Joint Finances: Moving Past Partnership Hurdles to Move Ahead

‘My partner is slowing my progress. We would be way ahead if they had listened to me five years ago.

 I’ve been privileged to have met numerous couples who effortlessly collaborate together to achieve their goals. They both share a common vision and have a strong understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Whilst they still face challenges like everyone else, they share a team spirit that is a joy to watch. Being in their presence you can feel the sense of harmony with where they are positioned.

 On the flip side (and more often than not), I have met many couples who are progressing at a slower and frustrating pace due to their inability to align their perspectives and get on the same page. This leads to frustration and a sense that no matter what they do, there will be no positive change.

Let’s look at some of the common reasons of why this happens:

1.     The absence of individual or joint goals  

When one or both of you have yet to set clear goals and instead continue with the status quo, common phrases like ‘I don’t know what I want’ or ‘We’ve never thought about it’ can arise.

This can lead to disastrous financial outcomes and endless frustration as you both wish to move forward but are struggling to take the first step. In these cases, a good financial adviser can help you both in discovering goals through some goal-setting conversations.

A simple way of setting goals is to ask yourself, ‘What am I worried or concerned about?’ 

The answers to these questions can turn concerns into positive plans for you and your partner. Keep in mind that everyone has goals, even if they are not framed in that way, but are thought about rather as worries or concerns.

2.     Poor understanding of managing money results in poor financial decisions or indecision 

A widespread problem we see is that most people don’t know what to do and then do nothing for a very long time. You may have all the ideas in the world but don’t take any action on any of them, and then they take up excessive headspace. It’s a constant merry-go-round. A good adviser, through deductive reasoning, can assist with eliminating options and working towards positive outcomes.

A simple way to move forward is to understand what you can do financially and see if this inspires any movement or change. Another approach is to take small steps to make the transition manageable. We all know that many small steps now can lead to significant changes in the long run.

3.     Fear driving your decision-making process

This can be highly frustrating for the people involved as fear can result in negative outcomes. If you are so worried about making the wrong decision, it is very easy to be taken in and be sold false promises by those who are looking to take advantage of you.

It's crucial to understand the root of this fear and bring rational decision-making into your financial life. Negative financial experiences from your past, such as from your parents, can cause fear of working with others or lack of trust. Awareness is the answer here, and a good adviser can help address and overcome these subconscious behaviours to avoid being caught off guard.

4.     Running on autopilot because life is too busy and missing the big picture

It's common to hear excuses like ‘I'm too busy’ or ‘I don't have enough time’. These excuses allow us to put things in the ‘too hard basket enable’ so that we avoid tackling challenging tasks. We've all faced these issues in various areas of our life, such as physical, career, or financial goals. The reality is that your life needs re-prioritisation.

We have made excuses to suit ourselves based on the competing pressures of life. The simple solution here is to consider outsourcing or collaborating where you cannot put in the time. Don’t let your career or business get in the way of achieving your more important family and life priorities.

5. Expect big results without putting in the effort for small tasks.

Having expectations of grandeur without putting in the effort is a common delusion. Most of us want some form of success in life, but there are many who avoid the work required to reach our goals, using excuses or beliefs to stop us from taking the initial steps.

This is where I see people take on excessive financial risks, falling for unrealistic pie-in-the-sky ideas by slick salesman to make them lots of money.

There are no shortcuts to wealth, as even early Bitcoin investors had to wait years for their investment to yield returns. A solid financial plan, however, can lead to financial independence in ten years, or at a minimum financial comfort.

6.     Strained relationships – ego battles and a lack of mutual respect 

Struggling relationships where there is a lack of mutual respect inevitably lead to disaster. We may see a couple thriving financially, but a partner may not respect their spouse. Typically, we might see a breadwinner and a stay-at-home spouse. The breadwinner wants to provide all the financial support for the stay-at-home spouse, but it comes with strings attached.

Disrespectful comments or expectations as the breadwinner seek to maintain their status quo. It might look like roses from the outside, but it’s a different story for one person.

Importantly, where the problem lies here is communication. Both people might love each other, but one person may try to control their interests more than the other. They fear losing their way of being - as everything is ideal for them. A simple conversation about how both people can get what they want without being or feeling disrespected is needed here.

Summary

Life is already hard enough with so many competing pressures and only finite energy to go around. Removing financial pressure by aligning interests may not solve all your problems but it will allow more headspace for the things that truly matter.

A good financial adviser can help mediate this process, financially model out your position, and help you work through the pros and cons of most decisions.

By addressing these issues, couples can work together towards achieving their financial goals and making better decisions in their life.

Neelan Sornalingam