Issue 27: You suck! And Other Things Your Brain Says: Developing Self-Compassion

"Be kind to yourself so you can be happy enough to be kind to the world."

-Misha Collins

Welcome to our twenty-seventh edition!

Have you ever noticed you're sometimes your own worst enemy? Don't worry, you're not alone. I've had to work, like really work, on not berating myself for not doing things as well as the fictitious but all too loud "perfect person" who lives in my brain says I should. I call her Ms. Betterway.

If it were up to Ms. Betterway, I would have never gone to business school, become a management consultant, started my own company or put myself out for anything big because nothing I put out was ever good enough for her standards. Each time I made a big move or even a little one, she would berate me about how I could have done it better. Always.

Berating myself never worked to help me create better results. In fact, I would avoid the activity or person in order to spare myself. I mean, who wouldn't!?

What did work was noticing how I talked to myself. Hearing the self-conscious judgement Ms. Betterway was slinging at me and noticing the falsehood and nonsense behind it. So this week, we're focusing on how to "do" self-compassion.

Dropping unfair self-judgment and criticism keeps you healthy emotionally and physically. Imagine releasing the pressure of "never good enough"!

It makes you a better leader, plus as a bonus you're just more fun to be around!

Here's how to notice and quickly improve how you talk to yourself.

5-MINUTE STRATEGY

Cultivating Self-Compassion

1. Identify the Negative Self-Talk:

• Throughout your day, pay attention to your inner dialogue.
• Notice any critical, judgmental, or negative thoughts about yourself.

2. Pause and Reflect:

• When you catch a negative thought, pause for a moment.
• Reflect on what you just said to yourself. Write it down if it helps.
• Ask yourself why your brain offered it up and what it's trying to accomplish. (As mean as it is, it's probably trying to help in a somewhat twisted way!)
• Ask yourself if the thought is true. Is there evidence to support it? What evidence is there to refute it and prove that it's not an absolute?
• Challenge the validity of the negative thought. Is it based on facts or assumptions?

3. Flip the Script:

• Imagine you are speaking to a loved one who is in your situation.
• How would you respond to them? What words of kindness and support would you offer?
• Replace the negative thought with this compassionate and supportive response.

4. Notice What Did Work:

• Look back at the situation and identify what you did well.
• Acknowledge your efforts and successes, no matter how small.
• Celebrate these positive aspects and remind yourself of your strengths.

5. Plan Positive Next Steps:

• Based on your reflection, how do you want to move forward?
• Specifically, what one small change or improvement will you incorporate for next time?
• Encourage yourself in whatever way you would to your BFF.

Why this matters:

Self-compassion and learning how to talk to yourself allow you to play big because you won't make every failure a death-sentence for your self-esteem. Self-compassion allows you to grow as a leader

As you develop this skill in yourself, share it with your team. Encourage them to start with what worked well, and from there, invite them to get curious and solution-oriented about how to improve, but tell them to leave Ms. Betterway at home. ;)

By fostering self-compassion within yourself and your team, you create a supportive environment where everyone is not only willing to take smart risks, but can learn and grow.

Next week's preview

Next week, we’ll focus on enhancing creativity and innovation. Learn how to create a team of problem-solvers!

Until our next issue, practice self-compassion and encourage your team to do the same... and let yourself have some fun this summer!

Go out there and lead,

Asia

PS: Ready to cultivate self-compassion and reduce self-criticism? Schedule a consultation to explore how I can support you and your team’s well-being.