Intentional Communication for High Impact

The art of communication is the language of leadership. —James Humes

Are you an effective communicator?

Pause a moment before you answer.

If your instinct is to say "yes," let me ask another question—do those you work with every day believe you are an effective communicator?

It might be worth asking them. Even if you are pretty good at communicating, (if they are honest with you) they may share opportunities for you to improve your communication approach.

Communication is a huge aspect of your personal and professional success. So it's something you should never stop working on.

Simplify Communication

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. —Albert Einstein

Engineers work on remarkably complex products, processes, and systems. Many go deep into learning and applying specialized technical knowledge. They need to learn new programming languages, understand complicated technical details, and put them together into something that is great for end users.

But here's the lesson—other than when you’re communicating with your technical team, drop the technical jargon. Simplify your communication.

Often you need to communicate and (don't cringe) even "sell" ideas and initiatives. You need to explain why what you do is important and connect it to the needs of the team, department, and organization as a whole.

You will need to get buy-in from other teams that you need resources or assistance from.

No one will care to help if they don't understand what you are doing, and they won't understand if you don't simplify what you share with them.

Use analogies, metaphors, stories, physical demonstrations, simplified diagrams, or prototypes—whatever you need to use to help contextualize the information you share with others.

It may sound cliché, but it’s a good idea to explain complex information in a way that even a fifth grader could understand your meaning, especially when speaking to non-technical personnel. I’m not suggesting you talk down to the other person or treat them like they are unintelligent, but rather, that you communicate simply and clearly so that the other person can apply their own expertise to the information you share with them. You will be able to accomplish much more if your communication is easy to understand.

Ask Great Questions

Without a good question, a good answer has no place to go. —Clayton Christensen

Let's take a step back and remember that communication isn't just one-way. Communication is about understanding and being understood.

That means you need to do more than just explain things yourself, but also ask great questions to understand others you are working with. This is true whether you’re communicating with your team, your boss, a potential employer, or somebody from another team you’re collaborating with.

What constitutes a great question will be different depending on the situation and who you are communicating with. Sometimes you need a definitive answer and need to ask a yes or no question. But often, the most powerful conversations are catalyzed by open-ended questions. These questions don't have one correct answer. They cause people to pause, think, consider, and process through their answers.

Once you get an answer, you can often go deeper in the conversation. Ask why. Ask clarifying questions. Ask to learn more about what they are sharing with you and how that connects to other ideas and challenges. Then, repeat back and summarize the information you’ve gathered to make sure you understand.

As an added bonus, when you ask great questions and learn more about what others care about, it helps you simplify and improve the information you share with them because of connections you’ve made between what you need and what they need! This process of asking great questions and thus improving your communication then reinforces your desire to simplify communication. Awesome, right?

Listen, Really Listen

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. —Ernest Hemingway

Listening is hard for me. Maybe it's hard for you too.

A few years ago I received what is called a 360-Degree Review at work. Around 12 different people, including those I managed, peers I worked with, and my own leaders gave me anonymous feedback on my performance, my approach to teamwork and leadership, and my strengths and weaknesses.

The glaring theme from multiple sources was clear—I didn't listen well. I cut people off. I drove forward with my own ideas rather than listening and actually considering what others had to say. Some people felt plain ignored much of the time.

Receiving this feedback was painful. It wasn’t what I had thought was true or wanted to be true, but getting that perspective became a turning point for me at work and at home (my wife confirmed that she felt I had trouble listening at home as well. Ugh…).

Working to improve my ability to listen and changing my negative tendencies is a journey, and one I feel I will never be done with. But through a lot of effort, I’ve made considerable progress. I had to have some honest conversations with my team to learn more about areas I needed to improve. We put the word “LISTEN” on our team whiteboard. I put “LISTEN” on a sticky note attached to my laptop. And I asked my team to hold me accountable as I tried to improve, so they started letting me know when I was cutting them off or ignoring their point of view. That experience changed me and improved our whole team dynamic.

There is power in listening. People want to feel heard. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason!

When people speak to us, we need to close off other distractions, look them in the eye, and be present with them.

There is a lot of talk about "active listening"—active listening is great, but we can go even further.

To build on the concept of active listening, Stephen R. Covey in his famous 7 Habits book talked about "empathetic listening." Empathetic listening means listening with your ears to what people are saying, but also listening with your eyes (to the speaker’s body language), and heart (your feelings and the feelings of the person you’re talking to). When you listen empathetically, you can often connect in a deeper way with the person you’re speaking to, and thus accelerate the level of communication you have with each other.

It's amazing what can happen when you really listen to a person.

Take Intentional Action

To improve your communication skills, try out this communication activity. 

For this activity, you'll practice empathetic listening. In order to do this activity, arrange a get-together with one other person, and follow these directions.

1. Explain the purpose of the activity. The purpose is to practice empathetic listening, and thus gain a greater understanding of each other.

2. Have the other person describe a recent experience or respond to one of these prompts:

• Tell me about a time you were really scared, surprised, or happy.
• Share an achievement you are proud of.
• Tell me about a formative experience from your childhood.

3. Have them share with you for three to five minutes.

As they share, your job is just to listen. Do not interrupt or ask questions during that time. Nothing. Make eye contact and try to understand the underlying emotions the person is experiencing as they share.

4. After they have shared with you, it’s your turn—spend two to three minutes to reflect and share back what you heard and felt. You can use phrases such as, "It sounds like you felt (insert emotion or perceived sentiment) when (event happened). Is that right?" Verbally acknowledge the feeling surrounding what they shared. No need to analyze it further, just recognize the feelings you picked up on.

5. Next, switch sides and repeat the previous steps.

6. When done, debrief together. What did you learn about each other? What parts of this process were difficult for each of you? How will you try and listen differently from now on as a result of this activity?

This activity might sound awkward and uncomfortable to you. Great, do it anyway. It can be a transformational and relationship-enhancing experience.

Accelerate Your Progress

This newsletter is an adapted excerpt from my new book, The Intentional Engineer. It was written just for intentional engineers like you. Go grab your own copy today at: https://amzn.to/3u6bJF2. 

The Audiobook is also available, so go grab your copy on Audible or Apple Books!

And if you want personalized coaching or training for you or your team/organization, just DM me or email me at jeff@jeff-perry.com. I’d love to help!

And if you’re getting value out of this newsletter, make sure to like, comment, and share it with others!