At The Intersection of Niceness and Silence

“We lived weekly in the intersection of niceness and silence.” - Stephen A. 

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to talk with two other speakers with a group of doctoral students in a program at a university here in Denver.  The focus of the class on this particular night was mental health in schools.  As usual, I was there to speak about racial battle fatigue’s impact on BIPOC educators with a specific focus on Black folks.  As a part of the conversation, I shared that White America’s default character trait is niceness (Castagno, 2019).  To play by the rules of niceness, Non-White educators must be nice/non-conflictual so that White educators feel no discomfort as they go about their days harming BIPOC children and adults.  

The class went on, and all of the speakers answered questions and shared advice with the students who were, for the most part, focusing on the mental health of youth within school institutions in their doctoral research.  As we wrapped up, the professor requested each student to share their thoughts on the night’s discussion.  The last student to share, Stephen, said something that I find profound.  He spoke about feeling uncomfortable in affinity groups run by school leaders because he felt they had a “White agenda.”  Of his experience in his previous school, he said, “We lived weekly in the intersection of niceness and silence.” 

Stephen's words have not left my mind since that evening.  Many Black, Brown, Indigenous, and People of Color educators go to work daily and stand in that intersection.   As a result, they then must choose harm or be silent, a response to racial battle fatigue (Smith, 2007).  Those who dare speak up about the mistreatment of students, the dwindling numbers of educators of Color, or any other atrocity are labeled as not nice and, therefore, silenced again or pushed out.  

The argument can be made that folks who care about the state education in America must continue to speak up.  That we must not lie down and be silent in our oppression.  This I do agree with.  However, at the same time, we also know that not everyone has the mental capacity, ability to take risks, or propensity to go against the grain.   While standing “in the intersection,” what can one do to, if nothing else, stand firmly in their conviction that something, if not everything, is wrong in our education system?  Mother scholar Audre Lorde wrote, soon after being diagnosed with cancer for the second time,  “Care for myself is not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”  Therefore, my answer is no different: focus on our wellness as an act of rebellion.  

Here are some suggestions brought forward by Dr. Sioban Flowers, a stress and burnout expert and licensed therapist, in her interview on my podcast, The Exit Interview: A Podcast for Black Educators.  Her strategies are for BIPOC folks experiencing racial battle fatigue from Niceness and, at this moment, can only focus on ourselves and maybe our kin.

1. Ask yourself:  How can I support myself? How can I encourage myself? 
2. Think about your values: “What are your top three to five values and what do those values look like in your real life, in your day-to-day? What do you see yourself doing that is representative of those values, and then realistically, how often can you tap  into that?”  Focusing on our values helps us anchor to a part of who we are that is at our core and does not change daily.  
3. It is important to tap into the mind-body connection.
4. Remember that wellness is your birthright. 

Certainly, wellness is our birthright, and certainly, we can seek healing and wellness in school systems that admonish anything but the acceptance of White violence.

In solidarity,

Dr. Asia 

References

Castagno, A. E. (Ed.). (2019). The price of nice: How good intentions maintain educational inequity. U of Minnesota Press.

Smith, W. A., Allen, W. R., & Danley, L. L. (2007). “Assume the position... you fit the description” psychosocial experiences and racial battle fatigue among African American male college students. American Behavioral Scientist, 51(4), 551-578.