

Losing Edwina was a bitter pill, but it taught me some sweet lessons about humility, recognition, and the magic of appreciating others. Real leadership isn't about hoarding credit; it's about tossing it around like confetti.

When I shifted from the exhausting need to seek validation to providing it, I discovered the secret ingredient to a high-performing and intrinsically motivated team.

By focusing on developing and empowering them, you'll not only build a stronger high-performance team but also solidify your own leadership. Genuine and authentic praise shows your confidence and ability to uplift others and set them up for success.

Remember, a leader who wins with their team is truly victorious. Feeding my ego with the right diet—uplifting and appreciating others—transformed me into a more secure, effective, respected, and happy leader. It's a recipe for success that anyone can follow.

So, what are you feeding your ego?