Intentionally Building Up Girls’ Confidence and Skills
Yes, her mom said it was OK to use this photo :).

Intentionally Building Up Girls’ Confidence and Skills

Today is International Women's Day. Of course, before they become women, they're little girls who had to learn how to become those women.  I'm a fan of helping girls gain the skills to be successful and become confident young women at an early age.  I've coached softball for a decade, and as my players' parents will attest, I love to say, "The sooner they're better, the better."

Here are some of my favorite things to teach girls to help them become confident and learn life skills.

1) How to shake hands.

I didn't learn the right way to shake hands until I was a sophomore in high school and we had a speaker for a student council meeting.  My players learn as early as six years old.  Every game we have two players who are game captains who go out and shake hands with the umpires and the opposing teams coaches. You extend your hand, put the webbing of your thumb into the other person's, make confident eye contact, and say, "Hi, my name is Tayla, nice to meet you!"  First the players practice with me because I'm not too scary, and then they go and shake hands for real.  A lot of umpires are former athletes and big guys. If a fifty-pound six-year-old girl can learn to confidently shake hands with a 6'2, 250-pound man, how impressive will she be when she goes in for her first job interview?  This idea was reinforced from Ron Clark's "The Essential 55".

2) How to work when no one is watching.

The first thing I ask at the first practice is, "Who is the most important person when it comes to getting better?" Usually, they point to me or sometimes to their parents, but I shake my head and say, "No. The most important person when it comes to getting better is you.  Next is your parents. The least important person is your coach."   

We do have helmet stickers, but they don't get those for what they do in the game.  Each week, we have something to practice at home, and they get the stickers for their actions off-the-field when the coach isn't watching.  They learn they're in charge of their self-improvement.

3) They learn to work intentionally

A lot of times kids go to practice and they get home and can't remember what they learned.  Each practice has a "Main Point".   It could be how to hold the bat, it could be the right stance for fielding, and when they get older, it could be certain plays or approaches.  They work on other things, too, but then we go over the main point at the end of practice, and then they have their parents record on their cameras how to do that skill. Whether it's at a practice or school or whatever they're doing, they learn to intentionally learn.

4) They learn to encourage each other

You'd be amazed how many kids don't know how to do a high five.  Either they're scared to do them or they've only learned from adults and they try to take your hand off.  The girls learn to encourage each other whether it's throughout practice with high-fives or at the end of practice, they take turns encouraging each other and saying what each did well.  When they're young, the compliments are really general, but when they get older, they get more specific.  Getting into the habit of encouraging others well is a great skill.

One of my favorites was when we taught our players the right and wrong way to respond when their teammate makes an error.  First, we practice the wrong way.  I start out, I make an error, and everyone boos me, and then they take turns laughingly booing each other. (They love that part.). Second, they react the right way. If they're not in the play, they learn to shout, "Hustle, you got it!"  I was at another game a couple of years later, watching a team with a former player who had aged out onto another team.  Her teammate made an error, and she immediately shouted, "Hustle, you got it!".  

5) They learn to deal with adversity

A common thing to say when you want to get your players' attention is "Marco" and they yell back "Polo".  I wanted to improve on this, so I yell, "If I mess up?" and then the players yell back, "I don't give up!".   With the attention spans of six-year-olds, or even thirteen-year-olds, "If I mess up, I don't give up!" is yelled about a thousand times a season.  You can't say something that many times and not have it sink in.

6) They learn that they can do hard things

One of the things we talk about most mid-practice is that these girls were made to do hard things.  If they work at it, they can do something next week or next month that they can't even come close to doing right now.  When they're older, maybe that is throwing a change-up on the outside corner for a strike, and when they're little, maybe it's just catching a ball without closing your eyes.  I love it when a mom emails me that her daughter came home saying, "Mom! I can do hard things!"

These are just a few ideas.  My encouragement is that if you have daughters or you coach, go beyond just daily life or sports skills and be intentional about teaching them skills that can help them be confident and successful adults.



From 2002-2007, I wrote a weekly comic strip that appeared in about 40 small publications in the US, Canada, and Israel. If this is a newsletter, we might as well have a comic each week, too!

This is a true story from my wife


Brian Lord is the President of Premiere Speakers Bureau and the host of the Beyond Speaking Podcast. A 28-year speaking and entertainment industry veteran who started his first agency in his dorm room, Brian has done everything from running a non-profit and writing a comic strip to coaching youth softball and competing for TeamUSA in the Duathlon Age Group World Championships in Romania in 2022. He and his wife Krista enjoy raising their four kids outside of Nashville.

Michael Tison

Speaker | Chase Eight | Outdoorsman | FCA Collegiate Chaplain

9mo

I’ve been a varsity softball coach for 11 years in addition to the other things I do. Loved the article just subscribed and going to apply some things to my team. Confidence is a big issue with players which carry over in life. Keep up the great work. Thanks

Sara Ross

Keynote Speaker, Chief Vitality Officer at BrainAMPED & Author of "Dear Work, something has to change"

10mo

Brian Lord I absolutely love this, particularly for IWD2024. I was blessed with some amazing coaches and leaders in my life whose lessons still influence me today! And I think I’m going to track one of them down to let them know the impact they had. Thanks for this!

Shawn DuBravac, PhD, CFA

Top 30 Futurist Keynote Speaker | New York Times Best Selling Author

10mo

Great points Brian! I really like #2 and #3.

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