It's not Me, It's You: Breaking Up with Your Inner Critic

Identity 6 of 6

Ever feel like you've got an overenthusiastic roommate living rent-free in your head? You know the one - constantly offering "helpful" feedback like "Who do you think you are?" and "You're definitely going to mess this up." Meet your inner critic - the frenemy who thinks keeping you small is keeping you safe.

Here's the plot twist: Your inner critic isn't actually the villain in this story. It's more like an overprotective parent stuck using a safety manual from 1900s. It means well, but its methods are seriously outdated.

I used to feel like I was probably the only one thinking or feeling this way. But the more I engaged with my community - through honest conversations and shared experiences - the more I realised that silence and isolation keep us stuck. Acknowledging this truth, I began to take responsibility by simply naming it, asking myself: “Is this really true? Is this really just my problem, or does this happen to others too?”

This shift empowered me. It wasn’t about fixing everything instantly but about owning how I wanted to express myself and take responsibility for the thoughts, feelings, and actions I chose to take next.

And most of all, I’ve come to love the discovery that I don’t fully know myself yet - my meaning, my purpose, or even my personality. And that’s okay. They’re not set in stone. I’m constantly evolving, growing, and redefining my identity. With this awareness comes a profound sense of peace and power: the power to change - whether it’s shifting my beliefs, transforming my behaviours, or both - and in doing so, evolving into a higher version of myself. Even if I’m walking the same path, I do so as a different, more evolved human being, reshaping my environment along the way.

Understanding the Inner Critic: The Greatest Hits Album

Your inner critic isn’t evil. It’s actually trying to protect you, using the outdated script (beliefs) of fear and self-doubt.

Your critic's favourite tracks probably include:

- "Don't speak up; cummon… you'll embarrass yourself"

- "Better play it safe than sorry"

- "Who are you to try something this big?"

And like any playlist on repeat, these thoughts get stronger with each play. Every time you replay a failure or internalise someone's judgment, you're basically giving your inner critic a megaphone.

The problem is, this voice often confuses protection with limitation.

Spotted this classic beauty at my friend’s shop: the Silver Shadow II. It got me thinking… is our ego the Rolls Royce of our inner selves? Polished, powerful, but sometimes in need of a tune-up to keep things running smoothly.

The Rolls Royce of Our Ego: A Smooth Ride or a Stalled Machine

Ever noticed how our inner critic has a certain… flair for drama? It’s like the Rolls Royce of our ego - a luxurious, polished exterior designed to impress and protect. It gleams with perfection and whispers, “Stay safe, look good, and don’t mess this up.” Sounds fancy, right? But much like a Silver Shadow 2 parked at my friend’s shop, this high-end ego needs constant loving upkeep. Left unchecked, it can stall, guzzle your energy, and keep you stuck on the same roundabout of self-doubt.

The ego, much like a Rolls Royce, often seeks admiration and external validation. It wants to be seen as the epitome of success, grace, and refinement. But here’s the thing: this vehicle isn’t meant to drive the journey of your life... it’s just a tool. When our inner critic, that voice of self-doubt and judgment, takes the wheel, it can keep us stuck in park, too afraid to take the scenic route or hit the gas toward growth.

So what do we do? We acknowledge it. We give our inner Rolls Royce the respect it deserves - after all, it’s got us this far. But we also remind it that it’s not in charge. We’re the driver, not the passenger.

Why It’s So Loud:

The inner critic thrives on unexamined beliefs. Every time you replay a failure or internalise someone’s judgment, it gets stronger.

Hear it out, learn from it, but don’t identify with it… yep theres a difference.

Soooo… Breaking Up With Your Inner Critic (It's Not You, It's Them)

And just like maintaining a luxury car, the key isn’t to ignore it or let it dominate - it’s about upkeep and balance. That way, it doesn’t define us, but instead serves us. Which brings us to this: how do we take back the keys? Let’s dive into the steps for decoupling from your inner critic and tuning up your inner coach.

1. Name & Shame (Playfully)

Call out your inner critic for what it is - a voice, not the truth. Give your critic a name. I call mine "The Over-thinker" - it's like that friend who spends three hours researching restaurants for a casual lunch. Making it specific helps you recognise when it's talking versus when you're talking.

2. Get Detective Curious

When your critic pipes up, ask: Where is this coming from? What is this voice trying to protect me from?

- "Interesting take. Where'd you get that idea?"

- "What are you so afraid of, buddy?"

- "Are we still in primary school? Because this feels very silly."

3. Challenge & Bring Receipts!!!

Counter your inner critic with evidence. For example:

• Inner critic: “You’re terrible at this.”

• You: “hmmm Really?!?! Actually, I’ve done it well before. And even if I fail, I’ll learn.”

- or "Funny, I’ve got ruck-loads of happy clients who seem to disagree"

- or "Maybe so… but everyone’s gotta start somewhere"

4. Change the Channel - Tune into Your Inner Coach

Instead of listening to Histories-Critics FM, tune into Future-Coach Radio. What would your future self say? What would you tell your best friend in this situation? (Bet it's not "give up and hide under the bed.")

5. Action Trumps Analysis

Confidence? That doesn’t come first… action does! Which means it's not the starting point, it's the souvenir. It shows up after you've done the thing you were afraid to do.

Always remember… the more you act despite your doubts, the quieter the critic becomes.

The Power Move

Your inner critic will always be there, but it doesn’t have to run the show. With curiosity, compassion, and courage, you can turn it into a quiet observer - and amplify the voice that believes in you.

So instead of trying to silence your inner critic (spoiler: it doesn't work), give it a new job. Make it your researcher instead of your judge. Let it help you prepare rather than prevent you from trying.

Final Thoughts

Your inner critic is like that old security system that goes off every time a someone stares at your car - it's trying to protect you, but it needs a serious upgrade. You don't need to evict it completely. Just demote it from CEO to intern.

And remember: The voice that doubts you was taught its lines by someone else.. and the person before that and so on.... So... Maybe it's time to write your own script.

Annex: Here’s a table for easy access: