It's Like the First Day of School, All Over Again.
I never thought I’d feel the crush of loneliness like this, but it happened.
And, adding insult to injury, I’m not even talking about forced physical isolation (ie…Covid quarantine).
I'm referring to being cut off from dependable, high-quality digital interactions with a team of like-minded professionals I grew to appreciate, respect, and depend upon. Heavily depend upon.
Loneliness is real. Like a giant cat stalking prey, this caught me off-guard. And in light of my sudden layoff, entirely unprepared for how deeply the isolation stings.
Looking back on the last 12 months, I see how accustomed I became to a schedule of daily and weekly Zoom meetings. Digital or not, the connection was real. The digital aspect didn't matter. I bonded, learned from, laughed with, and came to depend on my compatriots. More so than I imagined.
And suddenly, they are gone.
The first sign of trouble, post-layoff, was an inability to focus. My level of distraction skyrocketed, and I found I could walk away from a task mid-motion or a conversation mid-sentence with alarming ease.
I could not go on like this. Something had to change, but I needed to figure out what or even where to start.
Then an email bounced across my screen. It was a casual invitation to join a small group (I would make six) for a weekly roundtable conversation about whatever struck our fancy.
I recognized a few of the names and a few not so much. While the group could not be more distinct (a retired Episcopal priest, a founder from the nonprofit world, the wife of a retired CIA agent, a former Hospice grief counselor, and a local pickleball champion), the idea was at least as interesting as the individuals involved.
Jonesing for connection, I said yes.
These weeks later, this group of fellow wanderers is a mainstay in my life.
I'll share more about the group and its dynamics in the coming weeks, but today I want to highlight the critical need for friends, more, not less, as we get older.
People everywhere struggle with loneliness and social isolation, but there are opportunities to meet people and make meaningful, new connections. One way to make friends is through shared interests and activities. Here are some ideas I thought about as I mulled over this unexpected challenge.
Book clubs
If you enjoy reading, book clubs are a great place to meet new people. Local libraries and bookstores offer book clubs, and you can also find options online using social media, Meetup, or internet searches.
Sports leagues
Participating in adult sports can improve social and physical health (my new Pickleball-playing friend speaks highly of this tool). If you enjoy team sports, consider joining a pickleball, softball, basketball, volleyball, flag football, or soccer league. Try golf, bowling, or frisbee golf if you prefer small-group activities. Local recreation centers like the YMCA often offer organized events, so check them out.
Gaming groups
If you're into social games like Magic the Gathering or Dungeons and Dragons, these can be a great way to make connections. Local game stores often offer organized events, and you can also find online groups to play with. Local community centers may also provide other games like bingo or card games.
Adult education classes
You can start by searching online for local organizations that offer classes. Community centers, local colleges, and high schools provide educational courses. These classes are a great way to learn new skills and meet new people. Local art leagues often hold craft or painting classes, while camera stores may provide photography classes for beginners.
Friendship apps
Platonic friendship apps like Bumble BFF or Nextdoor can be a less intimidating way to connect with others. You can search online or in your smartphone app store for more options. I’ve heard good things about Nextdoor….not so much about some of the other available apps. Approach with caution…but do check them out.
Parenting groups
If you have children, you may connect most with other parents. Many communities offer playgroups where kids and their parents can get to know each other. Check with local nonprofits, or search online for parent groups to learn more. Volunteering for school activities or joining the PTA is another excellent way to meet other parents.
Senior centers
Older adults are some of the most likely to struggle with loneliness and social isolation. Some communities offer activities specifically for older adults. You can search online for senior community groups in your area to learn more. Your local community center or parks and recreation department may also offer activities specifically for seniors.
Churches or spiritual groups
There are often a variety of religious organizations or spiritual groups to choose from. Many churches and sacred halls are the most active community groups around. Ask at your church or spiritual practice center what options might be available. This could include groups like a volunteering squad or a Bible study.
Volunteering
Volunteering can be ideal for meeting people with similar interests and values. Many different types of volunteering opportunities are available, such as food banks, pet shelters, political groups, social cause groups, litter clean-up crews, and afterschool centers. You can search online for these or other opportunities in your area.
Making new friends as an adult may be challenging, but it's not impossible. I recall my Mom encouraging me in elementary school to make new friends by being the friendliest in the room. Still determining if it's life-changing advice, but it's worth playing around with.
And if all else fails, make a short list of interesting people you know whom you'd like to get to know. Then you can just issue the invitations yourself. Stranger things have happened!