Become an ally! - Join me on my Journey

Sometimes I have the impression in discussions that there is a battle between which kind of discrimination - example sexism vs. racism, racism vs. ablism - is the worst. Like we could measure the pain and the intensity of discrimination being caused. As if it was a competition. I mean, seriously, who wants to experience any kind of discrimination?

Well, I don’t.

Imagine, that every single time whenever I bring up my experiences of racism in a conversation with people who are not experiencing it - like white people - it is usually a key moment of our relationship – they might not know it yet, but I do. In my private or in business life.

 Why is it a key moment?

Because it will be a moment in which they out themselves – as a ready ally …or not. They will show whether they believe in me and what I am telling them … or (un)intentionally start to shut me down for their own wellbeing or because they think it's supportive towards me.

But what do they do?

Remember my example from my last post? No? 

Well, here it is: “But I know a person who looks like you and seems perfectly fine. They never mentioned anything like that to me. I can’t believe it. Why are you dramatizing it so much?” or (I love that one) “I Think you are being too sensitive!” 

Urgh, … there are so many reasons someone like me has not talked to you about it before. They feared the reaction that you are displaying right now. Maybe they have been ignored before. They have been silenced so many times. Maybe they have observed a similar reaction of yours in the past and have decided that it is not safe talking to you, seemingly having a lack of open-mindedness?! I don’t know why they didn’t, but I do know that I stopped talking to people about incidents, because it was disappointing that people wouldn't believe me. It is exhausting. (Want to learn more? Research Gaslighting.)

Another example of a common reaction when I share (frightening) incidents that just happened recently:  They (being white) acknowledge it a tiny bit that it might have been a scary situation for me, but - “we all – no matter our skin tone - are experiencing scary situations from time to time, don’t we?” – start to derail the conversation. (Want to learn more? Research Derailment)

Another of my favorite reactions – while they really do not want to discuss (daily) racism - is downplaying its relevance by starting to have a philosophic discussion about all forms of discrimination and asking me “But what about people with disabilities? What about sexism and the gender pay gap? Shouldn’t we also talk about that as well? Aren’t these topics important, too?” 

Yes, yes! Yes, we are all important and all forms of discrimination need to be discussed. We as a society should make a bigger effort. I don't know about you, but I certainly do discuss discrimination in all its forms repeatedly in different contexts, also reflecting my role in it - whether I person being discriminated against or being privileged, how I can be an ally ... .(Want to learn more? Research for Whataboutism.)

BUT right now in this particular moment, I came to you, I opened up towards you and I need you as a friend, colleague – a hopefully trustworthy person - to discuss a specific situation. I opened up to make you aware of a concerning, upsetting and unsafe situation.

Have you ever been shut down trying to share your experiences?

How do you react, if someone opens up towards your sharing experiences of discrimination?

We all can choose to become an ally and support one another.

It means to educate ourselves. To take on the responsibility to make an effort to get to know more about the privileges we have ourselves and yet to also make the effort to learn more about the experiences people have who are less privileged and who are being discriminated against.

Why is it even important to acknowledge? Aren’t we all good people?

Because the thought of us being a good person and having good intentions doesn’t automatically mean that we don’t discriminate against other people. It is not enough to feel like a good person or having good intentions while not taking into account whether our actions are really supportive.

You want to be supportive? 

So, decide intentionally to become an ally!

Who is an ally?

A person in a privileged position who acts in solidarity and practices (self-)awareness by rethinking stereotypes, prejudices and own privileges.

Where do we start becoming a trustworthy ally?

• We inform ourselves and educate ourselves on a regular basis. 
• We examine our privileges.
• We confront our implicit biases/prejudices.
• We listen to people who are being discriminated against and give them space to share their experiences (while we don't interupt!!!)  

Furthermore,

• We use our privileges to empower others.
• We learn to accept criticism, even when it is unpleasant – we learn and grow from it.
• We learn to recognize everyday situations and react to them.
• We re-evaluate processes and procedures in order to increase participation.

It is a fast-paced world. The dynamics and conversations about diversity and inclusion, about discrimination and how to counteract upon it have just begun. It is a long pathway ahead of us and we’ll make mistakes, but we can choose to learn continuously and to move forward together - in our private and business lives.

#Allyship #SharingIsCaring #Success #diversity #Change #AntiRacism #Mindset #Growths

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I am Cathérine. This is me. This is my journey. 

You want to join in on my journey? 

1. Follow me  Cathérine Ngoli (no pronouns)
2. Activate my account alert.
3. Follow #IamCathérine

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About the author: Catherine Ngoli is a business consultant designing and implementing DE&I-strategies and development learning journeys. Cathérine facilitates workshops and gives keynote speeches to topics which are related to inclusive leadership, allyship at work and the complexity of identity journeys.

Cathérine is CEO of Cathérine Ngoli - Consulting (www.catherinengoli.com) and CEO and co-founder of vaunda Unternehmensberatung .