Installment 4: Resistance

I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better. – Georg C. Litchenberg

Every one of us has a collection of profound internal disturbances. Our programmed reactions to those disturbances may be to avoid them and keep them in their place. What we'll end up doing is tricking ourselves into thinking we're somehow controlling them. Daily, we are all guilty of rationalizing our reactions to those disturbances. Today, I'd like to take you on a journey of how important it is to have an awareness and understanding of your own resistance. For to deny the existence of resistance within you implies so many things, doesn't it? Is there nothing that ever hinders you? Is there nothing that ever alters your emotions? I could go on, but I know my audience. You've already felt it, right?

This is Installment 4: Resistance

Bound by the constructs of space and time, I choose time as my weapon. You see, I'm constantly seeking deeper levels of productivity. I've been obsessed with Steven Kotler's messages on flow state for 3 years, and his books are incredible reference points for tapping into unbelievable productivity. I've created a new path for myself, rooted in applying flow-state access principles and it's been an incredible shift. So how is time my weapon?

I've also studied game theory extensively during the last year. We're all playing multiple games, whether we're aware of it or not. A few of the games I'm currently playing are a) working to be father and husband of the year, b) accomplishing massive amounts of work compressed into smaller windows, c) having a ridiculous amount of fun with my career. For the sake of getting to the point, I'll focus on point b.

This morning, our new car had a flat tire. It's one of the busiest days I've had in weeks. When my wife advised she had a flat tire, I could have reacted as if my day did not have time for this moment. Instead, I grabbed my phone, accessed the clock app on my mobile device, and set the stopwatch to begin the game. How quickly could I figure out how to access the spare, figure out the Honda Pilot solution for this situation, and get on with my day? It's currently 9:30 am, I'm sitting in a coffee shop writing this newsletter, and just got a text from the tire shop letting me know the tire is fixed and the vehicle is ready. This deviation in my day could have been met with resistance, yet I chose an alternate path without hesitation.

This is a big shift for me.

Three years ago I would have dropped an F-bomb (hey, nobody's perfect...sorry mom!), I would have dreaded making modifications to my calendar, and I would have been in a foul mood while figuring out how to get the temporary donut-spare installed. I would have dreaded asking my team and clients to shift our meeting schedules. I would have doubted my ability to fit my tasks into today's mission. I'm telling you, I was a mess 3 years ago. Today was an opportunity to practice what I've learned, to apply the principles I preach, and I can honestly say it was satisfying as hell. I actually expressed joy in deadlifting that 18" wheel and tire with an embedded nail into the trunk today, because it was so effortless. A result of 2 years in the gym where I can deadlift and squat 300 lbs. (not-so-humble brag...hey, I'm human). Today, I'd like to help you focus on your own levels of resistance because they are probably not so simple and black-and-white as in this example.

If you've read the first 3 installments of Challenge Your Leader, you know the drill. I'd like for you to draw your attention to the meaning of resistance because it's a beautiful thing. Definition 1 is the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent something by action or argument. Definition 2 is the ability not to be affected by something, especially adversely. I leaned into definition 2 today without even thinking about it, but it's definition 1 that will stunt our growth. That's where I'd like to draw your attention. Today we're going to shine a spotlight on your resistance. The textbook antonyms for resistance are compliance and conformity, but not the way we're going to talk about it. I am truly convinced the opposite of resistance is resilience.

Our lives are a cluster of tasks, challenges, unforeseen situations, and opportunities. How we maneuver through this framework is a product of so many variables. And that's what I'd like you to sit with for a moment.

Step 1: Think about scenarios in your day that trip you up, elicit emotions you'd rather not exhibit, or take you away from your core personality.

Step 2: Take a skill from last week's newsletter and run through alternate interpretations of those same scenarios. What could be a better outcome? Here are a couple of thought starters for you...

• Are you ascribing intent to someone else's actions or inactions? This is a big one. This is where many of us box ourselves in, especially if we're playing the game where we believe the actions and inactions of others were somehow intentional.
• Are you misinterpreting communication? Super common! Everything is open to interpretation, so what are the chances your interpretation was EXACTLY what the other person meant? Spoiler alert...the answer is you'll never have the exact interpretation of what the other person meant.
• Did you miss an opportunity to shine or press forward? Did your core personality fade away when it had a chance to exhibit its magnificence?

Can you begin to see where you're applying resistance toward playing a different and better game than the one you've installed and download every day? Like I'll always say, forgive yourself in this revelation. It's eye-opening for some and a good reminder for others. By inspecting frequently where you're applying resistance and understanding how it's holding you back, you will begin to unlock new and better outcomes.

As a close to this topic, and in the true spirit of challenging your leader forward, consider this. Your co-workers, your boss, their boss, everyone has resistance in their lives. So let's cut people some slack and let's create some new games worth playing. Resistance is rooted in fear, and we'll be talking about variations of that during our weekly conversations going forward.

Onward & Upward